I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: Unsubscription by CanYoAssDigIt member

Some people are just plain weak.

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Hello,

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[CanYoAssDigIt] Back By Popular Demand: Stupid Musician Classified Ad

CALL OUT TO MUSICIANS Artists, Producers, Rapers & Singers Interested
in Being on a Compilation? All Genres Accepted For Info. Call
206-229-7861 Don't Miss Your Chance to Be on A Compilation With Major
Label Artists! [06-14-2005]

****

Damn, I was working up a very funny e-mail about how I like rape as
much as the next Snoup Dawg, but I gave it up for Lent - but they have
no e-mail address in the ad, and I just didn't think it would work
over the phone, so I'm just sharing this little gem with my friends
and enemies at "Can Yo Ass Dig It"


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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] News and comment

The News, From Democracy Now:

Congressional Panel Moves to Cut Public Media Funding
Congress has taken initial steps to sharply cut how much money the
government spends on public TV and radio. On Thursday a House
Appropriations subcommittee voted to cut $100 million in funding for
the Corporation For Public Broadcasting. In addition the panel agreed
to eliminate within two years all federal money for the CPB. The
subcommittee also voted to cut $23 million for the creation of
children's educational shows as part of PBS's Ready to Learn program
which funds Sesame Street and other programs. According to the
Washington Post, the proposed cuts are the most drastic since the
formation of the CPB in 1973.

The commentary, from me:

I know from my work in the public sector that you never kill a
government program outright, first you ruin it, and then you say "this
program doesn't deliver to the public" and then you dismantle it. I
(and much better people than me) have pointed out the swift
rightward-rush of NPR. When the process of making it a clone of CNN
and Fox is complete, the Bush administration will be able to say it
serves no useful purpose, and divest the government of this asset.
They will no doubt turn it over for the personal profit of the former
CBS execs (and Bush appointees) that are running it now. This is how
they operate in the world of energy, and there is no reason to think
that they will take a different view of this media asset.

What frankly surprised me was that the current initiative (which will
do a lot to move things towards the goals outlined in the previous
paragraph) came from Congress, and not the administration. Of course,
it all depends on who in Congress is pushing this, doesn't it?

I was perfectly aware that Trent Lott was shown the door so that the
administration could consolidate it's power over the congressional
branch of the government (with his racially insensitive remarks
providing the pretext) - were you?. At the time, Cokey Roberts
smirking coverage of the event left no doubt that people inside the
beltway knew what was going on. Given her status as the daughter of
Hale Boggs, a former Democratic House Whip who was the product of a
corrupt Louisiana political machine that dates back to Huey Long, she
certainly understands how these things work. It would have been nice
if she would have spelled it out the bulk of people outside the
beltway, who did not get it.

Bill Frist's subsequent performance should leave no one unconvinced
that he is the Bush Administration's man.

At any rate, I wonder what White House asset is in charge of this hit
on CPB? And at this point is there enough of CPB left for anybody to
care?


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[CanYoAssDigIt] More Celebrity News

This time I put the unimportant stuff at the head of this little
essay, and saved the important news to the very end. To avoid exposure
to trivia, skip to the very end of this message.

I heard a really despicable "news" report on the rightward-rushing
NPR, (when the process of making it a clone of CNN and Fox is
complete, the Bush administration will no doubt divest the government
of this asset, turning it over to the former CBS execs that are
running it now).

The contents of this particular despicable report: soft soaping the
pentagon's report on Guantanamo (that's with a soft G, please). The
Pentagon's report was itself an attempt to soft soap the scandal. But
I loved the spin the NPR "reporter" put on it.

For example, she said that a Koran was desecrated when some urine from
a guard inadvertently splashed on the book and the prisoner holding
it.

Prisoner desecration (aka torture, is richly documented by Amnesty
International among others) thus becomes a footnote to Koran
desecration. What the devil was the guard's urine doing cascading
around the cell anyway? This slipped by without comment.

But the "reporter" was quick to conclude "the Pentagon found NO
evidence" (her emphasis, not mine) that the Newsweek report of a Koran
flushed down the toilet was true.

