I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Friday, February 24, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] The Cartoons that Shook the World

Unique among religions, the Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny welcome ridicule of our faith and our deity.  In fact, it is one of the central tenets of our belief.

So if you want to make fun of the Easter Bunny - the Grand Ayatollah Gleaming Skull sez "bring it on!"

Larry Sakin
The Cartoons that Shook the World
23 February 2006

When I first read about the Islamic response to a Danish newspapers' publishing of cartoons depicting Mohammed, I remembered the worldwide reaction Sinead O'Connor received when she ripped up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live. I also thought of the reactions of Christians to Martin Scorsese's "Last Temptation of Christ."

All religious people react irrationally when a symbol of their belief is somehow denigrated. Religion is deeply ingrained upon the emotions of individuals and they often act emotionally when their beliefs are challenged. And because religion can be felt on such a deep level, it sometimes becomes a good breeding ground for fanatics.
 
 
 



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[CanYoAssDigIt] Good News for Modern Matt

GOOD NEWS from BBC News: Masturbation 'cuts cancer risk'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/3072021.stm

Men could
reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular
masturbation, researchers suggest. They say cancer-causing chemicals
could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly. And
they say sexual intercourse may not have the same protective effect
because of the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted
infection, which could increase men's cancer risk. Australian
researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate
cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits. They found
those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were
the least likely to develop the cancer. The protective effect was
greatest while the men were in their 20s. Men who ejaculated more
than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate
cancer later in life. FLUID Previous research has suggested that a
high number of sexual partners or a high level of sexual activity
increased a man's risk of developing prostate cancer by up to 40%.
But the Australian researchers who carried out this study suggest the
early work missed the protective effect of ejaculation because it
focused on sexual intercourse, with its associated risk of STIs.
Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, who led
the research team, told New Scientist: "Had we been able to remove
ejaculations associated with sexual intercourse, there should have
been an even stronger protective effect of ejaculations." The
researchers suggest that ejaculating may prevent carcinogens
accumulating in the prostate gland. The prostate provides a fluid
into semen during ejaculation that activates sperm and prevents them
sticking together. The fluid has high concentrations of substances
including potassium, zinc, fructose and citric acid, which are drawn
from the bloodstream. But animal studies have shown carcinogens such
as 3-methylchloranthrene, found in cigarette smoke, are also
concentrated in the prostate. 'Flushing out' Dr Giles said fewer
ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up. "It's a prostatic
stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less
there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them." A
similar connection has been found between breast cancer and
breastfeeding, where lactating appeared to "flush out" carcinogens,
reduce a woman's risk of the disease, New Scientist reports. Another
theory put forward by the researchers is that ejaculation may induce
prostate glands to mature fully, making them less susceptible to
carcinogens. Dr Chris Hiley, head of policy and research at the UK's
Prostate Cancer Charity, told BBC News Online: "This is a plausible
theory." She added: "In the same way the human papillomavirus has
been linked to cervical cancer, there is a suggestion that bits of
prostate cancer may be related to a sexually transmitted infection
earlier in life." Anthony Smith, deputy director of the Australian
Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in
Melbourne, said the research could affect the kind of lifestyle
advice doctors give to patients. "Masturbation is part of people's
sexual repertoire. "If these findings hold up, then it's perfectly
reasonable that men should be encouraged to masturbate," he said.
"This is a plausible theory," said Dr Chris Hiley, Prostate Cancer
Charity.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/3072021.stm

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[CanYoAssDigIt] Charity is now a crime

Don't give anything to the needy, or you will be investigated

* Venezuelan-Owned Citgo Faces Congressional Inquiry For Offering Discounted
Oil to U.S. Poor *

Republican Congressmember Joe Barton of Texas has launched an investigation
into one of the world¹s major oil companies - Citgo. The Venezuelan-owned
company announced a discounted gas program for poor Americans last year.
We¹ll speak with Democratic New York Congressman Jose Serrano, one of the
few members of Congress promoting this effort.

Listen/Watch/Read
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/02/24/1513213

We turn now to a story that Juan Gonzalez has been covering in the New
York Daily News.

