I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] My Date With the Exorcist

This story has always gotten a big laugh from anyone I've told it to. I
hadn't thought of it for a while, but I was at one of the locations
involved tonight and was reminded. And now, with these discussion
groups, I’ve found my dream audience.

You’ll have to take my word for it that this is true. It has an
extremely dark side in that it’s a sickening tragedy for this woman’s
poor son. Still, I defy anyone not to laugh. It do go on for a bit, so
you may want to grab a bottle of some monastery liqueur to sip and
remind you that the Catholic church was at least good for one thing.

May, 2002: The romance was like a fairy tale, in that it was improbable
and really stupid. We met by chance, she liked my hair, I liked her
face, this is America, what else should matter? We talked several times
on the phone before going out. It was established that she was a
godster, I wasn’t, and we could both live with it. In retrospect this
seems a ludicrous proposition. My excuse is that I had just started
antidepressants, and as a side effect was going through a priapic second
pubescence. Her excuse is that she’s crazy.

We went to Mercato, a rather upscale joint, at least for a working class
schmuck like me. The food was great, the tiny table shaky, the
atmosphere vapid. Expensive nonetheless. I was out of my element, with
vinegar and oil to dip the bread in, crème brulee, yadda. I remember the
dinner conversation being pleasant, although I couldn’t tell you what it
was about. But, boy howdy, I can remember what we talked about later.

On the way home, we stopped at Ralph’s (That’s a supermarket, for our
friends in Tacoma and Seattle.) for some reason or other. After checking
out, we sat on a bench in the foyer. Which happened to be near Ralph’s
book section. Although Ralph’s has the usual selection of
below-lowest-common-denominator magazines, all of their books proper are
christer merde. She pulled one off the shelf and told me that it would
be a very good thing if I were to read it. So much for the belief system
détente.

The book was by a home-town (Lacey) author, and a story of demonic
possession. Not fiction. My date thought it important that I be warned
such things can happen. Even in Thurston County, I guess. From this
point on, those readers among you who have seen the movie “True Stories”
can get a fairly accurate picture of my expressions by remembering John
Goodman’s character, Lewis Fyne, as he listens to what The Lying Woman
is telling him on their date.

Well, okay, thinks I, it can’t get worse. (Fucking Celexa, anyway.) She
went on from there to tell me that the same thing had happened to her 17
year old son. Of the many spooky goings-on in their household, the one I
remember in the most detail is about the demon manifesting outside the
boy’s body, without a host.

The boy, y’see, had been given a phone number by a buddy he met at
Catholic youth camp in California. This buddy knew exactly what to do in
case of possession, and had advised my date's son to give him a call in
case it happened. Good friend, because you just never know when that
might happen. The son was lying on the couch, possessed, physically ill,
just ALL messed up. He had the phone number with him. But who should
come in and steal it but the demon in the guise of mom! I never quite
understood how the demon was possessing him and outside of him at the
same time. (See? At this point the story started not to make sense.)

Mom took him to St. Peter Hospital. (btw Isn’t that kind of a foreboding
name for a hospital?) The shrink diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. Mom
did not like that. No paranoid schizophrenics in our house, are there
dear? She sought a second opinion. And a third. This being after all a
Catholic hospital, she eventually found a “doctor” who puts the “quack”
into AFLAC, and this doctor said: “This is not a matter for medicine. It
is a matter for The Church.”

Mom took the kid, who was not paranoid schizophrenic at all or anything
like that, home and got on the horn to the local diocese (-I think. I’m
not too swift with Catholic taxonomy). It turns out that western
Washington, hell, all of Washington, is slap out of exorcists. Finally
she found one in Chicago, who talked her through the procedure by phone
and fax. (Wasn't it nice of God to invent the fax machine?) It worked.

Since then, the kid wears a St. Christopher medal and about a dozen
others, and Mr. Demon has not been back.

To paraphrase Nigel Tufnel: “We shan’t date together again.”


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Re: [CanYoAssDigIt] Zappa Plays Zappa Tour

As another non-doctor, I agree with the diagnosis. Given the difficulty
of Frank's music, not to mention new arrangements thereof, and that the
band will be non-Zappa veterans, three months does not sound like long
enough to me. If I were Dweezil, I'd pay Ahmet to stay out of the project.
sugarzareh

Matt Love wrote:

>This tour could be very cool.
>
>Dweezil's comments about computers are interesting. Could he have
>inherited his father's (apparently - I'm no doctor)
>obsessive-compusive personality?
>________________________________________________________________________
>
> Date: Sat, 14 May 2005 20:36:24 -0000
> From: "feickerr" <feickerr@yahoo.com>
>Subject: Re: Zappa Plays Zappa tour
>
>--- In DweezilZappa@yahoogroups.com, Antal Adriaanse
><spiegelbeeld@y...> wrote:
>
>
>>from alt.fan.frank-zappa:
>>This From Universal Audio webzine May 2005:
>>
>>"In addition to all the audio restoration he's been
>>doing, Dweezil has been
>>recording a new solo album titled, Go With What You
>>Know, which is coming
>>out in May 2005.
>>
>>"I haven't really decided what direction to take this
>>new solo record that'
>>I'm working on," he says. "I have some stuff that's a
>>little more old-school
>>and some stuff that's more modern-sounding. It will
>>include my version of
>>'Peaches' [Frank Zappa's song 'Peaches en Regalia].
>>It's going to be a weird
>>combination of things. I went from someone who had
>>zero computer knowledge
>>whatsoever to working on computers eighteen hours a
>>day."
>>
>>Immediately after the release of his solo album,
>>Dweezil will go into
>>rehearsals with his brother Ahmet and a handpicked
>>band. The brothers Zappa
>>will be touring the world with a project called "Zappa
>>Plays Zappa."
>>
>>"We have a really big plan for this year, something
>>that we've never done
>>before." Dweezil says. "We're going to put a band
>>together and play only
>>Frank's music. We're going to start in Europe then
>>come back to the states
>>and then go to Japan. We're going to start in October,
>>so we're going to
>>rehearse the band for three months in order to learn
>>close to fifty songs,
>>including a lot of the very difficult instrumentals.
>>I'm learning a lot of
>>stuff on guitar that was never meant to be played on
>>guitar. For me, it will
>>be like training for the Guitar Olympics. We are going
>>to create a core band
>>of people that haven't played with Frank, and then we
>>will have some special
>>guests and Ahmet is going to sing. We want to have our
>>own thing that we do
>>that is free from interpretations of other people's
>>expectations.
>>
>>"We are going to change the instrumental arrangements.
>>The melodies will be
>>seen and heard in a different way," he continues. "The
>>melodies may be more
>>powerful because they are being played on a louder,
>>more distorted
>>instrument-- guitar instead of keyboard or a marimba.
>>I think [because] my
>>brother and I are related, we have an innate sense of
>>what Frank was going
>>for humor-wise. Those are some of the elements that
>>we'll be able to bring a
>>new and fun interpretation of. The show itself is
>>going to have video
>>footage, and a documentary about Frank will be shown
>>before the show.
>>
>>
>>
>>Discover Yahoo!
>>Use Yahoo! to plan a weekend, have fun online and more. Check it out!
>>http://discover.yahoo.com/
>>
>>
>
>
>Awesome!
>
>
>
>
>________________________________________________________________________
>________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Zappa Plays Zappa Tour

This tour could be very cool.