Now we learn that besides beatings, dog attacks, sexual humiliation,
water torture, and death, prisoners are being forced to listen to
Christina Aguilera's music! There's a scandal that will get some
traction!


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Friday, June 10, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Are you worried yet?

Here's more evidence that my perception of a rightward drift (or rush)
at NPR is just paranoia. No bias at NPR, no sirree!

from www.democracynow.org

Former RNC Chair May Head Corporation for Public Broadcasting
Now to the fight for freedom of the media. A former co-chair of the
Republican National Committee is the leading candidate to take over
the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. That is the US-tax payer
funded agency that funds public media in this country. Patricia de
Stacy Harrison is reportedly the favored candidate of the CPB's
chairm, Kenneth Tomlinson. Harrison is currently a high-ranking
official at the State Department. She was co-chair of the RNC from
1997 until January 2001, helping to raise money for Republican
candidates, including George W. Bush. In her State Department role,
Harrison has praised the work of the department's Office of
Broadcasting Services, which in early 2002 began producing feature
reports, some coordinated by the White House, that promoted the
administration's arguments for the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq.
The reports were distributed free to domestic and international TV
stations. In testimony before Congress last year, Harrison said the
Bush administration regarded these "good news" segments as "powerful
strategic tools" for swaying public opinion.


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Thursday, June 09, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Plan B features Lulina

From Luciana's Blog, "Idiot Potato" (which would not be a bad band name):

"My Matt friend wrote pra Plan B asking where edition has Lulina,
because it wanted to buy back in states. From there it copied and he
sent me the reply of them: "I'm happy you confirm she is interviewed
in issue 6. On pages 34+35. And there's picture of to her wearing very
nice bright stripey T-Shirt ". How happy this! It wanted to see later
which was the photo that the Eugênio ordered. Perfect Pra to be, alone
lacked to be in page 13, or 26, or 49...:: P"

It is absolutely true, if not grammatical (and I think we have to
grant Google translation tool the assist, she is very literate in
Portuguese, and writes pretty darn well in English) - Luciana is
interviewed in a very hip music magazine published in London (yes, the
one in England). I don't have it yet, but I'm really looking forward
to seeing it. Of course I emailed her and told her "I am so happy for
you" but what I really thought was "Bah! How did you arrange THAT?!
This fame is rightfully mine."

These kids today (which seems to mean everybody under 30, or in
Calvin's case, everybody under 90) - you just can't stomp them.


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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Rafael Sabatini scripts VlAGGRA ad copy!

Hey, I just want to thank Kizzy Minor, Yvain Lane, Orba Duffy, Glenna
Gilchrist, Floris Mendoza, Carwyn Harper, Tatianna Matson, and
Giuliana Sykes for making the Alex Carr list
(alexcarr-subscribe@yahoogroups.com for those of you that have been
missing out on the fun) the home of using text from Captain Blood by
Rafael Sabatini to sell VlAGGRA. My gosh, it is wonderful to that you
are giving people a chance to read about the good Captain's
swashbucking derring-do. And I love the cut-up William Burroughs,
Kathy Acker-like post-modernist sensibility you bring to the text
(examples collected below). Marvelous. I love you guys, I really do.

Hello, do you want to spendfrom Cahusac to address the mob of
buccaneers, who had surged nearer Iess on your drrugs?

The PHARMAHe gasped aloud, then flung himself violently
forward.CY-BY-MAlL SHOP offers you aWhich argues that, even at this
disadvantage as he has us, the great deaI

VlAn indefinite sense of alarm drove him to open his eyes again,
andAGRA VALhe has set me. I shall not abuse my position to prosecute a
privatelUM ClVHY do you vait, my friend? growled van der Kuylen.ALlS
his whip than with his tongue.LEVlTRA and many other.

WiThe Captain steadied himself to grasp it.th each purchase you get:
· Gron the coast of Jamaica, as near Port Royal as we dare venture.eat Prices
· Top quaIsilence, and pursued his work. His ears were straining to catchity
· Home deIivIf you please, said Mr. Blood, and thereupon those gentlemen ofery
· Total cdo you realize its murderous quality when it has been split
intoonfidentiaIity

Try us and you will not be disappointsee, prudence suggests to us that
we should deny ourselves theed!

