Well, well. 'Sovereign is he who decides on the exception,' Carl Schmitt wrote in different times almost a century ago, when European empires and armies dominated most continents and the United States was basking underneath an isolationist sun. What the conservative theorist meant by 'exception' was a state of emergency, necessitated by serious economic or political cataclysms, that required a suspension of the Constitution, internal repression and war abroad. A decade after the attentats of 9/11, the United States and its European allies are trapped in a quagmire. The events of that year were simply used as a pretext to remake the world and to punish those states that did not comply. And today while the majority of Euro-American citizens flounder in a moral desert, now unhappy with the wars, now resigned, now propagandized into differentiating what is, in effect, an overarching imperial strategy into good/bad wars, the US General Petraeus (currently commanding the CIA) tells us: "You have to recognize also that I don't think you win this war. I think you keep fighting. It's a little bit like Iraq, actually . . .. Yes, there has been enormous progress in Iraq. But there are still horrific attacks in Iraq, and you have to stay vigilant. You have to stay after it. This is the kind of fight we're in for the rest of our lives and probably our kids' lives." Thus speaks the voice of a sovereign power, determining in this case that the exception is the rule. Even though I did not agree with his own answer, the German philosopher, Jurgen Habermas posed an important question: 'Does the claim to universality that we connect with human rights merely conceal a particularly subtle and deceitful instrument of Western domination?' 'Subtle' could be deleted. The experiences in the occupied lands speak for themselves. Ten years on the war in Afghanistan continues, a bloody and brutal stalemate with a corrupt puppet regime whose President and family fill their pockets with ill-gotten gains and a US/NATO military incapable of defeating the insurgents. The latter now strike at will, assassinating Karzai's corrupt sibling, knocking off his leading collaborators and targeting key NATO intelligence personnel via suicide terrorism or helicopter-downing missiles. Meanwhile, sets of protracted behind-the-scenes negotiations between the US and the neo-Taliban have been taking place for several years. The aim reveals the desperation. NATO and Karzai are desperate to recruit the Taliban to a new national government. Euro-American liberal and conservative politicians who form the backbone of the governing elites and claim to believe in moderation and tolerance and fighting wars to impose the same values on the re-colonized states are still blinded by their situation and fail to see the writing on the wall. Their pious renunciations of terrorist violence notwithstanding, they have no problems in defending torture, renditions, targeting and assassination of individuals, post-legal states of exception at home so that they can imprison anybody without trial indefinitely. Meanwhile the good citizens of Euro-America who opposed the wars being waged by their governments avert their gaze from the dead, wounded and orphaned citizens of Iraq and Afghanistan, Libya and Pakistan…the list continues to grow. War—jus belli– is now a legitimate instrument as long as it is used with US approval or preferably by the US itself. These days it is presented as a 'humanitarian' necessity: one side is busy engaged in committing crimes, the self-styled morally superior side is simply administering necessary punishment and the state to be defeated is denied its sovereignty. Its replacement is carefully policed both with military bases and with a combination of No's and money. This 21st Century colonization or dominance is aided by the global media networks, an essential pillar to conduct political and military operations. Let's start with homeland security in the United States. Contrary to what many liberals imagined in November 2008, the debasement of American political culture continues apace. Instead of reversing the trend, the lawyer-President and his team have deliberately accelerated the process. There have been more deportations of immigrants than under Bush; fewer prisoners held without trial have been released from Gitmo, an institution that the lawyer-President had promised to close down; the Patriot Act with its defining premises of what constitutes friends and enemies has been renewed, a new war begun in Libya without the approval of Congress on the flimsy basis that the bombing of a sovereign state should not be construed as a hostile act; whistleblowers are being vigorously prosecuted and so on—the list growing longer by the day. Politics and power override all else. Liberals who still believe that the Bush administration transcended the law while the Democrats are exemplars of a normative approach are blinded by political tribalism. Apart from Obama's windy rhetoric, little now divides this administration from its predecessor. Ignore, for a moment, the power of politicians and propagandists to enforce their taboos and prejudices on American society as a whole, a power often used ruthlessly and vindictively to silence opposition from all quarters—Bradley Manning, Thomas Drake (released after a huge outcry in the liberal media), Julian Assange, Stephen Kim, currently being treated as criminals and public enemies, know