Gene sez: I'M NOT SURE ANYONE READING THIS HAS A CLUE WHAT THE
RHODESIA/LITHUANIA THING MEAN
Well, I got it, I thought it was pretty slick. And by the way, Gene,
could you stop shouting at me?
NO!
JUST BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOUR MOMMY BACKSTAGE AND THEN AT THE HOTEL IS
NO REASON TO BE ENVIOUS OF MY GOOD LOOKS.
This is strikingly like what you said to Brian Stephenson over 30
years ago. I think you could use some new material.
SAYS WHO, BITCH. YOU? AND, WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR BAND. AND WHAT'S
YOUR QUALIFICATION FOR SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING?
I was in Dweebish, Gene. And Wimps!
The only response is the faint sound of Gene slinking off, humiliated.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bob Lefsetz <bob@lefsetz.
Date: Thu, Mar 12, 2009 at 2:47 PM
Subject: Gene Simmons Responds
To: mattlove1@gmail.
From: Gene Simmons
Subject: Re: Gene Simmons
Date: March 12, 2009 3:25:07 PM EDT (CA)
To: Telma.Costa@
Cc: Bob Lefsetz
Telma,
I'm cc-ing whoever this Lefsetz guy is.
Post on cover of SIMMONS RECORDS.COM.
And, if you can find a foto of this bozo, put it up there as well.
____________
Begin forwarded message:
From: Bob Lefsetz
Before we start this review of my Keynote Speech at CMS from a guy
who's blog was forwarded to me, I'm going to take the liberty of
telling everyone I'm going to comment as we go along.
First, the name LEFSETZ. I would tell him to his face. That name's
gotta go. It blows. If this guy was in a band and wanted to sign with
us, he'd have to change his name. Or, sign with someone else.
Otherwise, have no clue who this fellow is or what he does.
Let's see.....
"Imagine you're stranded on a desert island and you stumble upon a
member of the opposite sex. You're thrilled! You're gonna have
someone to talk to, you're gonna make love until the Coast Guard
finally figures out your ship sank and rescues you.
And this person may not be a beauty queen, but hey, he or she is all
right. At least that's what you think at first. Maybe you even have
sex and forget your plight for a moment or two. But then, even though
you're exhausted, your partner just won't give up. Insists on having
sex every hour, being coddled, all the while telling you how fucking
hot they are. It would almost be enough to get you to jump back into
the water and swim to your death.
That's what listening to Gene Simmons is like."
THANK YOU.
"He's not a dumb dude."
THANK YOU.
"But it's a full time commercial."
CORRECT.
"And why? Doesn't he have enough money?"
WELL, RESPECTFULLY, IT'S NOT UP TO THIS AMATEUR TO DETERMINE IF I HAVE
ENOUGH MONEY. I'LL LET HIM KNOW IF AND WHEN I DO. UNTIL THAT TIME,
IT'S BEST TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN MONEY.
"Isn't this like an ex-President buying time on television to give us
his opinion on the budget? Running for an office he can't be elected
to? Hey Gene, you were a star once, can you let it go? Can you stop
trying to convince us that not only is your music great, but that KISS
is the biggest act in the world?"
NO.
"I mean if we really want to get down to it, don't we have to give
credit to Bob Ezrin?"
YES. ALWAYS.
"The producer of "Destroyer", containing the KISS klassics "Detroit
Rock City", "Shout It Out Loud" and the band's biggest hit, "Beth"?
Not only did Ezrin produce those tracks, HE CO-WROTE THEM! I'm
thinking without Ezrin, KISS is a footnote."
PERHAPS.
OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION, KISS STARTS THE SOUTH AMERICAN LEG OF THE
35TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR AT BUENOS AIRES STADIUM - 90,000 PEOPLE. LET ME
KNOW IF YOU WANT A TICKET.
"Ezrin went on to further greatness, producing one of the biggest
albums of all time, Pink Floyd's "The Wall", as well as the critically
lauded debut of Peter Gabriel. KISS? They took the makeup off and
put it back on, reunited with the original members, kicked them out
again and kept dunning us with endless product promotions."
ALL OF THIS IS TRUE. AND YOUR POINT IS..."?
"And that's what this "keynote" address at CMW was. A product
promotion, for the latest iteration of Simmons Records."
CORRECT.
I HAVE A FIDUCIARY DUTY TO UNIVERSAL MUSIC CANADA AND I HAVE A VESTED
INTEREST IN SIMMONS RECORDS. TO DO OTHERWISE AT CMW, WOULD BE STUPID.