Hello, dsauntered Peter Blood. With him came a tough, long-legged
Frencho you want to spend Iess on your drrugs?

The mean - in Heaven's name let me hear it.PHARMACY-BY-MAlL SHOP
offers you a greaislanders ashore understood still less, until to help
their witst deaI

the frenzied Don Miguel had realized the situation, his vesselVlAGRA
VALlhell again, when in a narrow street a girl hurtled into him,UM
ClAMr. Blood, without wasting words, did as he was bidden. Pitt
touchedLlS LEVlTfive pearls each of the size of a sparrow's egg. There
wereRA and many other.

Wimore. Answer me this, sir: When you cozened Captain Hobart withth
each purchase you get:
· Grehave been saved. If only I could have spoken to him again beforeat Prices
· Top quaIthemselves gay with bunting. The town, aroused by all this
noise inity
· Home dparticipate in the ransom which their leader had thought toeIivery
· Total confiknees before her brother to implore his pardon for all
the evildentiaIity

Try us and you will nothey may.t be disappointed!

Hello, do you nis in perfect harmony with his beliefs. When first,
three yearseed to spend Iess on your druggs?

Save ovthroat, shook him twice, snarling the while, then hurled him
intoer 70% with PharrmacyByMail ShoFaith, you may be renewing the
acquaintance. The Captain laughedp

Vlthe bulkheads, and there was a carved walnut sideboard laden
withAGRA VAdumplings was in itself a feast to these unfortunates. But
there wereLlUM Ccabin, if you please, he commanded peremptorily, and
was turninglALlS LEsoiled and dusty hat in which there was pinned a
little bunch ofVlTRA and many other.

With each purchasefrom a match that hung ready lighted beside him a
great torch of you get:

· Top could not accommodate the whole force, particularly being at thequaIity
· BESTthey were sailing very close, was westerly, and it bore to
their ears PRlCES
· Total commission; the words he had spoken to her that very morning,
whichconfidentiaIity
· HHe paused. He turned and came slowly back. Standing above her heome deIivery

Hello, do you want to spend Iess on your meddicaclothed him from waist
to knee; above and below he was naked, savetions?

Our neman behind Major Mallard. Bishop swung to him.w great offer -
being in sufficient strength at the time to force the entrance of
theSave over 75% with PharmFifteen pounds for this one.acyByMail Shop
VlAbleached dunes, beside the spread of sail from which LevasseurGRA
ClALseen the danger.lS VALlmyself. And he covered himself with his
plumed castor.UM LEVCreator. It was a longing too vague to amount to a
hope. HopelTRA and many other.

With each putreason, he could not have arraigned them more
ferociously.rrchase you get:

· Top quthose who knew Lord Jeffreys regarded this as the lull before theaIity
· Best prThe Admiral laughed.ices
· Total confidentiaentirely at your convenience.Iity
· Home deIivThey are the ransom extracted by Don Diego from the Governorery

P.S. Try us and you will not bWithin a quarter of an hour they had
rounded the head, and stoode disappointed!

Hello, do you want to spend Iessyoung Pitt discreetly held his peace,
the Captain rapped out a nasty on your drrugs?

The PHARMunfortunate gentleman left under the thief and pirate she
accountsACY-BY-MAlL SHOP offethere was a suspicion of moisture in
those clear hazel eyes. Withrs you a great deaI

V Nor iron bars a cage.lAGRA VAin the arts of fiction and drama that
life itself is little moreLlUM CThere are others detained on the
island besides slaves. There arelALlS LEVconceal resolved at once the
doubt that had leapt so suddenly inlTRA and many other.

Stab me! You must have been. And in that three months the worldWith
each purchase you get:
· may proceed. I shall be glad to reach Port Royal.Great Prices
· Thad to be, he said. Say now, gentlemen, whether I am justifiedop quaIity
· Home deIAnd now another intervened - the brawny, one-eyed
Wolverstone, lessivery
· Total confidegallows being planted along the road from Weston to
Bridgewater,ntiaIity

Try us and you one side to the long sheds of the wharf on the other.
Along thiswill not be disappointed!