In Washington, Republican Congressman Joe Barton of Texas has launched
an investigation into one of the world's major oil companies. But he
is not investigating whether any of the oil giants are engaging in
price gouging at a time when gasoline and heating oil casts are
skyrocketing. Instead Barton has set his sights on the only oil
company that actually dared to lower its prices last year - at least
for the poorest Americans. Last week Barton demanded the
Venezuelan-owned company Citgo produce all records, minutes, logs,
e-mails and even desk calendars related to the company's novel program
of supplying discounted heating oil to low-income communities in the
United States. The Citgo program, which began late last year in
Massachusetts and the South Bronx, provides oil at discounts as high
as 60% off market price. We hear an excerpt of Venezuelan President
Hugo Chavez. He first announced the discounted gas program during an
interview with Democracy Now! on September 16, 2005.

* Rep. Jose Serrano, (D-New York)

To purchase an audio or video copy of this entire program, click here
for our new online ordering or call 1 (888) 999-3877.


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Thursday, February 23, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Tootsie Vs. Mrs. Doubtfire

Ok, let's forget for a moment that the country is being run by a bunch
of lying pirates and thugs perfectly capable of covert actions that
would lead to the deaths of hundreds of civilians (they've killed at
least 100,000 - why would they regard a few hundred more as a
problem?) -

I have an idea for a new movie!

Let me set the scene - the outskirts of Tokyo. people are heading
into the city to work. Busy, orderly, industrious, reluctant to
re-militarize their society in the way the Cheney administration wants
them too.

Then, quietly at first, almost inaudible - thoom, thoom, thoom....

gradually all activity stops, people begin to murmur between themselves....

thoom, thoom, thoom....

.... shooting sharp glances around, bewildered, uncertain where the
sound is coming from....

thoom, thoom, thoom....

the sound increases in intensity, the ground begins to shake, plaster
is cracking, people begin to run pell mell, in a panic, still not
knowing what is towards the danger, what is away...

THOOM THOOM THOOM

quick montage of scenes - the floor under a sushi chef suddenly
lurches, he cuts his arm and screams in pain... Mr. Moto takes out a
magnifying glass and examines a piece of fallen plaster... Bill
Murray and Scarlett Johanson race out of a hotel, objects falling
around them...

And then we see it, a giant, gigantic, gargantuan Dustin Hoffman IN
DRAG lurches into view, smashing everything in his path!

The usual scenes of mayhem and destruction. Oh, who will save the
good people of Tokyo now - but just when it seems hopeless - Robin
Williams IN DRAG, lurches out of the waters of Tokyo Bay, eyes
glowing, spitting fire.

Tokyo's beloved champion shrieks out his challenge. Started, Dustin
Hoffman turns, his red dress shimmering in the firelight. He shoots
stinging foam into Williams eyes, who staggers, bellowing, clawing at
his blinded eyes. But he recovers and hocks a huge fireball at
Hoffman!

What do you think?


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Sunday, February 19, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: Invitation to join the OrthodoxMysticKnightsoftheEasterBunny group


On 20 Feb 2006 04:44:04 -0000, OrthodoxMysticKnightsoftheEasterBunny moderator < OrthodoxMysticKnightsoftheEasterBunny-owner@yahoogroups.com> wrote:











This invitation expires in 30 days. Monday, 20 February 2006 - 4:44 AM GMT

















matt.mattlove1@gmail.com has invited you to join the OrthodoxMysticKnightsoftheEasterBunny group!











An alternative to Religions that kill.

This movement, part mystery play, part social network, part spiritual
discipline, centers around worship of a Pooka, variously named Harvey,
the Easter Bunny (and some say "Bugs Bunny", The hare of Aesop's tale,
Bunny Breckenridge, and others) as he is manifest in mundane reality
throughout human history.

One of the central tenets of the faith is "first, do no harm." To
date, nobody has been killed, oppressed, or persecuted by the Mystic
Knights of the Easter Bunny. Of course, this drives the haters wild,
and the Mystic Knights have had to endure persecution themselves.

There are two main branches to the faith; there are the Reformed
Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny, and there are the Orthodox Mystic
Knights of the Easter Bunny.

The Reformed branch of the religion follow the teachings of Saint
Elwood P. Dowd who believed in a program of passive resistance,
similar to Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. They took their mantra
from the words of their leader, who said "My mother used to say to me,
'Elwood' -- she always called me Elwood -- 'Elwood, in this world you
must be oh-so clever, or oh-so pleasant.' For years I was clever. I'd
recommend pleasant -- and you may quote me."