this better than most. Nothing illustrates this debasement so well as the assassination of Osama Bin Laden in Abbotabad. He could have been captured and put on trial, but that was never the intention. The liberal mood was reflected by the chants heard in New York on that day: U-S-A. U-S-A. Obama got Osama. Obama Got Osama. You can't beat us (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap) You can't beat us. Fuck bin La-den. Fuck bin La-den. These were echoed in more diplomatic language by the leaders of Europe, junior partners in the imperial family of nations, incapable of self-determination. Cant and hypocrisy have become the coinage of political culture. Take Libya, the latest case of 'humanitarian intervention'. The US-NATO intervention in Libya, with United Nations security council cover, is part of an orchestrated response to show support for the movement against one dictator in particular and by so doing to bring the Arab rebellions to an end by asserting western control, confiscating their impetus and spontaneity and trying to restore the status quo ante. As is now obvious the British and French are boasting of success and that they will control Libyan oil reserves as payment for the six month bombing campaign. Meanwhile, Obama's allies in the Arab world were hard at work promoting democracy. The Saudis entered Bahrain where the population is being tyrannised and large-scale arrests are taking place. Not much of this is being reported on al-Jazeera. I wonder why? The station seems to have been curbed somewhat and brought into line with the politics of its funders. All this with active US support. The despot in Yemen, loathed by a majority of his people continues to kill them every day by remote control from his Saudi base. Not even an arms embargo, let alone a "no-fly zone" have been imposed on him. Libya is yet another case of selective vigilantism by the US and its attack dogs in the west. That the German Greens, amongst the most ardent European defenders of neo-liberalism and war, wanted to be part of this posse reveals more about their own evolution than the intrinsic merits or demerits of intervention. The frontiers of the squalid protectorate that the west is going to create are being decided in Washington. Even those Libyans who, out of desperation, backed NATO's bomber jets, might – like their Iraqi equivalents – live to regret their choice. All this might trigger a third phase at some stage: a growing nationalist anger that spills over into Saudi Arabia and here, have no doubt, Washington will do everything necessary to keep the Saudi royal family in power. Lose Saudi Arabia and they will lose the Gulf States. The assault on Libya, greatly helped by Gaddafi's imbecility on every front, was designed to wrest the initiative back from the streets by appearing as the defenders of civil rights. The Bahrainis, Egyptians, Tunisians, Saudi Arabians, Yemenis will not be convinced, and even in Euro-America more are opposed to this latest adventure than support it. The struggles are by no means over. The 19th century German poet Theodor Däubler wrote that: "The enemy is our own question embodied The problem with this view today is that the category of enemy, determined by US policy needs, changes far too frequently. Yesterday Saddam and Ghaddafi were friends and regularly helped by western intelligence agencies to deal with their own enemies. The latter became friends when the former became enemies. And so the planetary disorder continues. The assassination of Osama Bin Laden was greeted by European leaders as something that would make the world safer. Tell that to the fairies. TARIQ ALI's latest book "The Obama Syndrome: Surrender at Home, War Abroad' is published by Verso.
I said the US regards the world as it's backyard to be maintained as it sees fit, and Europe is a junior partner in this activity.
Tariq Ali says: "...the leaders of Europe [are] junior partners in the imperial family of nations, incapable of self-determination."
I said regime change in Libya isn't an advance in the Arab Spring, it's a defeat.
Tariq Ali says: "The US-NATO intervention in Libya, with United Nations security council cover, is part of an orchestrated response to show support for the movement against one dictator in particular and by so doing to bring the Arab rebellions to an end by asserting western control, confiscating their impetus and spontaneity and trying to restore the status quo ante."
I said al-Jazeera is promoting a US/Qatar agenda.
Tariq Ali says: "The Saudis entered Bahrain where the population is being tyrannised and large-scale arrests are taking place. Not much of this is being reported on al-Jazeera. I wonder why? The station seems to have been curbed somewhat and brought into line with the politics of its funders. All this with active US support."
Remember, in the Institutional Theory world, there doesn't have to be a meeting in some backroom somewhere to work out some quid pro quo. When a foreign power has a large military base in your country, and that same country has a huge market you want to expand into (to highlight just a couple of salient issues here) nobody needs to spell out what you need to so. It's pretty easy to figure it out.
If I'm wrong, Tariq Ali is wrong, and I can't think of anybody I'd rather be wrong with. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tariq_AliPerpetual War
And he will hound us, and we will hound him to the same end."