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: Linguistic Question

BE MORE FUNNY!!!!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Geoffrey Nunberg <nunberg@csli.stanford.edu>
Date: Jun 8, 2005 2:12 PM
Subject: Re: Linguistic Question
To: Matt Love <matt.mattlove1@gmail.com>

My guess is that this pronunciation has been
standard in the American military for a long time.

Geoff Nunberg

>Dear Professor Nunberg,
>
>Why do all the announcers on NPR pronounce Guantanamo as
>"G'wantonamo"? It seems to me that in general English speakers in
>this country used to pronounce it correctly. Now it's pronounced
>incorrectly nearly 100% of the time. It makes our public radio
>broadcasters sound like a bunch of hayseeds.
>
>It occurs to me that maybe Caligula started the trend, and rather than
>allowing him to look like an idiot (sort of like how they cut the part
>of his response the other day when he said that the prisoners were
>"disassembling" ­ that is, he says, not telling the truth ­ about
>their treatment) they started pronouncing it the same way as he did.
>
>Or perhaps it is more along the lines of when Claudius started
>pronouncing Saddam Hussein's name "Sad damn" to make it sound like
>sodomy ­ something everybody hates, except those of us that do it. It
>could be that it serves some kind of propaganda function, like "We
>ain't a bunch of pansies like them Spanish speakers, that can't even
>muster a hard 'G' sound. When we say 'Gitmo' it means 'Do it our way
>and git out of our way, or do it your way and git "hit")!'"
>
>I'm depending on you to tell it to me straight.
>
>Your fan,
>Matt Love


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Linguistic Question

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Matt Love <matt.mattlove1@gmail.com>
Date: Jun 8, 2005 2:02 PM
Subject: Linguistic Question
To: NUNBERG@csli.stanford.edu

Dear Professor Nunberg,

Why do all the announcers on NPR pronounce Guantanamo as
"G'wantonamo"? It seems to me that in general English speakers in
this country used to pronounce it correctly. Now it's pronounced
incorrectly nearly 100% of the time. It makes our public radio
broadcasters sound like a bunch of hayseeds.

It occurs to me that maybe Caligula started the trend, and rather than
allowing him to look like an idiot (sort of like how they cut the part
of his response the other day when he said that the prisoners were
"disassembling" – that is, he says, not telling the truth – about
their treatment) they started pronouncing it the same way as he did.

Or perhaps it is more along the lines of when Claudius started
pronouncing Saddam Hussein's name "Sad damn" to make it sound like
sodomy – something everybody hates, except those of us that do it. It
could be that it serves some kind of propaganda function, like "We
ain't a bunch of pansies like them Spanish speakers, that can't even
muster a hard 'G' sound. When we say 'Gitmo' it means 'Do it our way
and git out of our way, or do it your way and git "hit")!'"

I'm depending on you to tell it to me straight.

Your fan,
Matt Love


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Sexy, strong, loving Tim McGraw really is your fantasy man.

More evidence that people are getting twice as stupid every 18 months.
I have been treating you people to the lyrics of Tim McGraw (of the
bull named Fu Manchu fame). I have discussed the marketing of country
music to women, and the sickening touchy-feely new-agey lyrics that
appeal to the modern country chick (liberally mixed in with
boot-up-the-ass patriotic anthems for those wonderful "defense moms"
that helped put Caligula back onto the imperial throne).

Without further ado, I saw it with my own eyes: A cover (story) photo
of TIM McGRAW adorning REDBOOK's June issue is captioned "You voted
him #1 sexy, strong, loving. Tim McGraw really is your fantasy man.
Plus FAITH HILL on their powerful bond."

Here's some more lyics form the sexy, strong, loving Tim McGraw. If
you think they are bad in print, you ought hear them when they are
sung. Sugarzareh has. I hope he gives a report.