The Orthodox branch follows the teachings of the Grand Ayatollah
Gleaming Skull, who teaches in staying the course, and remaining
clever. It's difficult to judge which group has been more vigorously
persecuted as a result of their teachings.

We Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny understand that the great bulk
of humanity does indeed love a religion that sanctions (and vigorously
practices) murder. But for those weird misfits that are looking for
something breathtakingly strange and different, there is an
alternative. Explore both branches of the faith, and select the one
that best suits you.






















Yahoo! Groups is a free service that allows you to stay in touch with friends and family or meet new people who share your interests. Yahoo! Groups values your privacy. It is a violation of our service rules for members to abuse this invitation feature. If you feel this has happened, please notify us. You may also change your email preferences to stop receiving group invitations in the future. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to our Terms of Service.



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[CanYoAssDigIt] Religions that kill, and a refreshing alternative

There was an interesting piece on 60 Minutes that made it pretty clear
that the publishing of the anti-Muslim cartoons in Denmark was a
pretty ugly act of deliberate provocation against a very small
minority. Only 2% of the population is Muslim, but you'd think they
were overrunning the country from the hysterical Christianist response
in Europe and here.

The people at the newspaper said that they publish satirical cartoons
on any subject - yet just this year they refused to publish a cartoon
mocking the Resurrection of Christ, as they were concerned it would
offend people's sensibilities.

The Muslims of Denmark made every attempt to advance their concerns in
appropriate, legal, and conciliatory ways, to be rebuffed at every
turn by Danish private and governmental institutions.

It seems quite likely the ghoulish Thanatos worshiping X-ians were
quite delighted to have succeeded beyond their wildest imaginations in
provoking the Muslims to violence.

I have been thinking at greater length about the situation, and have
pondered again Tim's statements that "you gotta love religions that
sanction murder." Apparently this is true, compelled by nature or
nurture, people do indeed love murderous religions, and the more
murderous they are, the more they love them.

I gave some pretty good examples of the major religions that
originated in middle eastern tribal religions, or descended from them.
Are any sects of these religions free of murderous intent? I thought
of the Quakers, but Richard Nixon was a Quaker.

How about other religions? We certainly know Buddhists and Hindus can
spill blood with the best of them. African and Indigenous tribal
religions were bloodthirsty, though on a retail level, compared to the
wholesale violence and slaughter that was visited upon them by
Christendom.

In fact, I only know of one religious faith that has never done hard
by the world, and I think that it's high time the world finds about
it. Up until now, I have alluded to my faith now and again, but I
think the world is in such a state that I make a public offering as it
were, and allow the entire human population the opportunity to get a
franchise in the next big thing in spirituality.

I am referring, of course, to the Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny.
This movement, part mystery play, part social network, part spiritual
discipline, centers around worship of a Pooka, variously named Harvey,
the Easter Bunny (and some say "Bugs Bunny", The hare of Aesop's tale,
Bunny Breckenridge, and others) as he is manifest in mundane reality
throughout human history.

One of the central tenets of the faith is "first, do no harm." To
date, nobody has been killed, oppressed, or persecuted by the Mystic
Knights of the Easter Bunny. Of course, this drives the haters wild,
and the Mystic Knights have had to endure persecution themselves.

There are two main branches to the faith; there are the Reformed
Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny, and there are the Orthodox Mystic
Knights of the Easter Bunny.

The Reformed branch of the religion follow the teachings of Saint
Elwood P. Dowd who believed in a program of passive resistance,
similar to Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. They took their mantra
from the words of their leader, who said "My mother used to say to me,
'Elwood' -- she always called me Elwood -- 'Elwood, in this world you
must be oh-so clever, or oh-so pleasant.' For years I was clever. I'd
recommend pleasant -- and you may quote me."

The Orthodox branch follows the teachings of the Grand Ayatollah
Gleaming Skull, who teaches in staying the course, and remaining
clever. It's difficult to judge which group has been more vigorously
persecuted as a result of their teachings.

We Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny understand that the great bulk
of humanity does indeed love a religion that sanctions (and vigorously
practices) murder. But for those weird misfits that are looking for
something breathtakingly strange and different, there is an
alternative. Explore both branches of the faith, and select the one
that best suits you.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Magazine Article

The cover story of the current People Magazine is "Britney Spears
Speaks Her Mind."

I've attached the text of the article below.


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