I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
[ItsAllAboutMeMan] Perpetual War
[ItsAllAboutMeMan] Libya for Libyans
Is this the Zoltan who used to moderate this group? Whoever he is, he teaches at my alma mater. It's interesting that he places me in a camp of people who call the Libyan rebels as contras - I am the only one I know of. If my gang thinks its about oil, if I knew who they were, I'd tell them it's more complicated than that, it's about geopolitical control. Oil was only one consideration when it came to Iraq - the US had decided it needed a more reliable base in the mideast than the Saudis, and it looked like a place that had been battered for a decade and a half by war, sanctions, and that had disarmed itself was a good bet. Squeezing China and Russia out of Libya and Syria, and stopping the independent development of Africa are some of the goals in this round of imperialism. Since NATO began bombing Libya in March, the global peace movement has been split into two camps. One side portrays the bombing campaign as a "humanitarian intervention" to protect Libyan civilians, comparing it to 1990s attacks on Serbia. This side tends to downplay reports of civilian casualties from the bombings and rebel attacks, and depicts the Libyan rebels as armed pro-democracy protesters. The other side asserts the NATO actions have more to do with oil than with human rights, and that the West exercises a double standard by backing dictators in Yemen, Bahrain and elsewhere. This side tends to depict Qaddafi as an anti-imperialist (which the US has been gunning for since Reagan's 1986 bombings), and the Libyan rebels as Contras motivated by tribal loyalties or jihadism. Some war opponents (such as myself) agree that Qaddafi is a tyrant who has lost his past anti-imperialist credentials–by collaborating with conservative politicians and the CIA– and sympathize with pro-democracy protesters. But we still oppose the NATO bombing–on the grounds that two wrongs don't make a right. Toppling a murderous dictator should not be a rationale for imposing Western domination. The most important period in the Libya War is not during the fighting, but after the fighting ceases, because that is when we will see if Libya will continue as a truly independent country, or follow the path of Iraq and Afghanistan. No matter what our stand on the NATO intervention, the antiwar movement could unite around a common demand of letting Libya continue to be ruled by Libyans. If the motives for NATO intervention were so humanitarian, and the revolution so democratic, then surely the NATO powers would now renounce any spoils of war for themselves. They could now withdraw completely from Libyan military, economic and political decision-making, preferring to leave those decisions to the Libyan people themselves. Specifically, Western powers should renounce the use of Libyan military bases, let Libya's oil economy primarily benefit the Libyan people, and avoid the temptation to steer Libyan politics and station advisors in Libyan government ministries. No Foreign Military Bases One of the patterns of recent U.S. military interventions is that they have left behind new, permanent military bases that have expanded the U.S. military sphere of influence into the Middle East, Central Europe and Central Asia. The bases are not simply stationed in order to wage the wars, but the wars are wages in order to station the bases. The bases enable the U.S. to further interfere in domestic politics, and serve as a tripwire for military intervention. The string of new bases from Bosnia to Afghanistan not only host military personnel, aircraft and surveillance, but private security contractors who have become the mercenaries of the 21st century. Under the Libyan monarchy, U.S. had a key military base just outside Tripoli. At least 4,600 Americans were stationed at Wheelus Air Base, which was run by the Strategic Air Command. The U.S. Ambasador to Libya called the base "a Little America…on the sparkling shores of the Mediterranean." The Americans left in 1970, eight months after Qaddafi came to power, and the installation was taken over by the Libyan Air Force, which sustained damage in Reagan's 1986 bombing attack. A decade later, the base became the Mitiga civilian airport. The U.S. had no permanent military bases left in Africa, until Djibouti agreed to host a base after 9/11. The Pentagon set up its Africa Command in 2008, but no African country has so far agreed to host AFRICOM headquarters (even the traditional U.S. client state of Liberia), so the HQ is still in Stuttgart, Germany. The Libya War was AFRICOM's first combat action, and the Pentagon will probably seek a new Libyan home for AFRICOM. NATO forces have had "zero casualties" in Libya, while many Libyans have died in their civil war. The Obama Administration is hoping that the bombing campaign helps to lessen the "Iraq Syndrome" that (like the so-called Vietnam Syndrome) made the public averse to foreign interventions. For the first time in world history, an overconfident country feels it can wage war with absolutely no risk to its own forces–guaranteeing that it will intervene in more wars. Clinton's zero-casualty Kosovo War made the Afghanistan and Iraq wars more likely, and Obama's zero-casualty Libya War could make U.S. citizens more likely to accept a future intervention in Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, or beyond. No Foreign Economic Domination If Iraq is any guide, the Western reconquest