Dweezil's comments about computers are interesting. Could he have
inherited his father's (apparently - I'm no doctor)
obsessive-compusive personality?
________________________________________________________________________

Date: Sat, 14 May 2005 20:36:24 -0000
From: "feickerr" <feickerr@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Zappa Plays Zappa tour

--- In DweezilZappa@yahoogroups.com, Antal Adriaanse
<spiegelbeeld@y...> wrote:
> from alt.fan.frank-zappa:
> This From Universal Audio webzine May 2005:
>
> "In addition to all the audio restoration he's been
> doing, Dweezil has been
> recording a new solo album titled, Go With What You
> Know, which is coming
> out in May 2005.
>
> "I haven't really decided what direction to take this
> new solo record that'
> I'm working on," he says. "I have some stuff that's a
> little more old-school
> and some stuff that's more modern-sounding. It will
> include my version of
> 'Peaches' [Frank Zappa's song 'Peaches en Regalia].
> It's going to be a weird
> combination of things. I went from someone who had
> zero computer knowledge
> whatsoever to working on computers eighteen hours a
> day."
>
> Immediately after the release of his solo album,
> Dweezil will go into
> rehearsals with his brother Ahmet and a handpicked
> band. The brothers Zappa
> will be touring the world with a project called "Zappa
> Plays Zappa."
>
> "We have a really big plan for this year, something
> that we've never done
> before." Dweezil says. "We're going to put a band
> together and play only
> Frank's music. We're going to start in Europe then
> come back to the states
> and then go to Japan. We're going to start in October,
> so we're going to
> rehearse the band for three months in order to learn
> close to fifty songs,
> including a lot of the very difficult instrumentals.
> I'm learning a lot of
> stuff on guitar that was never meant to be played on
> guitar. For me, it will
> be like training for the Guitar Olympics. We are going
> to create a core band
> of people that haven't played with Frank, and then we
> will have some special
> guests and Ahmet is going to sing. We want to have our
> own thing that we do
> that is free from interpretations of other people's
> expectations.
>
> "We are going to change the instrumental arrangements.
> The melodies will be
> seen and heard in a different way," he continues. "The
> melodies may be more
> powerful because they are being played on a louder,
> more distorted
> instrument-- guitar instead of keyboard or a marimba.
> I think [because] my
> brother and I are related, we have an innate sense of
> what Frank was going
> for humor-wise. Those are some of the elements that
> we'll be able to bring a
> new and fun interpretation of. The show itself is
> going to have video
> footage, and a documentary about Frank will be shown
> before the show.
>
>
>
> Discover Yahoo!
> Use Yahoo! to plan a weekend, have fun online and more. Check it out!
> http://discover.yahoo.com/

Awesome!

________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

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Friday, May 27, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Imperial Stormtroopers RIP

Wars are always about our freedom, aren't they? Since WW2 the US has not
made war to defend itself once.For that one minute at 3:00, will US
torture worldwide stop for one minute? Will Homeland Security stop for
one minute reminding people that they better be careful what they say?
Will there be a 60-second hiatus in the persecution of victimless crimes
like recreational drug use and prostitution? Will the corporate state
turn over control to the populace for one minute? Any bets?
sugarzareh

State News Release

*Washington State Department of Veterans Affairs <http://www.dva.wa.gov/>*

Date: May 25, 2005
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: John King, Director, (360) 725-2153
Heidi Audette, Public Relations & Legislative Manager, (360) 725-2154

*Memorial Day National Moment of Remembrance*
/Citizens asked to pause at 3:00 p.m. to reflect on freedom /

*OLYMPIA --* On Monday,May 30, 2005, at 3 p.m., Americans across the
country will join President Bush in taking a moment to remember and
honor those men and women who died in service to our country.

Washington State citizens are asked to participate in this act of
national unity, designed to encourage people to reflect for one minute
on those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

"/The National Moment of Remembrance is an act of American unity to
honor our heroes, make the day relevant to our younger generations, and
demonstrate gratitude and respect. It is a moment that everyone can
spare/," said John King, director of the Washington State Department of
Veterans Affairs.

The White House Commission on the National Moment of Remembrance was
established by an act of Congress, to put the "memorial" back in
Memorial Day and to reclaim its original purpose of honoring America's
fallen heroes.

The time was chosen because mid-afternoon is when many Americans are
enjoying the freedoms ensured by those who fought to preserve them. The
one-minute pause in activities at 3 p.m. local time is not intended to
replace Memorial Day ceremonies, but to highlight the purpose of
Memorial Day and to reflect on the sacrifice of those who died for our
freedom.

President Abraham Lincoln summed up the importance of remembering all
fallen heroes when he said, "The mystic chords of memory, stretching
from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart...should
swell into a mighty chorus of remembrance, gratitude and rededication on
this solemn occasion."

For more information on Memorial Day activities in Washington State go
to http://www.dva.wa.gov <http://www.dva.wa.gov/>. For information on
the White House Commission on the National Moment of Remembrance, go to
http://www.remember.gov/.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] More Twisted Justification for the Drug War

If meth were legal, this problem would not exist.

State News Release

*Washington State Department of Ecology <http://www.ecy.wa.gov>*

Date: May 25, 2005
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Mary-Ellen Voss, Public Information Officer, (360) 407-7211

*The dark side of camping: Meth-lab dumpsites*

*OLYMPIA* -- Somewhere between Spokane and Grays Harbor counties, hidden
under a tarp or strung out across a campsite, are the remains of a
methamphetamine drug lab.

Meth cooks often dump waste at local, state, national parks and
campgrounds because getting rid of meth-lab waste, in most cases,
separates the cooks from criminal evidence that could land them in jail.

"Their attitude is, why dump it at home and possibly get caught with the
waste if you can simply walk away from the mess," said David Byers, who
supervises spill and hazardous-materials response for the Department of
Ecology.

Byers said that unsuspecting families who are trying to get away and
enjoy nature are the ones at risk.

Campers, hikers, picnickers, fishermen and others should be on the
lookout for suspicious products left over from meth labs. These include
propane tanks or other pressurized cylinders, strong ammonia odors,
starter-fluid spray cans, shredded lithium batteries, Red Devil Lye
(drain cleaner), muriatic or hydrochloric acid, empty cold-medicine
packages or containers, plastic tubing, glass jars, funnels, coffee
filters, hypodermic needles and containers of acetone, toluene and
Coleman Fuel.

The used propane tanks are often corroded and have jury-rigged valves
and tubing that can fail, spraying ammonia or hydrogen-chloride gas that
attacks eyes and lungs. Ecology responders have found fire
extinguishers, scuba tanks, soda dispensers and all sizes of pressurized
cylinders used in producing meth.

"Meth cooks are doing whatever it takes to avoid getting caught,
including moving into rural areas where they're not detected as easily,"
said Byers.

More than 400 drug labs and dump sites have been reported already this
year, and the discovery rate tends to increase in the spring and summer
months.

People may inadvertently stumble across active or abandon meth labs
while out enjoying the warmer weather.

Meth waste is toxic to people and the environment, and some meth waste
can be flammable, which could present another problem for parks and
forests if there is another dry summer.

Anyone who comes across an active or deserted meth-lab site should leave
the area immediately and contact the local police or sheriff's
department, said Byers.