I KNOW HE'S NOT INFERRING I'M STUPID. QUITE THE CONTRARY.
"Just because you're a big musical act, that doesn't mean you're a
decent executive, that you can run a record company."
SAYS WHO. YOU? AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE THESE ASSESSMENTS.
WHAT'S YOUR QUALIFICATION, IN FACT, FOR SAYING ANYTHING...
"That's like saying a great football coach has to have been a star
quarterback. They're different skills. One that Mr. Simmons has yet
to master. Sure, he made that demo tape with Van Halen, but the band
ended up on WARNER BROTHERS!"
THIS MORON DOESN'T KNOW DETAILS AND BEHAVES AS IF HE DOES. FACT ONE:
AFTER SEEING THE BAND AT THE STARWOOD CLUB IN LA IN 1977, I SIGNED VAN
HALEN TO MY PRODUCTION COMPANY, "MAN OF 1,000 FACES" AND PRODUCED
THEIR 24 TRACK DEMO, 15 SONG DEMO AT ELECTRIC LADY STUDIOS. KISS WAS
GOING OUT ON TOUR, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO KEEP VAN HALEN TIED UP, SO I
LET THEM SHOP THEIR OWN DEAL, WITHOUT INSISTING I KEEP A SLICE.
WHAT HIS POINT ABOUT ALL THIS, IS BEYOND ME.
"Truly, it was relentless. Gene with that bizarre hairdo sponsored by Brillo"
NOW, NOW...NO NEED TO BE JEALOUS, BABY.
JUST BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOUR MOMMY BACKSTAGE AND THEN AT THE HOTEL IS
NO REASON TO BE ENVIOUS OF MY GOOD LOOKS.
"maintaining that 360 deals are good for artists and that Canada can
be the new Ireland."
CORRECT. I "DO" BELIEVE CANADA POSSESSES ALL THAT.
"U2 came from Ireland, what does that country possess that Canada does
not? Isn't that like saying Mutt Lange came from Rhodesia, therefore
Lithuania should be able to produce the best record producer on the
planet?"
NO. NOT REALLY. AND, I'M NOT SURE ANYONE READING THIS HAS A CLUE WHAT
THE RHODESIA/LITHUANIA THING MEANS.
"Really, it didn't have to be 2009, it could have been 1009. With a
huckster up on stage, trying to convince us to buy from him".
NOPE. NEVER SAID YOU SHOULD BUY FROM ME. DON'T LIE, HONEY.
"Sure, there's salesmanship involved in becoming a successful musical
act, but that's not ninety percent of the equation."
SAYS WHO, BITCH. YOU? AND, WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR BAND. AND WHAT'S
YOUR QUALIFICATION FOR SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING?
"But with KISS, it is! The music is just the vehicle to make money.
I don't excoriate this, I just don't REVERE IT!"
NO PROBLEM. GO FIND ANOTHER BAND.
"Gene showed a five minute promotional film that was such an assault,
the guy in front of me put his hands over his ears."
I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD. THAT WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. AND YOU WERE
TALKING TOO LOUD. SHE WANTED TO SEE AND HEAR GENE SIMMONS. NOT YOU.
"Didn't Pete Townshend sing "A Little Is Enough"? Obviously, Gene's
never heard that track, otherwise he would stop telling us how great
he is and let us come to our own conclusion."
NO. I WON'T STOP TELLING YOU HOW GREAT I AM. FIND SOMEONE ELSE FOR THAT.
"It was sad."
NO, IT WASN'T. EVERYONE HAD A GREAT TIME AND EVERYONE ENJOYED THEMSELVES.
"Although Gene paid lip service to the Internet, it was like he wanted
to jet back to the seventies, when the label was king, when record
companies were flush with cash that they'd blow on a bunch of new
acts."
THAT'S TRUE. I WANT RECORD COMPANIES TO BECOME POWERFUL AND FLUSH WITH
MONEY AGAIN. I WANT BANDS TO REALIZE THAT ANY ENTITY THAT GIVES THEM
MONEY (ADVANCES) AND NEVER FORCES THEM TO PAY THE RECORD COMPANY BACK,
WHEN AND IF THEIR RECORD BOMBS (AND THEY ALMOST ALWAYS DO), IS THEIR
BEST FRIEND. I KNOW OF NO OTHER BUSINESS THAT GIVES YOU MONEY AND
NEVER ASKS FOR IT BACK. EVEN YOUR MOM WILL WANT YOU TO PAY BACK HER
LOAN.