of Libya could lead to new frenzy of privatization, particularly in rebuilding the energy and water infrastructure damaged in the bombing and civil war. Qaddafi himself has carried out neoliberal economic policies, but has left the key pillar of the economy in state hands. Although Western oil companies have long been present in Qaddafi's Libya, so far the National Oil Company (NOC) controls about 50 percent of the oil resources. Qaddafi threatened in 2009 to nationalize the rest, as well as to invite in Russian and Chinese competitors. Now that Qaddafi is out of the picture, Western companies see a new opening in the rebel-led government. But would a new rebel government prefer that the profits for Libyan oil go to foreigners, instead of Libya's own development? If their revolution is truly democratic, part of a real democracy would be that the profits from Libyan oil benefit the Libyan people. In a November 6, 2007 U.S. Embassy cable "Growth of Resource Nationalism in Libya" (recently released by Wikileaks), staffer Chris Stevens warned that "the removal of U.S. and UN sanctions and Libya's attendant opening to the world have prompted a resurgence of measures designed to increase the Government of Libya's control over and share of revenue from hydrocarbon resources." He also relayed "a growing concern in the International Oil Company community that NOC, emboldened by soaring oil prices and the press of would-be suitors, will seek better terms on both concession and production-sharing agreements… Libyan labor laws have also been amended to 'Libyanize' the economy in several key sectors." Stevens concluded that "Effective U.S. engagement on this issue should take the form of demonstrating the clear downsides to the Government of Libya of pursuing this approach, particularly with respect to attracting participation by credible international oil companies in the oil/gas sector and foreign direct investment." Whether or not the Libya War has been another Western war for oil, in the case of France toppling Qaddafi is the last battle in its war for uranium. African uranium is to (nuclear energy-reliant) France what Persian Gulf oil is to the United States. Since the 1970s, French forces have battled Libyan troops in the uranium-rich Tibesti Mountains of northern Chad, a region coveted by both countries. It comes as no surprise that France led the charge to dismantle Qaddafi's nuclear program and then to eliminate him, thereby having unfettered future access to the region's nuclear fuel. No Foreign Advisors In Iraq and Afghanistan, the U.S. positioned "advisers" in the ministries of the new governments it installed in power. These advisers have led the privatization of industries, and made the governments economically dependent on foreign aid and NGOs, and corporate expertise and infrastructure, rather than training the population how to develop their own economy. The same pattern may reoccur in Libya, though perhaps in the guise of the United Nations and foreign NGOs. It will be telling to see if the Libyan rebels' transitional government can demonstrate true independence on foreign policy, for example on the questions of Palestinian statehood and bolstering the African Union. Western security advisers also tend to exacerbate internal differences (religious, ethnic, and tribal) by dividing the population into "Good Guys" who cooperate with Western plans, and "Bad Guys" who oppose them. As shown in Iraq and Afghanistan (not to mention Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, etc.) these divisions do not correspond to a commitment to human rights. Yesterday's thuggish friends can easily become today's thuggish enemies, or (as in case of Libyan jihadist rebels) the other way around. Even if they try to reconcile warring factions, foreign advisors also tend to leave out civil society (such as the women, the youth, and elders who have traditionally had an internal peacemaking role), giving a voice only to warlords who have their own militias. If the Western powers wish to portray their war aims as humanitarian, they should renounce any designs for military bases, economic control, or government advisers in Libya. But I'm not holding my breath. Some of the Libyan rebel leadership have enjoyed close relations in exile with U.S., British and French intelligence agencies (much like the Western-rehabilitated Qaddafi), and show no signs of reigning in foreign oil companies. The global human rights community has to hold both Qaddafi and rebel forces accountable to the Libyan people, and demand that their own governments not pressure Libyans to accept a long-term foreign presence. The global peace movement can continue its debate over the war, but unite around the demand of "Libya for the Libyans." Dr. Zoltan Grossman is a professor of geography at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. He is a civilian Member of the Board of G.I. Voice, an antiwar veterans group that runs the Coffee Strong resource center for soldiers outside Fort Lewis: http://www.coffeestrong.org His website is at http://academic.evergreen.edu/g/grossmaz and he can be reached at grossmaz@evergreen.edu
I hope he is similarly simplifying the view of the humanitarian interventionists, because Serbia is not a model for anything that anybody should follow. If leftists believe that was successful, they haven't been reading the left press, they've fallen prey to mainstream propaganda again. Clinton should be on trial for war crimes in that intervention.