*Related Topics*

* Emergency Information <HTTP://access.wa.gov/emergency/index.aspx>
* Previous Agency News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/news/PreviousMonths.aspx>
* How to Submit a News Release
<HTTP://access.wa.gov/siteinfo/resources/submitnews.aspx>
* Current Legislative News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/leg/LegNews.aspx>
* Radio, Television and Newspapers
<http://www.statechamp.com/cgi-bin/start.pl?State=Washington>
* Subscribe to the Access Washington News List
<http://listserv.wa.gov/archives/access-washington-news.html>
* Join an Email List (Listserv)
<http://listserv.wa.gov/archives/welcome.html>
* Current Agency News <HTTP://access.wa.gov/news/MoreStateNews.aspx>


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Re: [CanYoAssDigIt] Perfect Band Name

For some reason, even after machine translation, her writing still comes
off as lyrical. I hope you weren't serious about the name making perfect
sense in context, though.
sugarzareh

Matt Love wrote:

>Lulina, in collaboration with the Google language translation tool,
>has come up with the perfect band name: Avenged Mattress
>
>This name may be a little unusual, but in context it makes perfect sense:
>
>20050525
>GrazaDeus tomorrow is holiday.
>
>To sleep. La la la. To sleep. To eat gostosa food in the front of the TV.
>To read To read until cochilar in the sofa. Holiday is the best thing
>of the calendar.
>Brebotear. To take cervejinha in the bar. Now of the side of mine
>casinha has one botequinho with two small tables.
>Cineminha. Blanket. Violão. Stockings in the soil. Avenged mattress.
>Wine. Pasta.
>Holiday is so good.
>I do not go pra Varginha, I only want mine camiiinhaaa.
>To be in house eating bread with cheese and guaraná.
>My hair seems a kneaded pillow.
>My olheiras seem of are bernardine.
>Holiday is so good.
>Holiday is so boooooom.
>
>
>(I imagined myself in a pyjamas musical comedy, floating for city:: now)
>
>posted by Lulins @ 10:05
>Comments (5)
>20050524
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Perfect Band Name

Lulina, in collaboration with the Google language translation tool,
has come up with the perfect band name: Avenged Mattress

This name may be a little unusual, but in context it makes perfect sense:

20050525
GrazaDeus tomorrow is holiday.

To sleep. La la la. To sleep. To eat gostosa food in the front of the TV.
To read To read until cochilar in the sofa. Holiday is the best thing
of the calendar.
Brebotear. To take cervejinha in the bar. Now of the side of mine
casinha has one botequinho with two small tables.
Cineminha. Blanket. Violão. Stockings in the soil. Avenged mattress.
Wine. Pasta.
Holiday is so good.
I do not go pra Varginha, I only want mine camiiinhaaa.
To be in house eating bread with cheese and guaraná.
My hair seems a kneaded pillow.
My olheiras seem of are bernardine.
Holiday is so good.
Holiday is so boooooom.

(I imagined myself in a pyjamas musical comedy, floating for city:: now)

posted by Lulins @ 10:05
Comments (5)
20050524


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Star Motherfucking Wars

Has anybody besides me noticed that nearly all Star Wars aficionados,
who adore the rebel heroes, would undoubtedly, if the SW scenario were
real, be sentimentally proud supporters of The Empire?
-sugarzareh


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Thursday, May 26, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Urgent: Expert says RED BULL MUSIC ACADEMY application funny

I hope you all have gone to
http://home.earthlink.net/~mattlove1/ApplicationForm.htm
and viewed my application to RED BULL MUSIC ACADEMY.

Sugarzareh wrote: "That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!"

Remember Sugarzareh has never, ever steered you wrong. Never.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Q: How Many Jandeks does it take to untangle a guitar cord?

A: Just one, but it will take a long, long time. And it will be art.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Darin Mitchell <susseddm@hotmail.com>
Date: May 26, 2005 12:30 PM
Subject: [Jandek] Esse Percipi: Jandek at Gateshead, 22 May 2005
To: jandek@mylist.net

"In art, all who have done something other than their predecessors have
merited the epithet of revolutionary; and it is they alone who are masters."

He was not introduced. Jandek walked quietly on stage appearing tall, pale,
gaunt and dressed in dark attire. His silence was deafening. He moved slowly
and confidently throughout the night. He appeared to be in complete control
of his body. A friend remarked that his actions were very "calm and smooth,
almost fluid." Two young men also dressed in dark clothes accompanied him,
although I had the distinct impression that they did not regularly dress in
that manner. While he unzipped his guitar the other two men moved into
position. They barely moved. I remember thinking that the drummer actually
looked scared. Both of them looked like two young boys getting ready for
their first confession with a priest.

The three men were given a warm reception. Jandek did not turn around until
the clapping stopped. When it finally did, silence again swept the room.
Jandek pulled his guitar strap around his body, turned around and move
towards the front of the stage.

My two friends and I came a very long way to see this show. We sat to the
left of the stage in the first row that went out vertically from the stage.
My best friend sat in the second seat beside a Japanese woman who listened
to the first few songs with her eyes closed. A man that sat in the front
horizontal row, in the last seat on the left, took notes quickly. I think he
was writing down the lyrics. Another man, who sat in the middle of the first
row, nodded his head up and down to Jandek's music. But I could not perceive
a beat or steady rhythm in which to do so. Perhaps he heard what I could not
hear. A woman dressed nicely in black took pictures from the first row.

We arrived at the show at 4:45pm. Jandek was supposed to take the stage at
5:30pm. I asked the doorman at 5:05pm when the doors would be open. "When we
get confirmation from inside," he said. Shortly after we entered and took
our seats a man and a woman walked on stage. The man told us that he wasn't
going to say anything about the artists performing. He said their music
would speak for them. He also remarked that he could see the anticipation in
the faces of the audience. The woman asked us to respect the artists wishes
about not taking any pictures, video or recording. The only time I noticed
anyone doing otherwise was when Jandek finished his set and walked towards
the back of the stage. A woman took a couple of pictures.

No words were spoken between the musicians or between the musician and the
audience. The first song had about a 2-minute instrumental before Jandek
sang any words. My memory recalls him beginning, "Depression, I've come to
bring you depression. Depression, there's no way out." Indeed, if this was
what he said, then I thought it was rather humorous. The bass player and the
drummer were both excellent musicians. I thought the drummer might have had
a jazz background.

Jandek was always very controlled. He gently swayed as he played. He
appeared to only communicate with the bass player. He gave slight nods.

Before the first song, Jandek tried to untangle his guitar cord. It seemed
to take longer than usual to unravel a guitar cord. Jandek took his time,
and he never once shook the cord. He calmly tried to untangle it. I recall
looking over at my friend and he just grinned. It seemed almost absurd at
the time. There were 300 people, best guess, transfixed on a man trying to
untie a guitar cord.

After the first song Jandek handed his guitar to a man off the stage. Jandek
then stood in front of the music stand and appeared to read over some notes.
At this point I had no idea what he was doing. He quietly fiddled with his
fingers. He looked over at the bass player and gave him a half smile.
Similar to untying the guitar cord, the audience was transfixed. My thoughts
floated. Anything could happen here. Spoken word poetry? Tell a story? I
even thought he was finally going to say, "Hi, my name is Jandek and I just
wanted to say…." But probably not. Eventually, the man from the side gave
Jandek his guitar back and I felt sort of silly wondering what he was doing
when he was simply waiting for his guitar to be tuned. My friend told me
later that he could hear the guitar being tuned at the side of the stage.

As the show progressed Jandek became more spirited. He howled into the
microphone. He moaned. He spoke of death and murder. He sang a song about
sitting on a barstool and about his appearance that I thought was funny. His
lyrics kept falling to the floor. The first time this happened he picked
them up as the song continued. This happened a few times. His hands never
shook due to nerves as the picked up the papers. At one point he read the
lyrics off the floor.

The first guitar chord I saw him play during the first song was a bar chord
played with his thumb which he did by putting it over the top of the neck.
Richie Havens was the first person I saw do this when I was a kid.

Jandek played 12 songs and it felt like it was over an hour long.