"Those days are through. Shit, imagine trying to get money from
Simmons' company. That'd be like sucking quarters from a parking
meter. Gene's notorious for not parting with his own money. Shit,
I'm stunned he doesn't require new acts to pay HIM to be signed!"
THIS IS A SMALL PERSON, WHO'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING, NEVER BEEN IN A
BAND AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW THE RECORD INDUSTRY WORKS. HE DOESN'T KNOW
ME AND I DON'T KNOW HIM. AND HE WOULDN'T KNOW, IN EITHER CASE IF I
"DO" OR "DON'T" PART WITH MY MONEY. AND IN ANY CASE, IT WOULDN'T BE
HIS BUSINESS, OR MY GARBAGE COLLECTOR'S.
"I only went because the last couple of times Gene's spoken he has
said some truly heinous things, blasting the audience, that he told us
today to respect, for stealing his music. I figured he'd come out
with a few clunkers that would crack you up.
But all I got was a damn advertisement.
THAT'S CORRECT.
I AM ADVERTISING SIMMONS RECORDS. THAT'S WHY I'M UP HERE TALKING ABOUT
IT. THIS GUY IS A GENIUS.
AND I STILL CONSIDER FREE DOWNLOADS AND FILE SHARING STEALING. AND I
WANT YOU TO PAY FOR MUSIC...AND FOR ANYTHING. IF A BAND WANTS TO GIVE
AWAY THEIR STUFF FOR FREE...I HAVE NO PROBLEM. MY ONLY QUESTION IS,
HOW DOES THE RECORD COMPANY, WHICH PAID GOOD MONEY UP FRONT, GET ITS
MONEY BACK, IF THE MUSIC IS FREE"?
"I know Gene loves that I'm writing this."
SURE. I LOVE ANYONE WHO TALKS ABOUT ME.
"Almost to the point where I considered not writing about his speech
at all. But I've got to. Because in order for music to ascend to its
rightful position at the top of popular culture's leader board,"
(I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS LEADER OF POPULAR CULTURE TO TELL ME HOW TO
POSITION THINGS).
"it's got to be more about its intrinsic value than the sell."
YES, AND NO. IT "SHOULD" BE ABOUT MUSIC, BUT IT'S ALSO GOT TO BE
ABOUT BUSINESS. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, IT WAS NEVER JUST CALLED
"MUSIC." IT WAS, AND STILL IS CALLED THE "MUSIC BUSINESS."
"It's got to be more about music than showmanship. It's got to be
more about creativity than expediency."
NO. HES GOT IT ALMOST RIGHT. IT'S GOT TO BE ABOUT BOTH.
"KISS had a gimmick. It's served the band well. A gimmick can get
you noticed, but soon thereafter it becomes about the music. KISS
took off its makeup and few cared."
HE'S RIGHT. ABOUT 10 MILLION.
"The Beatles gave up their suits, messed with their hair, even gave up
playing live and the band got bigger and bigger."
I LOVE THE ANALOGY. KISS AND THE BEATLES. THANKS.
"The problem is, Gene Simmons thinks there's a handbook."
YES. MY HANDBOOK.
"Listening to him is like watching a bad version of "Glengarry Glen Ross"."
NO. NOT REALLY. I DIDN'T LIKE THAT FILM MUCH. I'M MUCH MORE FASCINATED BY ME.
"It's like going to a training session for Kirby vacuum salesmen.
It's always interesting to hear how another person made it, but if you
want to be successful in the future, you're better off ignoring
everything Gene Simmons has to say."
THIS STATEMENT MADE BY A GUY WHO'S STILL LIVING IN HIS MOTHER'S BASEMENT.
"Unless, of course, you love money more than music."
ACTUALLY, I LOVE BOTH MONEY AND MUSIC.
"But since you're reading this, I doubt that..."
GOOD LUCK TO THIS GUY.
WE LOVE HEARING THE GOOD AND THE BAD.
AND WE HOPE YOU GET OUT OF MOM'S BASEMENT SOON.
--
Visit the archive: http://lefsetz.
--
If you would like to subscribe to the LefsetzLetter,
http://www.lefsetz.
If you do not want to receive any more LefsetzLetters,
http://lefsetz.
--
Powered by PHPlist, www.phplist.
--
Love me, love my vids
http://www.youtube.
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment