Dear Spike Channel:
I've been watching a lot of Spike lately, for the Star Trek reruns. I
do appreciate you confirming my long held opinion that Star Trek is
sort of the ultimate reflection of American culture, and it does feel
very natural surrounded by ads for the military, for vignettes of men
splintering other men's bones in childish combat, in stupid fantasy
fulfillment ads for pathetic little shits that actually believe that
some cologne is going to make them more appealing to the opposite sex.
The army ads actually have some truth in advertising - showing some
Napoleon Dynamite-like game playing losers being recruited to be
cannon fodder in Iraq. I wonder how many of the poor saps that watch
Spike actually fall for that. Don't you feel a little guilty for
turning over your viewers to Uncle Sugar?
Anyway, I was going to try to add a little class to your contest by
voting for some people that are actually admirable, and bands that
people might actually want to listen to, but I find that in each
category, there are only two "choices" - for example, in "music," I
can chose between Disturbed and Lamb Of God - no music to be found
there at all!
That's a bit like thinking you have a meaningful choice when you can
vote for Bush or Kerry! But of course your typical American,
particularly Star Trek fans (among the most indoctrinated Americans of
all) actually believe that, I'm sure you don't want to make them think
too hard.
You pose the question "who deserves the first "Guy's Guy" Award?
Who's the guy I want to be when I wake up tomorrow?
Me!
How sad for your viewers if they'd rather be anybody other than who
they are when they wake up tomorrow morning. ESPECIALLY anybody to be
found in the Spike universe.
Who opens the biggest can of whoop ass?
I do.
Which band rocks my face off?
I can't chose, I'm in several, but they are ALL much much better than
Disturbed or Lamb of God.
and so on.
So are you going to open up the voting and let people vote for anybody
they want to vote for - me, or themselves, or Peter Paul and Mary if
that's what rips their face off?
Or are you going to be known as the "tiny little penis network" forever?
PS: I'm pleased to know that in Star Trek Voyager, Lieutenant
Expendable is still alive and well. Sorry, I mean disposable and
dead. I just saw him bite it again.
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