When the show was over we walked out the doors. I heard a few people remark,
"that was crazy," and "just insane." I was just happy to be outside.

Personally, I thought it was the most painful performance I have ever heard
in my life. I was relieved when it was over. I wondered if this was exactly
what the artist wanted us to feel ("I've come to bring you depression").
When we left the venue one of my friends turned to me and said, "M., I know
you are a big fan of Jandek but I have to say that I f-u-c-k-i-n-g hated
that; I fucking hated every second of it. And I can't go back to see anyone
else perform" My other friend said, "There were moments when there really
was something unique going on. It was kinda cool. It was hard to listen to,
but there was something there. I liked the lyrics. He can turn a good line."

We went to England for an adventure. I have listened to Jandek for a very
long time. My purpose for the trip was to see him perform, which of course I
did, and it was worthwhile. My two friends do not listen to Jandek, although
they have heard of him, and both of them thought the trip was worthwhile.

After a bite to eat I returned to the venue and saw Shuji Inaba perform. I
thought the first song he performed was idiotic. But I am so happy I stayed
for the entire performance. After the first song I can say that Inaba
greatly impressed me. He is a talented guitar player, inspiring and, aside
from that bizarre first song, wonderful to experience.

M.

_______________________________________________
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jandek@mylist.net
http://mylist.net/listinfo/jandek


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Schorr commentary on Newsweek

I believe it was Kevin Klose who was trumpeting the news that NPR was
the "most trusted source" of news, beating out former industry leader,
CBS. One reason he gave for this was the presence at NPR of Daniel
Schorr (and other network news retreads).

Did any of you catch the tired old name-dropping cold warrior's
commentary about the Newsweek Koran story? It was pathetic the way he
chided Newsweek, ignoring the overwhelming evidence for Koran
desecration, and of course, torture of detainees in US sponsored or
partnered camps all over the world.

It was a pathetic rear guard action, of course - some actual news
seeped into NPRs coverage of the event a few days later. But just as a
thought exercise, I'm attaching coverage of the story that I got from
other sources the same time that Schorr was spouting his nonsense. You
can certainly trust NPR - to resolutely stay to the middle and right
on issues, to please the administration, to go to official sources
(with proven track records of lying) etc etc. I wish that they would
start really covering the news again - sure, they wouldn't be as
trusted (by people that prefer fantasy) but they would be fulfilling
(what should be) their journalistic mission.

COWARDICE IN JOURNALISM AWARD FOR NEWSWEEK
Goebbels Award for Condi
by Greg Palast

"It's appalling that this story got out there," Secretary of State
Condoleezza Rice said on her way back from Iraq.

What's NOT appalling to Condi is that the US is holding prisoners at
Guantanamo under conditions termed "torture" by the Red Cross. What's
not appalling to Condi is that prisoners of the Afghan war are held in
violation of international law after that conflict has supposedly
ended. What is NOT appalling to Condi is that prisoner witnesses have
reported several instances of the Koran's desecration.

What is appalling to her is that these things were REPORTED. So to
Condi goes to the Joseph Goebbels Ministry of Propaganda Iron Cross.

But I don't want to leave out our President. His aides report that
George Bush is "angry" about the report -- not the desecration of the
Koran, but the REPORTING of it.

And so long as George is angry and Condi appalled, Newsweek knows what
to do: swiftly grab its corporate ankles and ask the White House for
mercy.

But there was no mercy. Donald Rumsfeld pointed the finger at
Newsweek and said, "People lost their lives. People are dead." Maybe
Rumsfeld was upset that Newsweek was taking away his job. After all,
it's hard to beat Rummy when it comes to making people dead.

And just for the record: Newsweek, unlike Rumsfeld, did not kill
anyone -- nor did its report cause killings. Afghans protested when
they heard the Koran desecration story (as Christians have protested
crucifix desecrations). The Muslim demonstrators were gunned down by
the Afghan military police -- who operate under Rumsfeld's command.

Our Secretary of Defense, in his darkest Big Brother voice, added a
warning for journalists and citizens alike, "People need to be very
careful about what they say."

And Newsweek has now promised to be very, very good, and very, very
careful not to offend Rumsfeld, appall Condi or anger George.

For their good behavior, I'm giving Newsweek and its owner, the
Washington Post, this week's Yellow Streak Award for Craven Cowardice
in Journalism.

As always, the competition is fierce, but Newsweek takes the honors by
backing down on Mike Isakoff's expose of cruelity, racism and just
plain bone-headed incompetence by the US military at the Guantanamo
prison camp.

Isakoff cited a reliable source that among the neat little
"interrogation" techniques used to break down Muslim prisoners was
putting a copy of the Koran into a toilet.

In the old days, Isakoff's discovery would have led to Congressional
investigations of the perpetrators of such official offence. The
Koran-flushers would have been flushed from the military, panels would
have been impaneled and Isakoff would have collected his Pulitzer.

No more. Instead of nailing the wrong-doers, the Bush Administration
went after the guy who REPORTED the crime, Isakoff.

Was there a problem with the story? Certainly. If you want to split
hairs, the inside-government source of the Koran desecration story now
says he can't confirm which military report it appeared in. But he
saw it in one report and a witnesses has confirmed that the Koran was
defiled.

Of course, there's an easy way to get at the truth. RELEASE THE
REPORTS NOW. Hand them over, Mr. Rumsfeld, and let's see for
ourselves what's in them.

But Newsweek and the Post are too polite to ask Rumsfeld to make the
investigative reports public. Rather, the corporate babysitter for
Newsweek, editor Mark Whitaker, said, "Top administration officials
have promised to continue looking into the charges and so will we."
In other words, we'll take the Bush Administration's word that there
is no evidence of Koran-dunking in the draft reports on Guantanamo.

It used to be that the Washington Post permitted journalism in its
newsrooms. No more. But, frankly, that's an old story.

Every time I say investigative reporting is dead or barely breathing
in the USA, some little smartass will challenge me, "What about
Watergate? Huh?" Hey, buddy, the Watergate investigation was 32
years ago -- that means it's been nearly a third of a century since
the Washington Post has printed a big investigative scoop.

The Post today would never run the Watergate story: a hidden source
versus official denial. Let's face it, Bob Woodward, now managing
editor at the Post, has gone from "All the President's Men" to
becoming the President's Man -- "Bush at War." Ugh!

And now the Post company is considering further restrictions on the
use of confidential sources -- no more "Deep Throats."

Despite its supposed new concern for hidden sources, let's note that
Newsweek and the Post have no trouble providing, even in the midst of
this story, cover for secret Administration sources that are FAVORABLE
to Bush. Editor Whitaker's retraction relies on "Administration
officials" whose names he kindly withholds.

In other words, unnamed sources are OK if they defend Bush,
unacceptable if they expose the Administration's mendacity or evil.

A lot of my readers don't like the Koran-story reporter Mike Isakoff
because of his goofy fixation with Monica Lewinsky and Mr. Clinton's
cigar. Have some sympathy for Isakoff: Mike's one darn good
reporter, but as an inmate at the Post/Newsweek facilities, his
ability to send out serious communications to the rest of the world
are limited.

A few years ago, while I was tracking the influence of the power
industry on Washington, Isakoff gave me some hard, hot stuff on Bill
Clinton -- not the cheap intern-under-the-desk gossip -- but an FBI
report for me to publish in The Guardian of Britain.

I asked Isakoff why he didn't put it in Newsweek or in the Post.

He said, when it comes to issues of substance, "No one gives a sh--,"
not the readers, and especially not the editors who assume that their
US target audience is small-minded, ignorant and wants to stay that
way.

That doesn't leave a lot of time, money or courage for real reporting.
And woe to those who practice investigative journalism. As with
CBS's retraction of Dan Rather's report on Bush's draft-dodging,
Newsweek's diving to the mat on Guantanamo acts as a warning to all
journalists who step out of line.

Newsweek has now publicly committed to having its reports vetted by
Rumsfeld's Defense Department before publication. Why not just print
Rumsfeld's press releases and eliminate the middleman, the reporter?

However, not all of us poor scribblers will adhere to this New News
Order. In the meantime, however, for my future security and comfort,
I'm having myself measured for a custom-made orange suit.

********
Greg Palast was awarded the 2005 George Orwell Prize for Courage in
Journalism at the Sundance Film Festival for his investigative reports
produced by the British Broadcasting Corporation. See those reports
for BBC, Harper's, The Nation and others at www.GregPalast.com

****

FAIR-L
Fairness & Accuracy In Reporting
Media analysis, critiques and activism

http://www.fair.org/index.php?page=2519

May 19, 2005

ACTION ALERT:
Newsweek, the Quran and the "Green Mushroom"
Following the real rules of modern journalism

Newsweek ran a sensational claim based on an anonymous source who
turned out to be completely wrong. While one can't blame the
subsequent violence entirely on this report, it's fair to say that
credulous reporting like this contributed to a climate in which many
innocent Muslims died.

The inaccurate Newsweek report appeared in the magazine's March 17,
2003 issue, on the eve of the invasion of Iraq. It read in part:

"Saddam could decide to take Baghdad with him. One Arab intelligence
officer interviewed by Newsweek spoke of 'the green mushroom' over
Baghdad--the modern-day caliph bidding a grotesque bio-chem farewell
to the land of the living alongside thousands of his subjects as well
as his enemies. Saddam wants to be remembered. He has the means and
the demonic imagination. It is up to U.S. armed forces to stop him
before he can achieve notoriety for all time."

Unlike a more recent Newsweek item (5/9/05), involving accusations
that Guantanamo interrogators flushed a copy of the Quran down a
toilet, Newsweek has yet to retract the bogus report about the "green
mushroom" threat. The magazine's Quran charge has been linked to
rioting in Afghanistan and elsewhere that has left at least 16 dead;
alarmist coverage like Newsweek's about Saddam Hussein's nonexistent
weapons of mass destruction paved the way for an invasion that has
caused, according to the best epidemiological research available
(Lancet, 11/20/04), an estimated 100,000 deaths.

Newsweek was right to retract the Quran story--mainly because the
magazine claimed to have "sources" for the information, when
Newsweek's subsequent descriptions of how it acquired the story
mention only a single source. But it's far from clear that Newsweek's
source was inaccurate in saying that U.S. investigators had uncovered
abuse of a Quran in the course of a recent investigation; similar
allegations have repeatedly been made by former Guantanamo prisoners
(Washington Post, 3/26/03; London Guardian, 12/3/03; Daily Mirror,
3/12/04; Center for Constitutional Rights, 8/4/04; La Gazette du
Maroc, 4/12/05; New York Times, 5/1/05; BBC, 5/2/05; cites compiled by
Antiwar.com, 5/16/05).

Denials by the U.S. military that such incidents have occurred mean
little; when any government holds prisoners in violation of
international law, and denies them access to independent counsel or
human rights groups, assertions by that government about how the
prisoners are being treated can be given little weight. Eric Saar, a
former U.S. Army sergeant who served as a translator at Guantanamo,
has accused the Pentagon of engaging in organized efforts there to
deceive outsiders: Citing a new book by Saar, the Washington Post
reported (4/29/05) that "the U.S. military staged the interrogations
of terrorism suspects for members of Congress and other officials
visiting the military prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to make it
appear the government was obtaining valuable intelligence."

It's certainly not the case that the Pentagon has been so attentive to
Muslim sensitivities that such treatment of a Quran would be
unthinkable. The Pentagon's deputy undersecretary for intelligence is
Lt. Gen. William Boykin, who is notorious for suggesting that Allah
was "an idol" and saying that the United States' enemies were led by
"Satan," and would "only be defeated if we come against them in the
name of Jesus." It was Boykin who reportedly ordered the coercive
interrogation methods used at Guantanamo to be used at Iraq's Abu
Ghraib as well (London Guardian, 5/20/04).

It has been repeatedly said--including by Newsweek itself, in its
initial apology (5/23/05)--that the magazine's source erred in saying
that the Quran incident was contained in a report for the Pentagon's
Southern Command. In fact, the original report said that the incident
was "expected" to be in the report--an expectation that could have
easily been altered by the fact that the explosive allegation became
public.

Newsweek's retraction of the Quran story, contrasted with the lack of
any correction of its "green mushroom" claim and other similarly
erroneous WMD coverage, is quite illustrative of the actual
rules--quite different from the ostensible rules that are taught in
journalism school--that govern contemporary journalism:

* Anonymous sources are fine, as long as they are promoting rather
than challenging official government policy.

* It's all right for your reporting to be completely wrong, as long as
your errors are in the service of power.

* The human cost of bad reporting need only be counted when people who
matter are doing the counting.

ACTION: Please contact Newsweek editors and ask them to review the
magazine's WMD coverage, and urge them to hold it to the same
standards they applied to the Quran story.

CONTACT:
Newsweek
Phone: 212-445-4000
mailto:letters@newsweek.com

As always, please remember that your comments have more impact if you
maintain a polite tone.
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[CanYoAssDigIt] Compromise, or capitulation?

My laptop went belly up last night (I'm currently in the library at
the University of Alberta, logged n as a guest) so I've not been able
to hear that program people were discussing.

The last thing I heard on NPR to date was a positive assessment of the
compromise over the filibuster. After the usual cheerleading for
bipartisanship, they interviewed one expert, and one alone - John
McCain, who sports a completely undeserved reputation as a moderate,
reasonable person. I waited in vain for them to interview somebody
who represented the people's interests (that's you and me folks, not
millionaires and party apparatchiks).

The commentary at the end of this post is from the counterpunch.org
sums things up nicely (ie. this guy is saying what I've been saying
ever since the compromise was announced). If the Dems fell on their
swords, it would give people something to really around (people say
"remember the Alamo" and "remember Masada" - "remember Neville
Chamberlain!" doesn't exactly stir people's blood in the same way).
Now, I certainly don't listen to NPR 24/7 - perhaps on some other
program, they gave voice to other (accurate) opinions about what this
is really all about. I'd like to hear about it if they did. but the
fact is, they did most the damage upfront on morning edition - as Mark
Twain said "A lie can make it half way around the world before the
truth has time to put its boots on."

There was one interesting thing about McCain's comments - he was
positively filled with malice when they said that Democrats seemed
happier than Republicans with the outcome. He gloated that they were
just putting up a front, that they got next to nothing out of the
deal, the republicans really had their way.

How will the Dems respond to this blatant taunting? I expect they will
do what they always do (nothing).

Brain Dead Democrats
The Curse of Bi-partisanship
By DAVE LINDORFF

When a wolf and a fox agree on a modus vivendi, the rabbits and
woodchucks had better be on their guard.

The same is true about the March 23 agreement reached by 14 "moderate"
Democratic and Republican Senators which undermined the looming
confrontation between Senate Democrats and Republicans over the issue
of judicial appointments and the filibuster.

Anytime you have someone like Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-CT), a
cheerleader for the War on Iraq, a stalwart backer of the worst
Zionist excesses of the Israeli state, and a man who even endorsed
former Attorney General John Ashcroft's horrific Operation TIPS
citizen spy scheme, lining up with Lindsey Graham (R-SC), a guy who
headed up the House impeachment campaign against President Bill
Clinton, a staunch conservative in moderate clothing (like his
over-rated colleague John McCain) who opposes abortion rights and
boasts a 5% rating from the League of Conservation Voters,
progressives need to worry.

And what's with this fear of political polarization anyhow? It's
really nothing but a media creation.

Newspaper editors and pundits love to talk about the need for
"bi-partisanship" and cooperation as though such comity were an
unambiguous public good. Yet it is precisely such bipartisanship that
brought us the war in Iraq, the Patriot Act, the North American Free
Trade Act, welfare cutbacks, the Anti Terrorism and Effective Death
Penalty Act and the new anti-bankruptcy law, and which threaten to
bring us a mortally weakened Social Security "reform," and who knows?
Maybe a war on Iran or Syria.

Sure, if the Democrats took a hard-line confrontational approach to
the dominant Republicans in House and Senate they'd lose on a lot of
things, including the appointment of judges with right-wing agendas.
But by standing for principle, Democrats would be paving the way for
serious election campaigns on important issues in 2006 and 2008.
They'd be rallying the electorate to fight back against the
Republican-led campaign to drag the country backwards to the 19th
century in economic, environmental and social policy.

Instead, people like Lieberman and Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) are paving
the way for further electoral defeats for Democrats in the coming
election cycles.

By lining up with Republicans on compromises that end up selling out
principle (the filibuster agreement will result in the approval, with
Democratic acquiescence, of several truly dreadful new appellate
judges), Democrats confuse and demoralize their potential electoral
base.

By demonstrating that Democrats are no better than Republicans-indeed
no different from Republicans-they turn elections into nothing but
issueless personal popularity contests, in which most citizens have
little or no interest. In fact, their bipartisanship may actually be
helping Republicans, because at least those so-called "moderate"
Republicans like Lincoln Chafee (R-RI) or Olympia Snowe (R-ME) or John
McCain (R-AZ) are showing the spine to buck their President and party
leadership in reaching agreement with so-called moderate Democrats.

All the so-called moderate Democrats are showing is political
cowardice and lack of principle.

The idea that this kind of Democratic sell-out would be happening when
the president is being viewed by a majority of the public as inept,
untrustworthy, stupid and politically out of touch, is both
astonishing and depressing.

As one Republican operative told the New York Times, the only reason
the opposition isn't having a field day these days in Congress is
because "the Democratic Party is brain dead."

Bipartisanship: a morphine drip for the terminally politically doomed.

Dave Lindorff is the author of Killing Time: an Investigation into the
Death Row Case of Mumia Abu-Jamal. His new book of CounterPunch
columns titled "This Can't be Happening!" is published by Common
Courage Press. Information about both books and other work by Lindorff
can be found at www.thiscantbehappening.net.

He can be reached at: dlindorff@yahoo.com


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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Oh, You Men

A co-worker told me this story today about a friend of hers (Not a
friend OF a friend; this story in and of itself is not a good enough
tale to be an urban legend.). She did so because she wanted to get "a
man's perspective" to better understand why the man in the story acted
as he did.

The friend (let's call her Jane) typed up an anonymous note and put it
on the desk of the man (John, let's say). John is the second in command
at the organization where they both work. Jane works much lower in the
hierarchy. (I don't mean "lower" to mean in any way inferior, I'm just
talking about the brute pecking order of all human organizations). The
note commended John for his qualities of confidence, personal integrity,
and some other similar banality I can't remember.

John figured out who left the note and thanked Jane. Jane asked John for
a framed photo of John. He gave her one. Two days later, Jane decided
she didn't want it. So, when John was away from the office for a few
days, Jane slipped into his office (this was described to me as entirely
proper, because the door was not locked), put the framed photo on John's
chair with no kind of explanation, slid his chair back under his desk,
and left.

A few days after John returned to the office. Jane saw him coming down
the hall and immediately detoured to avoid contact with him. Later, Jane
was in the lunchroom and John caught her unawares. He "lunged" at her.
(The ensuing conversation, as it was related to me, sounded strangely
civil after a "lunge") John asked Jane why she returned the photo. (My
co-worker's analysis of why he asked this question is that he must have
been "all hurt" because of his "frail male ego.") Jane told him that
"the frame doesn't go with my decor." John asked if she would like to
have the photo back in a different frame. Jane said yes. (My co-worker
tells me that the real reason is that Jane could not take the photo
home, because it would upset her husband. But Jane wants to keep the
fact that she is married hidden from John at all costs.)

So, John gave Jane the photo in a new frame. The really disturbing (to
my co-worker) part is that he placed his business card over a corner of
the photo, under the glass. Why did he do that? My co-worker opines that
maybe the point was to give Jane his cell phone number.

My co-worker primarily wanted to know about John's last action, thinking
that I would understand because I belong to the same gender. But she
also wondered about John's crazy behavior overall. Could I help her to
understand it? Being as how this co-worker has quasi-authority over me,
and I am at the very bottom of my organization's pecking order, I told
her that I could shed no light.

But, man, we men sure do some crazy shit sometimes. I hope some feminist
organization or another comes to Jane's rescue.


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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Application to Red Bull Music Academy in Seattle


Red Bull Music Academy Logo
 
 
 

RED BULL MUSIC ACADEMY
SEATTLE 2005

Application Form


 

Last Name:
 
Love

First Name

Matt

Artist Name:
 
Joe Swordfish, Mr Roboto, Song Poet, Knucklehead

Address:
 
11015 Eckenstam Johnson Rd

City:
 
Anderson Island

State:
 WA

Zip:
 
98303

Country Of Residence:
 
USA

Date of Birth:
 
9/10/56

Phone:
 
253-884-9279

Mobile Phone:
 

Fax:
 

E-mail / Website:
 
matt.mattlove1@gmail.com - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/7/mrroboto.htm

Agent:
 
self-represented

Which of the two workshop dates are you available for?
 
  November 6 - November 18, 2005 - available
  November 27 - December 9, 2005 - available
 
1) Have you applied for the Red Bull Music Academy before? If so, when & how often?
no

2) "This is where I am in relation to the musical universe" - please draw us a map! (no worries, we're not looking for the next Michelangelo...)

 

3) How do you explain to your grandparents what it is that you do and what motivates you?
I go down to Madame Rue. You know, that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth. She contacts them for me, but they aren't real interested in what I have to say. They tell me things like "It's beautiful here on the other side. We're catching up with all our old friends, and we've met some new ones. We be hanging with Tupac lately. He's very nice and polite. A very snappy dresser, too. However, he's four cans short of a six pac."


4) How would you explain it to us?

With sign language, and origami.


5) What inspired you to be involved in music, whether as a DJ, musician or whatever else? When did that moment of inspiration strike?

I was always surrounded by music. It was just there, attacking me. Inspiration struck in the form of my father's open hand against the side of my head. "Get back to your piano lessons, or I'll smack you again," he roared between whiskey shots. It was at that point that I realized it was a life of music for me.

6) What do you expect your average day at the Red Bull Music Academy to be like?
Up at 4:00 am, for a 6 mile run with a full pack. Then a half hour of Tai Chi, followed by a half-hour of silent meditation. A breakfast of brown rice. After breakfast, one-on-one ritual combat with some of the foremost hiphop artists of our era. Verbal abuse and body blows will be exchanged in attempts to develop our disses. Midmorning composition lessons with Karlheinz Stockhausen. Lunch will be hotdogs and beer. Early afternoon we will have recording and firearms lessons with Phil Spector. Late afternoon will be spent visiting the graves of famous Seattle musicians such as Ray Charles, Kurt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix. Dinner will consist of ground glass and DDT. Evenings will be spent studying light saber techniques with a Jedi Knight, and drinking and whoring with Eddie Van Halen.

7) And what do you reckon you'll get out of the experience personally?
A broken nose.

8) Which person did you always want to play your music to? And, of course, why?
I always wanted to play my music to my mother, so that she would know that I am not a total loser but in fact I have made something of myself by applying myself to pursuing my craft. However, she is deaf, and so she has never heard my craft.

9) Where did you get your musical education or comparable experiences?
I have learned on the job. I was in a band that once opened for Nirvana. I left before they played, but it impacted me profoundly. Two of my bands have had releases on K Records. I used to be kinda friendly with legendary Riot Grrrl strategist and drummer, Tobi Vail. I was in a band with a woman who was the girlfriend of Hole's drummer. It just goes on and on.
 

10) This bar represents you as a whole - which portions do you devote to being a DJ, musician, producer and whatnot?
11) On a scale from 0 to 10 (0 being "not at all", 10 "brilliant"), how would you rate yourself in each of the following areas?
 
Mixing:
Scratching: 0
3 Turntable Set-Up: 0
Producing Tracks: 2
Engineering: 3
Live Instruments (which ones?): 4 (guitar and bass)
Other: Kung Fu: 2
 
 
12) Which of these skills would you like to improve, what would you like to learn about specifically?
Production and Engineering

13) Do you perform music live or as a DJ? How does this sound and look like?
I perform music live. It looks a little like a hippo struggling to get out of an overturned rail car. Come to think of it, that's what it sounds like, too.

14) What technical set-up do you have access to (decks/mixer/studio)?
I have a Gibson Grabber (Gene Simmons model) bass, a Guild electric guitar (not sure of the model, but it looks like an SG), an Ibenez acoustic guitar, an Epiphone El Capitan acoustic bass guitar. My computer is equipped with Sonar and a bunch of other programs. Sometimes mice fall into the bathtub and can't get out.

15) Do you produce tracks ot write music? If so, what was your most recent work and how would you describe it?
I produce tracks and write music. Lately I have been spending much of my creative time setting poems to music, hoping to someday break into the lucrative song poem business. I would describe it as sort of like that scene in Deliverance where the hillbilly kid with the interesting genetics and the city slicker play dueling banjos, except it's like while they are playing they are dodging flaming gobs of napalm raining down from the sky, while trying to keep from spilling their drinks.

16) If you have released any music, please let us know where, when and what was it?

2 tracks on K Records, now out of print. Live performances at KAOS, taped and circulated among footbinding fans everywhere. CD-Rs distributed to radio stations KAOS, KUOW, many others - current whereabouts unknown. Also on Internet:

http://www.soundclick.com/BizarroUltraband
http://www.soundclick.com/Blood Paradise
http://www.soundclick.com/Bureaucratica
http://www.soundclick.com/HomelessGoats
http://www.soundclick.com/Lulina
http://www.soundclick.com/MrRoboto
http://www.soundclick.com/Plan13
http://www.soundclick.com/SonsofSarookh
http://www.soundclick.com/TennesseeWayne
http://www.soundclick.com/TwentyFroggies
http://www.soundclick.com/RxR
http://www.soundclick.com/KnuckleheadUS
http://www.soundclick.com/SongPoet


17) Briefly outline your career to date - include high and low points.
My career has ranged from the near miss, to the laughably inept outright failure. High points include organizing the first anti-gulf war (Desert Storm) show in town, and opening for Nirvana at the 2nd one a week later. The Tropicana Reunion show was another one - hundreds and hundreds of people working themselves up into a frenzy, having more fun than we ever did back in the day. Making friends with Lulina and co-writing the best song in the world with her. Jamming with the Simmons and hoping to take that to higher highs then ever before. Working with Joe Sibley on the best version of California Uber Alles ever. Low points: pretty much the rest of it.

18) What's the last concert/live performance you saw and what did you think of it?
The Kairos Quartet playing Ravel's first string quartet. I was disappointed that Scott and Maria were not there (it was a little like going to see Deep Purple, and having some dork playing keyboards instead of Jon Lord - I knew that it was going to be Steve Morse instead of Richie Blackmore, which I was very cool with, but I really wanted to see Jon Lord) but I felt that the Quartet handled themselves admirably, despite being 50% adulterated. It was interesting that John Michel warned people to listen for the colors because you would not be overwhelmed by the melodies. As far as I was concerned, the melodic content was really first rate, and I was quite impressed by the deft chromaticism. In fact, I was amused with the idea that their students, the Gestalt Quartet were doing cutting edge material ("Dust in the Wind" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" - basically 19th century romanticism and Gilbert and Sullivan light opera, respectively. The Ravel was far more contemporary, challenging, and gorgeous.

19) Some dodgy geezer invites you into his time machine: Which year and place in music history would you want to revisit and why?
I'd probably go back to high school, when I had a ticket to see The Who, but I wasn't able to go. I would like to go back and see that concert.

20) Name the top three spots where you usually purchase your music:
www.cdbaby.com
 www.sublimefrequencies.com
 www.barnesandnoble.com

21) When you enter your local record store what are the five things you do first?
1. Look around to make sure nobody is watching.
2.Stuff my jacket full of CDs by Four Tet, Jimmy Behan, and the Go! Team
3. Empty the cash register drawers into my shopping bag.
4. Write "corporate rock sucks" all over the Rolling Stone magazines

5. Pee on the Britney Spears CDs


22) How do you organise your record-collection? Which style demands the biggest space? What is your favourite style?

My record collection is organized like my brain - things are in big and small piles in every room in the house. The style that currently takes up most space and time is one of my own coinage - "Quiet Grrrls." I have discovered that chicks are playing guitars and singing all over the world. They aren't letting macho jerks or histrionic psuedo-feminists define them, they are just doing their own thing. I am trying to support some of them by helping them get into new markets and so on.

23)Which cover version would you love to do yourself?
I eventually do all the cover versions that I want to do, which is nice. My next hope is to do a series of bilingual duets with Lulina. These would include: Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division) Cast Your Shadow In My Direction (Beat Happening), Heartbeat (Buddy Holly), If I Had Words (from the movie "Babe" based on Saint-Saen's Symphony #3, Opus 78) Haunted by the Ghost (Pogues and Sinead O'Connor), Love Theme from Fireball XL-5 (TV show theme)

24) Please name your top three music related websites and forums:
www.soundclick.com, songwritersandpoets@yahoogroups.com, http://www.hitsquad.com/
 
 

25) Do you contribute to any (music-) media?
I've submitted songs to independent films and cable access TV shows. No takes so far.

26) List the music on your application cd, md or tape (please include artists, titles & labels):
As an innovator in the field of digital music, and the new economy, instead of sending you a physical application and hard copy medium, I am sending you this application electronically and giving you links to my current projects (in response to question number 16).