Grossman sets up something of a strawman in the 2nd paragraph. Who, other than a fascist, would not sympathize with pro-democracy protesters? It's CIA assets and NATO-trained, armed and directed contras I don't like. It's kind a rhetorical question, but what is worse, somebody who lost anti-imperialist credentials, or somebody that is starting out without any?
However, the deed is now done, and I agree, we can certainly unite around the demand of "Libya for the Libyans."
And I want a pony for Christmas.
http://www.counterpunch.org/2011/09/07/libya-for-libyans/Libya for Libyans
--
I want to play in your town for you and 2 of your friends.
http://eventful.com/performers/matt-love-/P0-001-000156481-4/demands
Monday, September 05, 2011
[ItsAllAboutMeMan] Fwd: British Rocker Billy Bragg on Labor Strikes and Songs, Activism, and the Murdoch Hacking Scandal | Democracy Now! Daily Digest for 09/05/11
I left this on Democracy Now!'s online comment form:
I went to the story online to see if you were going to challenge Billy Bragg on his support for My Little Tony. It was really disgraceful, and people should say what gives, just as they shouldn't give Neil Young a free ride about his support for Reagan and Bush. I was disappointed to see there is no room on your website for listener feedback. Even National Propaganda Radio has that, and it's more liberal in its moderation than Huffington. If being in the left is about community building, we should be able to talk to each other and debate, and not just listen to the wisdom on high - and you should want to facilitate the conversation. And you should find somebody else to talk about Libya, Juan Cole has seriously lead us astray. Oh, I imagine that down the road he'll be saying "they tricked me into holding up that bottle of talcum and saying it was chemical weapons, they talked fancy to me," but we need accurate information now.
I do not understand the loinization for Billy Bragg by the left given his slavish devotion to the horrible Clinton and Bush lapdog (or is it lapdancer?) Tony Blair. A couple of years ago that woman in Mecca Normal did a similar rimjob of Bragg on her blog. I left a very reasonable and moderate comment about this, but she moderates her blog, and did not publish the comments, so now I know she is no leftist, either.
From: Democracy Now! <digest@democracynow.org>
Date: Mon, Sep 5, 2011 at 10:00 AM
Subject: British Rocker Billy Bragg on Labor Strikes and Songs, Activism, and the Murdoch Hacking Scandal | Democracy Now! Daily Digest for 09/05/11
To: mattlove1@earthlink.net
Email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. | |||||||||||||
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You are receiving this email because you signed up at www.democracynow.org. View email in browser | Unsubscribe mattlove1@earthlink.net Democracy Now! | 207 W 25th St | 11th Floor | New York, NY | 10001 |
--
I want to play in your town for you and 2 of your friends.
http://eventful.com/performers/matt-love-/P0-001-000156481-4/demands
Monday, August 29, 2011
[ItsAllAboutMeMan] My Dinner With Satan
[Production Note: This is a musical adaptation of my earlier production, "My Conversation With Satan." While it can be enjoyed without following the embedded links in the following text, I highly recommend that you partake of them.]
My Dinner With Satan
By Matt Love, author
UallR Funny, additional dialogue
theamvgirlx - associate producer
A short while ago, I had a chance encounter on the street with Satan. I don't usually go out of my way to talk with malevolent entities, but I will pretty much talk with anybody who starts a conversation with me. I'll talk with robots, I'll chat with women that want to show me their naughty bits on webcam, I'll chat with Nigerians with excellent investment opportunities for me in their country, and yes, I will chat with the Prince of Darkness himself I will play a gig anywhere there are 3 people that want to see me, a booking in hell couldn't be much worse that Shelton, Washington, L O L! I never used to say L O L, but Satan says it, and now that he's mind controlled me, I find I'm saying it too.
Act 1
Satan: ass off
Matt: ok
Satan: u crap
Matt: not as often as I would like to
Satan: I don't know u
Satan: so twat off
Matt: ok
Satan: block me
Matt: why? I find you entertaining. I would miss our little talks.
Satan: I don't know u, so block me asswiper
Matt: I did not think I knew you, either, but now I remember. You're the single white guy who paints and plays music in live art and music shows, you're into the paranormal and design spirit type graphics. I'm the married white guy who is a Pisces And I like Chihuahuas and Chinese noodles. Can I make a movie of this conversation?
Satan: why not
Matt: great! can I use your real name?
Satan: what is my real name?
Matt: that doesn't seem to be the easiest thing to figure out.
Satan: send me link to blog so I can talk more crap to u on ur knobbing stupid crap blog ok?
Satan: Satan is my name. use it please
Matt: Satan aka Robert Brown
Satan: Who is Robert Brown?