Indian Outlaw

I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokee and Choctaw
My baby she's a Chippewa
She's one of a kind

All my friends call me Bear Claw
The Village Cheaftin' is my paw-paw
He gets his orders from my maw-maw
She makes him walk the line

You can find me in my wigwam
I'll be beatin' on my tom-tom
Pull out the pipe and smoke you some
Hey and pass it around

'Cause I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokee and Choctaw
My baby she's a Chippewa
She's one of a kind

I ain't lookin' for trouble
We can ride my pony double
Make your little heart bubble
Lord, Like a glass of wine

I remember the medicine man
He caught runnin' water in my hands
Drug me around by my headband
Said I wasn't her kind

Cause I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokee and Choctaw
My baby she's a Chippewa
She's one of a kind

I can kill a deer or buffalo
With just my arrow and my hickory bow
From a hundred yards don't you know
I do it all the time

They all gather 'round my teepee
Late at night tryin' to catch a peek at me
In nothin' but my buffalo briefs
I got 'em standin' in line

Cause I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokee and Choctaw
My baby she's a Chippewa
She's one of a kind

Cherokee people
Cherokee tribe
So proud to live
So proud to die


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Saturday, June 04, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Health Stats and Harmless Fun

Why is it that when a health problem shared by both sexes is found to be
more prevalent (or, sometimes, even so much as present at all) in women,
it's an alarming trend and needs money poured into it and is one more
trophy of victimhood, whereas, when men are doing worse in some area,
it's not worthy of commentary?
sugarzareh

*Washington State Department of Health <http://www.doh.wa.gov>*

Date: June 01, 2005
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(05-066)
Contact: Phyllis Reed, Research Investigator, 360-236-4324
Patricia Starzyk, Research Investigator, 360-236-4323
Deanna Whitman, Communications Office, 360-236-4022

*Women living longer; infant mortality dropping*
/2003 Vital Statistics also shows change in top baby names /

*OLYMPIA* -- In 2003 Washington had a lower percent of low-weight
births, a lower infant mortality rate, and a higher life expectancy rate
than the nation as a whole. These are just a few of the highlights from
the Washington State Department of Health report, Vital Statistics,
2003. "This report is full of helpful information and is used by many
people throughout our state to understand trends, identify high-risk
populations, set priorities and target prevention activities," said Dr.
Pat Starzyk, the report's co-author.

*Births*

For decades, there has been a consistent decline in the rate of births
in Washington. And although more than 80,000 babies were born in 2003,
the birth rate is among the lowest recorded. Dr. Starzyk explains, "The
total number of new births is increasing, but the birth rate, which is
the number of births per 1,000 population, is declining."

Washington's percent of low-weight births is lower than the national
average, but our low birth weight births have been increasing since 1990
- in part, but not entirely due to the increase in multiple births.

The percent of expectant mothers who received prenatal care during their
first trimester worsened in 2003. In prior years the percent of moms
receiving first trimester prenatal care was approximately 83 percent. In
2003 the percentage dropped to 81.5. This year also marked the highest
proportion of mothers in the past 10 years who received late or no
prenatal care.

Birth certificates underwent important changes in 2003. People may now
report as many races as they choose. Nearly 3 percent of mothers
reported belonging to more than one race group. Birth certificates now
collect information on smoking patterns prior to pregnancy and by
trimester during pregnancy. The new data shows women reduce their
smoking during pregnancy; 13 percent of mothers smoked in the three
months before pregnancy compared to 10 percent during the first
trimester and 9 percent for the second and third trimesters.

The top baby name changed in 2003. Emma became the top name for girls in
2003, replacing Emily, which had been the top name for seven years.
Ethan replaced Jacob as the top name for boys in 2002, but Jacob
regained the lead in 2003, a lead it had for eight other years.

*Deaths*

Although more than 45,000 Washington residents died in 2003, the
age-adjusted death rate was the lowest it has been in the last 10 years.
Men's age-adjusted death rate was 924 deaths per 100,000 population,
decreasing 12 percent from the 10-year high point. For women the rate
was 671.4, decreasing 5 percent from its high point. Even with these
declines, the 2003 age-adjusted mortality rate for men is 1.4 times
higher than women. Men are expected to live to age 76 and women until 80.

Heart disease and cancer accounted for more than 48 percent of all
deaths in 2003. The 10 leading causes of death
<http://www.doh.wa.gov/ehsphl/chs/chs-data/death/download/deathC2.xls>
accounted for more than 80 percent of all deaths among residents.