27)Name the 10 records from your country (or city) that you definitely have to play to your fellow participants at the Why are they worth talking about? (include artists, titles & labels)
The Beakers (K Records)
The Blackouts (K Records)
Let's Together (K Records)
Days of Whine and Cheese - The Wimps- (Self Released)
Life Elsewhere - (Mr Brown)
The Intercontinentals - Bill Frisell - (some sucky corporate rock label)
Good Dog, Happy Man  - Bill Frisell - (some sucky corporate rock label)
Seattle Syndrome comp. LP (engram records)
 Amy Denio - Greatest Hits - (???)
 Nevermind - Nirvana (Geffin)
The Beakers and Blackouts were two early Olympia / Seattle bands that were very important and influential. They have recently been re-released, and they sound thick and sweet. Let's Together is a sentimental favorite - early Beat Happening, Wimps, and Manta Man. The Wimps are the greatest forgotten band that Olympia produced. Life Elsewhere has amazing funky and funny early Olympia brainiac music, from a time when people would have understood that Kurt Cobain was not, in fact, an intellectual but was a confused, inarticulate, cruel and really fucked up medicrity. I had to go with Bill Frisell, as he's just great, and his album Intercontinentals has something for everybody. Seattle Syndrome has X-15 -"vaporized" and The Pudz - "take me to your leader" these songs are must listening for the uninitiated. Amy Denio is a supreme genius, and as you'd expect for one with this attribute, is severely underappreciated in the marketplace. Finally, I'd whip some Nirvana on these people, so they'd see that our weakest product has made the greatest impact.

28) You'll do a mix for your journey to Seattle - which 10 Tracks will definitely be on there? (artists / titles / labels)
It's only 60 miles for me, so my mixtape will feature some short songs.
1. Certainly, I'll have something by Anton Webern. He wrote the booklet on brevity.
2. I Sing About Blue - Tennessee Wayne  
3. Temma Harbour - Mary Hopkins (Apple Records) 
4. 1900 Yesterday - Liz Damon and the Orient Express 
5. Let It Out (Let It All Hang Out) - The Hombres 
6. Plan 13 From Outer Space - Lulina 
7. Groovy Situation - Gene Chandler 
8. Grazing in the Grass - Friends of Distinction 
9.  Wavelength - Van Morrison
10. Back to the Island - Leon Russell 

29) What is your personal current Top Ten? (artists / titles / labels)
1. Lulina
 2. Tennesee Wayne
 3. Jandek
 4. Vincent Knobel
 5. Gang of Four
 6. Scritti Politti
 7. Young Marble Giants
8. Bonnie Hayes 
9.Fad Gadget 
10. Just Water 
 

30) Which 10 albums will you always buy again, regardless of whatever new recording format the music industry
1. Who's Next - The Who
2. Mysterious Traveller - Weather Report 
3. Relayer - Yes 
4. Birds of Fire - Mahavishnu Orchestra 
5. Low - David Bowie 
6. L - Steve Hillage 
7 Remain in Light - Talking Heads
8 Abbey Road - Beatles
9 England - Amazing Blondel
10 Yes We Have No Mananas - Kevin Ayers
 

31) You're the DJ of the night. Sun sets over Puget Sound. The setting's perfect, the colours are amazing. Which 5 tracks
1. I get a kick out of you - Cole Porter
2. The Humility Of Pain - Jandek 
3. Old Fart at Play - Captain Beefheart 
4. The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald - Gordon Lightfoot 
5. Little Arrows - Leapy Lee 

32) 12 hrs later. Everyone still seems to be going on strong. The sun is about to rise again. You'll have to think of another
This is easy!
Troglodyte - Jimmy Castor Bunch
Bolero - Ravel
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida - Iron Butterfly 
Metal Machine Music - Lou Reed 
A Kingdom He Likes - Jandek 

33) What's the title of your autobiography?
"Put down those sissors. Are you trying to put my eye out?"
 

34) What do you collect besides records / CD's etc.?
Movies with the title "Plan [ ] From Outer Space." So far I have Plan 9, Plan 10, Plan 11, Shakespeare's Plan 12, and Plan 69.
 

35) What's lying next to your bed?
My dog, Rosie, who is also the vocalist on my biggest hit, "Rosie's Lament."


36) Check out the fancy diagram below. If this pie-chart represents your private time, how do you slice it up to reflect your activities?

 
 
37) What's the most interesting book you've read in the last 12 months? Language and Politics by Noam Chomsky

38) What's the one thing you can't live without and why?
Oxygen. because I couldn't breathe without it. That's all I need. well, oxygen and food. that's all. No, wait. Oxygen and food and water. I'd be fine without anything else. except clothing. Clothing and shoes. I might be able to get along with one shoe. but not no shoes. and shelter. yes, in this climate I need at least a cave. A cave and some fire. and food, and water and oxygen and clothing, and a shoe or two. that's all can't live without.

39) What are your three favourite movies?
Ishtar
 Mystery Men
 The Incredibles

40) What's the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
I smoked some pot, and then I took a hit of Nitrous Oxide. I couldn't stop laughing, that's the truth I swear to god.

41) If you have traveled, which places and countries did you like best? And, of course, why?
 
 The Aran Islands of Ireland. I like Ireland because they've never conquered anybody. They've spent 500 years under the bootheel. I understand how they feel. The Aran Islands are my favorite place in Ireland because they are so remote and so isolated that when you are there you can imagine that the entire world has been destroyed by nuclear war, which would probably be a good thing, for the most part.

42) Which records make you cry and why?
Nirvana records make me cry because they are so fucking lame and that fame rightfully belongs to me.

43) And while we're on the subject of sobbing, when was the last time you cried anyways?
I remember it like it was yesterday. When I read about his widowed bride, something touched me deep inside the day the Music Died

44) What is better than music?
Farting
 

45) What was your most significant experience of the last 12 months?
Jamming with Mark and Tim Simmons a couple of days ago. It was fucking awesome!

46) What are the first things that come to your mind when you think about the Emerlad City Seattle?
I think of the Wizlard of Zo, and then I think of Micorsotf, and then I thor urp!

47) What's your favourite record that was made in Seattle?
"Here Come The Brides" by Perry Como

48) Which three people from Seattle have changed your world? Tell us why!
Amy Denio - she broke my heart
 Elizabeth Loftus - Because she's so smart
 Timothy Brock - He was in the Fartz!
 

49) What is your day job?
I'm a nose inspector. I pick the best ones.


50) What is your current state of mind?

I'm a little tired, I'm sort of sad, I'm pessimistic about the future and my feet itch.


51) How did you find out about this academy? (friend/former applicant/former participant/Music Academy representative/Red Bull representative/Agent/Radio/TV/ Magazine or newspaper/CD-Rom/Internet (which website?)/Red Bull Music Academy Info Session/Other Red Bull Event (which?)/Record Store?
Lulina, the greatest artist in Brazil, told me about it.

52) What did you do when you found out about it?
I fell to my knees and I prayed.

53) After completing this questionnaire, make up your own question and answer it.
Q: Do you think some of these questions were a bit personal and off the subject?
 A: Yes
 
 

If you have any questions, please contact your local Red Bull Music Academy representative (check http://www.redbullmusicacademy.com/ for details), or email us at info@redbullmusicacademy.com.

You will be notified by phone / email on July 29, 2005 if you are accepted as a candidate. If not, you will be notified by email.

So please, do double check that all your details on the front page are correct and written legibly. If your uncle can read them chances are we can, too.
Thank you, again.

And good luck - we're looking forward to welcoming you to Seattle this Noveber.
 


Dear Sir or Ms:

I have attached my application form for the Red Bull Music Academy in
Seattle. Being the forward looking cybernetic artist that I am, I am
submitting my application in electronic from, and providing links to
some of my music, which is available online. Most of my best music is,
anyway.

I am not certain that all the graphics will survive their journey
through the wormhole of googlespace, so I have also posted the
document online. You can view it at:

http://home.earthlink.net/~mattlove1/ApplicationForm.htm

Thank you for your consideration, I am looking forward to meeting
talented artists from all over the world.


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