Matt: Robert Brown is your name on Tagged
Satan: I'm not on tagged
Satan: tagged.com sucks. For wimps
Matt: somebody spoofed us both then.
Satan: I'm on MySpace and face book. tagged.com. never used it. Satan is my fav name so use my real fav name. People know who I am. Satan prince of the world
Matt: I've always wondered if you were real..
Satan: I'm very real
Satan: god is real
Satan: angels are real
Matt: this is great news, because I thought "If I ever talk to Satan I'm going to ask him to join The Ice hole Sailors"
Satan: demons on real
Matt: but I see from your attitude that you are not a joiner, but you might be a ruler.
Satan: ice hole saloon. funny. I'm a member
Matt: You can be the new lead vocalist We even have a song named after one of your minor demons. "dust devil"
Satan: L O L
Matt: that's very demonic, and I'm frightened now.
Matt: I wish I was in my bathtub with my rubber ducky. I would squeeze it. or maybe singing my song... The Beelzebub of Scrub A Dub Dub. I have a long history of interest in demonology
Satan: ur funny. 2 bad u will burn in hell while I L O L at u. Would you like to have a bite to eat?
Matt: Wow, Satan, that would be great. What have you got in mind?
Satan: How about an intimate tête-à-tête at a little place called Harry Housen's?
Matt: Wow, that would be great, but there's no chance of getting in. That place is always packed.
Satan: Oh, I have a reservation.
Matt: How did you do that?
Satan: I just called, you know...
Matt: Didn't use some sort of demonic intervention?
Satan: Oh, you.
[Satan and Matt enter the restaurant. They are immediately seated by a very solicitous and unctuous waiter. Their conversation continues while they are attended to closely by the wait staff; napkins are placed on laps, menus in hands, Satan's horns are polished.
Matt: This is great, I have a tremendous appetite.
Satan: I have an appetite for destruction.
Matt: Let's have some appetizers
Satan: Good. I'll order some deviled eggs.
Matt: Have you eaten here before?
Satan: Oh yes, many times.
Matt: What do you recommend?
Satan: How about a nice sizzling steak? I'll tie you to it, and the chef can light it, ha!
Matt: ha ha! yes, an old one, but a good one, none-the-less. what are you having?
Satan: Not sure yet. Leaning towards the red snapper. but that would be like cannibalism.
Just then the waiter returns.
Waiter (to Satan) What does sir desire?
Satan: Not sure yet. Start with him [gestures towards Matt, the waiter turns to Matt]
Matt: I'll have a sea bass, and don't stint on the low frequencies.
Satan [closing the menu with finality]: Deviled ham, please.
[The waiter leaves, their conversation returns to music).
Matt: So anyway, you should really listen to The Beelzebub of Scrub A Dub Dub. I think you would dig it. You can hear it on soundclick.
Satan: as if Ill click a sound click link. that site sucks my evil big ass balls
Matt: well, I guess I don't have any choice. I'll just have to give you the real The Beelzebub of Scrub A Dub Dub treatment live [Don't be a Satan, check it out here and now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIO9y1xMPIA]
[Matt joined by wait staff and orchestra - which up until then had been quietly playing muzak versions of Icehole Sailors songs - strike up a brilliant rendition of The Beelzebub of Scrub A Dub Dub, with restaurant customers and staff unite in a Busby Berkeley routine (see for example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIO9y1xMPIA).
Satan: I see all things. I know all things. And I know I've never seen anything like that before.
Matt: Well, it's nothing really. I was born this way.
Satan: I can come within ur soul and make u do very bad things. watch
Matt: you are right! instead of eating this celery, I'm going to push it up my nose now [does so]
Satan: I'm better then god. u no why?
Matt: that's amazing, how do you do that? it's like you're thinking at me with my brain
Satan: watch this. man I'm so evil
Matt: ouch, that hurts
Satan: projecting into ur little brain evil things. like a bad movie
Matt: yes, I didn't know something that big would fit there. ouch
Satan: ur so gay
Matt: you made me do it
Satan: pitch fork u to death. yes how I made u make a movie about me
Matt: Once I was pursued by a mob with pitchforks and torches.
Satan: pretty dam cool of u. I will not take u to hell that fast. keep serving my will. pray to me. thank me for not taking u to hell now
Matt: Let me tell you how it was [Once again the restaurant mobilizes in a festive performance, this time of "I Got Ideas" - http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=6173018]
Satan: Oh, shut up
[Curtain falls. Orchestra continues to play muzak versions of Icehole Sailors songs through the first intermission]
Act 2
[It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker have established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.