There was a decrease in infant mortality in 2003. There were 5.6 deaths
per 1,000 live births compared to 6.2 ten years ago (1994).

*Marriages and divorces*

In 2003 more than 39,000 couples got married and more than 26,000
divorces occurred. King County (the most populous county) took the lead
with 11,250 marriages and 5,637 divorces. Garfield County (the least
populous county) had the least - 15 marriages and eight divorces.

*Related Topics*

* Emergency Information <HTTP://access.wa.gov/emergency/index.aspx>
* Previous Agency News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/news/PreviousMonths.aspx>
* How to Submit a News Release
<HTTP://access.wa.gov/siteinfo/resources/submitnews.aspx>
* Current Legislative News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/leg/LegNews.aspx>
* Radio, Television and Newspapers
<http://www.statechamp.com/cgi-bin/start.pl?State=Washington>
* Subscribe to the Access Washington News List
<http://listserv.wa.gov/archives/access-washington-news.html>
* Join an Email List (Listserv)
<http://listserv.wa.gov/archives/welcome.html>
* Current Agency News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/news/MoreStateNews.aspx>


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Friday, June 03, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Nine Inch Nails Pulled From MTV Ceremony Over Bush Picture

from www.democracynow.org:

The music band, Nine Inch Nails, has pulled out of the MTV Movie
Awards after clashing with the network over an image of President Bush
that the band planned as a performance backdrop. The image was to
accompany the song "The Hand That Feeds," which criticizes the
occupation of Iraq. MTV said in a statement it would have been
"uncomfortable with their performance being built around a partisan
political statement." The leader of Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor,
said on the band's Web site that the image of Bush would have been
unaltered. Reznor said "Apparently, the image of our president is as
offensive to MTV as it is to me."


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Thursday, June 02, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Re: [Bizarro_UltraZine] Halle Berry still thinking about posing for Playboy...

Wow, that is truly amazing! I'm glad I was sitting down when I read
this, I might have fallen and hurt myself.

Meanwhile, in some completely trivial news:

Three Bombings Rock Iraq
In Iraq, three suicide car bombs killed at least 16 people and wounded
more than 50 others early this morning. One attack targeted bodyguards
for a deputy prime minister, another went after a U.S. diplomatic
convoy, and the third killed a political leader in Baquba. Two more US
soldiers were killed bringing the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq
to 1,666.

On 6/2/05, kdhaisch@aol.com <kdhaisch@aol.com> wrote:
> from the IMDb...
>
> Halle Berry once promised to fulfill longtime Playboy picture
> editor Marilyn Grabowski's dream and bare all for the men's
> magazine. The actress was an aspiring superstar 10 years
> ago when she agreed to meet with Grabowski after she was
> made an attractive offer to pose for Hugh Hefner's publication.
>
> Grabowski, who discovered Pamela Anderson and Anna
> Nicole Smith among others, recalls, "Halle Berry, I had dinner
> with 10 years ago and she said, 'When I've got the right film,
> I'll do it.' She wanted to (do it) but I haven't heard from her
> in the last couple of years."
>
> Grabowski reveals the magazine also approached Britney
> Spears, but she wanted a "ridiculous" amount of money to
> disrobe: "It was too much, let's put it that way."
> ---------------------------------------------
>
> What was too much? Her boobs??
>
> k.
>
>
> .
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


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Re: [CanYoAssDigIt] My Date With the Exorcist

Amusing story for sure. One day I'll tell you about my ex-girlfriend
who seriously claimed to regularly speak in tongues. She could do it
at will and it was genuinely coming from God himself. I actually
lived with this person for a time. I must've been buttfucking crazy.

