I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Celebrity News You Can Use

Britney Spears is reportedly white hot with anger at Jessica Simpson
for displacing her as "America's Favorite Skank."

"First Simpson stole the coveted role of Daisy Duke in the Dukes of
Hazzard movie, even after some incredible gymnastics on the casting
couch by Britney," confided a gal pal of the former teen sensation,
"and then she stole an invitation to a Republican fundraiser that
Britney would have given her left tit to attend!"

Britney has been prostituting herself for the republican party since
before she was old enough to vote, so she was stunned and saddened to
hear the invitation went out to Simpson, who showed her Al-Quida
sympathies by turning them down.

"But the final blow came when Brit contacted a member of the Bush
staff and swallowed her pride (and other things) and offered to step
in for Simpson," our source continued. "She was again humiliated with
it leaked that Bush said 'that little tramp is more 5 minutes ago than
a used tampon!"

To patch up differences with the trailer park crowd, the Vice
President has offered to go quail hunting with Spears.


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