The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space....
Meanwhile, back on Earth, I continue My Dinner With Satan. Curtain rises]
***
Matt: So Satan, is it true you don't have music in hell, only in purgatory?
Satan: there is no purgatory. only heaven and hell.
Matt: did they lie about that to me, too?
Satan: and the middle grounds on which u stand. the bible was written by me by the way.
Matt: well, I've imagined there's no purgatory... It's easy if you try.
Satan: not a word really true. no history can back up the bible lies. no facts other than a few broken stone tablets.
Matt: how about John Lennon, is he with you, too?
Satan: John is in hell, yes.
Matt: Can I expect to meet Kurt Cobain in hell, too?
Satan: dime bag Darrell is in hell.
jimmy Hendrix is in hell.
Jim Morrison is in hell.
Paul will die next.
he also will be coming to hell.
Matt: I was in a band that opened for Nirvana once. but I didn't meet Cobain because there were like 8 bands in between us. So I'm looking forward to meeting him in hell.
Satan: ringo will also live in hell forever.
Matt: How about Andy Warhol? Hell?
Satan: Kurt is in hell. he killed himself and many think it was a murder.
Matt: Can you ask him if it's true what Rat said - that he remembered me from the Wimps? Cause I didn't remember him at all.
Satan: I was watching him rolling on the floor as he shot up drugs and then shot himself. It was so funny.
Matt: Brian Jones? Is he in hell?
Satan: he is a special friend to me we get along great. he reaps souls for me part time.
Matt: Jim Croce?
Satan: no Jim C. did not make it to hell.
Matt: Oh, man. if anybody deserved to go to hell..
Satan: he is alive. faked death.
Matt: ah, so he still has a chance..
Satan: like Bon. Bon lost his singing voice. so he faked his death. Bon will be living in hell when he dies.
Matt: Bon? Jovi?
Satan: Scott. As in AC/DC
Matt: oh, right.
Satan: highway to hell
Matt: and he didn't even make it. ironic.
Matt: Elvis is not in hell. he is alive
Matt: is he hanging out with Emilia Earhart and L Ron Hubbard on a UFO ?
Satan: he will go to hell when he dies.
Matt: Excuse me, I got a chunk of steak caught in my throat, I need to go to the men's room and try to suction it out with a toilet plunger. Of course, since you are Satan you already knew that. brb!
Satan: you will choke and die. ass off
[The curtain falls, the audience laughs uproariously and applauds.]
Act 3
The gripping conclusion to "My Dinner With Satan" . It's a story old as time, yet paradoxically ripped from today's headlines. It's Boy meets Satan, Boy gets Satan, Boy loses Satan. It's all this and more. Can your heart stand the shocking facts about My Dinner With Satan?
***
Satan: Your music sucks so I'm going to suggest to everybody they listen to it and judge for themselves... the worst music I ever heard,, After they listen and rate it, you will be booted off sound clits.. or my name isn't AlzBuzzaBob, short for Satan.. L O L
Matt: thank you for the warm endorsement. I have added it to my soundclick page News section, Along with some other choice quotes from other respected authorities.
Satan: the band's name is asshole butt lickers, right?
Matt: Actually, it's the Ice Hole Sailors. I've been thinking the band needs some good, oak hearted work songs about chopping a hole in the ice, then sailing around in the open water. I expect the songs would have to be very short. I have a short one... "Oh Cabin Boy, Oh Cabin Boy, That dirty little nipper, He rimmed his ass with broken glass, And circumcised the skipper."
[Once again, blah blah blah. A jazz arrangement, sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum one of the all time great shanty tunes, based on this version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1_0YIp1DtQ]
Satan: awesome job for a butt monkey ass lover.
Matt: I'm overwhelmed by your generous praise.
Satan: I will summon the waiter for some dessert. [Gestures. Waiter is immediately by their side]
Waiter: May I suggest the Angel's Food Cake?
Satan: Never touch the stuff.
Waiter: Divinity?
Satan: are you trying to make me sick? Bring me a slice of Devil's food cake.
Matt: I'll have ladyfingers.
Satan [Approvingly]. Yes! Yes! A very good choice.
Matt: While I was in the men's room dislodging that steak, it occurred to me that this encounter between us would make a great theatrical presentation, a musical, a spectacle like old times!. . You've already heard some of the songs. I would use, I sang them here. I have ideas for some new ones.. But then, since you're Satan, you already know that. You probably planted them in me and made me think of them, just like you made me order ladyfingers for dessert.