On 5/28/05, Joe Sibley <joesibley@comcast.net> wrote:
> This story has always gotten a big laugh from anyone I've told it to. I
> hadn't thought of it for a while, but I was at one of the locations
> involved tonight and was reminded. And now, with these discussion
> groups, I've found my dream audience.
>
> You'll have to take my word for it that this is true. It has an
> extremely dark side in that it's a sickening tragedy for this woman's
> poor son. Still, I defy anyone not to laugh. It do go on for a bit, so
> you may want to grab a bottle of some monastery liqueur to sip and
> remind you that the Catholic church was at least good for one thing.
>
> May, 2002: The romance was like a fairy tale, in that it was improbable
> and really stupid. We met by chance, she liked my hair, I liked her
> face, this is America, what else should matter? We talked several times
> on the phone before going out. It was established that she was a
> godster, I wasn't, and we could both live with it. In retrospect this
> seems a ludicrous proposition. My excuse is that I had just started
> antidepressants, and as a side effect was going through a priapic second
> pubescence. Her excuse is that she's crazy.
>
> We went to Mercato, a rather upscale joint, at least for a working class
> schmuck like me. The food was great, the tiny table shaky, the
> atmosphere vapid. Expensive nonetheless. I was out of my element, with
> vinegar and oil to dip the bread in, crème brulee, yadda. I remember the
> dinner conversation being pleasant, although I couldn't tell you what it
> was about. But, boy howdy, I can remember what we talked about later.
>
> On the way home, we stopped at Ralph's (That's a supermarket, for our
> friends in Tacoma and Seattle.) for some reason or other. After checking
> out, we sat on a bench in the foyer. Which happened to be near Ralph's
> book section. Although Ralph's has the usual selection of
> below-lowest-common-denominator magazines, all of their books proper are
> christer merde. She pulled one off the shelf and told me that it would
> be a very good thing if I were to read it. So much for the belief system
> détente.
>
> The book was by a home-town (Lacey) author, and a story of demonic
> possession. Not fiction. My date thought it important that I be warned
> such things can happen. Even in Thurston County, I guess. From this
> point on, those readers among you who have seen the movie "True Stories"
> can get a fairly accurate picture of my expressions by remembering John
> Goodman's character, Lewis Fyne, as he listens to what The Lying Woman
> is telling him on their date.
>
> Well, okay, thinks I, it can't get worse. (Fucking Celexa, anyway.) She
> went on from there to tell me that the same thing had happened to her 17
> year old son. Of the many spooky goings-on in their household, the one I
> remember in the most detail is about the demon manifesting outside the
> boy's body, without a host.
>
> The boy, y'see, had been given a phone number by a buddy he met at
> Catholic youth camp in California. This buddy knew exactly what to do in
> case of possession, and had advised my date's son to give him a call in
> case it happened. Good friend, because you just never know when that
> might happen. The son was lying on the couch, possessed, physically ill,
> just ALL messed up. He had the phone number with him. But who should
> come in and steal it but the demon in the guise of mom! I never quite
> understood how the demon was possessing him and outside of him at the
> same time. (See? At this point the story started not to make sense.)
>
> Mom took him to St. Peter Hospital. (btw Isn't that kind of a foreboding
> name for a hospital?) The shrink diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. Mom
> did not like that. No paranoid schizophrenics in our house, are there
> dear? She sought a second opinion. And a third. This being after all a
> Catholic hospital, she eventually found a "doctor" who puts the "quack"
> into AFLAC, and this doctor said: "This is not a matter for medicine. It
> is a matter for The Church."
>
> Mom took the kid, who was not paranoid schizophrenic at all or anything
> like that, home and got on the horn to the local diocese (-I think. I'm
> not too swift with Catholic taxonomy). It turns out that western
> Washington, hell, all of Washington, is slap out of exorcists. Finally
> she found one in Chicago, who talked her through the procedure by phone
> and fax. (Wasn't it nice of God to invent the fax machine?) It worked.
>
> Since then, the kid wears a St. Christopher medal and about a dozen
> others, and Mr. Demon has not been back.
>
> To paraphrase Nigel Tufnel: "We shan't date together again."
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Sign O The Times

From today's Olympian, re W. Mark Felt revealing himself as Watergate
Deep Throat: "What made a straight-laced career FBI guy turn on the
White House?"

"Turn on" the White House? The tone implies that Felt was some kind of
vindictive traitor for doing what he could to expose lawbreaking. I
don't see the question in why a "straight-laced" law enforcement
professional would attempt to assist in bringing a criminal to justice.

But, my thinking on this is stuck in the seventies, when authority was
sometimes questioned, and for a while it looked as if we had a chance of
becoming "A nation of laws, and not of men." That's Old-Age thinking.
Now it's just "support the president no matter what he does, wave flags,
and watch Fox."

sugarzareh


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[CanYoAssDigIt] They should be horsewhipped!

It may be underway by now, for all I know. I am not the world's best
tracker of popular culture anymore.

I read an interview with Brian May in which he said that Queen was
going to be touring with Paul Rogers (Free, Bad Company, The Firm) on
vocals. Rogers has a rock pedigree, that's for sure... but the idea of
him standing in for Freddie Mercury is bizarre. Oh, I could see it on
"we will rock you" or something like that... but Bohemian Rhapsody?

The bass player is pretty much retired from the industry, and refuses
to take part in any of these things.. so it leaves two of the original
band members involved.

It seems a bit like Paul and Ringo touring with Long John Baldry or
John Mayall and calling it "The Beatles and..."

If May and what's-his-name really felt they had to do this (mortgage
due on the mansion, or whatever), they really should have thought
about Annie Lennox standing in for Freddie Mercury instead.

It doesn't matter. There are so many terrible and huge things going on
in the world that are of so much greater concern - global warming,
AIDS, genetically modified food, little dogs in sweaters... now that
I've commented on this, I'll probably never think about it again. But
I just couldn't let it go by without comment....


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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Re: [Can Yo' ass Dig It?] 5/31/2005 10:04:26 PM

Hi jl

I'm always surprised when somebody actually finds my blog and posts.
In fact, this is only the second time ever.

all other posts are either from me or my friend Sugarzareh.

I've set it up so that if anybody posts to my group,
canyoassdigit@yahoogroups.com, it automatically goes up on my website.
Just like this e-mail to you is going to! Despite the group having 15
members, nobody else has ever posted. Not even Viagra spam or
financial opportunities in Nigeria, as far as I can recall. You can
bet yoass that I dig hearing from people now and again.

I googled you, and find that while you visit people's blogs and say
nice things (which I applaud) your own page appears to be blank. I
look forward to seeing your comics someday.

please consider joining my yahoo group by sending an e-mail to
canyoassdigit-subscribe@yahoogroups.com - it would be cool to have
somebody else posting once in a while...

On 5/31/05, Adia Creator <jl@adiacomics.com> wrote:
> My ass digs it! And it's dug. Nice blog!
>
> --
> Posted by Adia Creator to Can Yo' ass Dig It? at 5/31/2005 10:04:26 PM


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Watch This Short Film

http://www.centerofyourmind.com/images/dancemonkey.swf


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[CanYoAssDigIt] The War on Science

--- In OlympiaTacomaAtheists@yahoogroups.com, Joe Sibley
<joesibley@c...> wrote:
Thank you Dan. You have done a service in alerting us to this revoltin
development. For those of you who haven't looked over Randi's page
thoroughly, be advised that he provides an email contact to let the
Smithsonian know how you feel about this. I am in favor of legalizing
prostitution, but not this particular kind.
Joe

dang wrote:

> In case you didn't catch this controversy, apparently the Smithsonian
> Institute is providing a place for Seattle's Discovery Institute to
> show an intelligent design film--in exchange for a $16,000 donation.
> This is apparently the Smithsonian's mode of operation for providing
> theater space, though it adds an undeserved air of credibility to the
> people who want to insert religion into science curriculum.
>
> It's the first item on this James Randi's site, which includes a link
> to a NY Times article, a well-written letter to the Smithsonian, etc.
>
> http://www.randi.org/jr/052705a.html
>
> - Dan
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
--- End forwarded message ---


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Re: [CanYoAssDigIt] Language watch - painful!

I'd like to disassemble Dubya.

Just kidding. That would be wrong.

Matt Love wrote:

>I just heard Dubya say that Amnesty International's report about is
>"absurd." He says that the organization is taking the word of people
>who have been trained to "hate America... to disassemble - that means
>'to lie.'"
>
>There is hope for complete fools, they can become president... but is
>there hope for the rest of us?
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


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