Satan: Sucks. worst music i ever heard,, ,,i'll play lead guitar and sing in ur show,,..as alzbuzzabob
Matt: Alzbubbabob, my redeemer Or at least the redeemer of my music! This is so excellent I'm humbled and excited by your generosity. if it costs me my soul, so be it. How to go about building a better music now? I'm working on one thing...Satan lives within me this I know, though the bible don't say so, little children black and white, are his dinner for tonight, yes Satan hates me, yes Satan hates me, yes Satan hates me, the book of Satan tells me so. He'll have me for dessert.
[goes on to sing "Everything is Horrible In It's Own Way" which may or may not sound something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a45z_HG3WU]
Satan: that was funny
Matt: maybe more in a R E O speedwagon vein? And I'm gonna keep on killing You, Cause it's the only thing I wanna do, I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on killing you. Baby, I'm gonna keep on killing you, Cause it's the only thing I wanna do, I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on killing you.
[may sounds a bit like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgT_mJXbvCQ]
Satan: ha ha. I was playing them for a girl i like... ass u
Matt: I'm just trying to figure out what the points of contact here are.
Satan: whatever dude,, u will burn in hell,, while i fork u to death
Matt: I have tried to get down to the bottom of the tagged thing. It's clear you don't have an account there. They must rival you for being evil! Myself, I go there for the ladies... Desicma H, sallyanne mark, Elô C, J Flo, Adriana M, Adriana Rosa C, Aiko Kimberly C, aishwarya, Alvaro P, Amber W, Ashley A, Babycristy L, Berenice, Black Angel, Borneo Gurlz, Browning S, Choey, Cindy H, Connie A, Cory N...
Satan: we must fill out a contract in ur blood...make it.
Matt: Satan the King Hell Demon, Had some very pointy horns, They've been poking my backside, Every day since I was born. All of the other demons, said "please kill the cast of Glee, If you do that dear Satan, You'll spare us all misery." just going with the ideas here
[To the tune of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvD9TkNlk_I]
Satan: so are you gonna sign?
Matt: of my collaborations are of the virtual persuasion, although I do like to consummate them with some face-to-face drinking, swordplay and human sacrifice
Satan: ok,,.
Matt: Do you like rap music? Here's a song I wrote with Badboy J ande my friend Leo, it's called Cachaca
[Big production number, yadda yadda yadda - performs this song: http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/2775088]
Satan: Whatever.
Matt: By the way, I tried to post a comment on your Facebook page, but it says, "Sorry, you may not have permission to add this comment or the original post may have been deleted.
Satan: i blocked u because ur music really really really sucks,, and i can support a band that sucks as much as u guys,,,so crap off
Matt: I'm glad to know you can support my band, because I'm really looking forward to what you will add to our sound with your singing and guitar playing. Soon I will complete the My Dinner with Satan Fart 3? A trilogy with only two parts is like Tommy Lee without a penis.
Satan: i ment to say cant u guys suck and I could careless what u say or do u suck and will always suck twat off and die
Matt: I've been improving the titles of the Ice hole Sailors songs, but to improve the actual songs would take demonic intervention I think.
Satan: stop talking to me u suck my big fat harry balls knob off and die for real..You cant kill whats already dead bitch again don crapping talk to me again u twatting knob.
Matt: OK, I can see you are having one of those midweek slumps. I'll wait a while before I talk to you about the Icehole Sailors again.
Satan: ok now I'm gonna fry u. I gave u a chance to back off now I will play the game and fry u to hell assing crap off
Matt: I get the impression you may have cooled somewhat to the project.
Satan: warning I will twat ur life up for real u better stop talking to me u knobbing ass for real
Matt: If that's how you want it to be, Satan...
Satan: crap off. I have stuffed my ears with chunks of spam, so no use in talking to me any more asshole.
[Curtain closes, audience gives a respectful. sustained standing ovation]
Additional resources:
http://www.soundclick.com/IceholeSailors
http://www.soundclick.com/TheFrostHeaves
http://www.soundclick.com/Waiters
http://mattlove1.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEkvz9y4cNg
Act 2
http://www.soundclick.com/wimps
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2MY2cGoxWk
Act 3:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ufolksvids
http://www.facebook.com/abranson3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEkvz9y4cNg
--
I want to play in your town for you and 2 of your friends.
http://eventful.com/performers/matt-love-/P0-001-000156481-4/demands