[CanYoAssDigIt] Television

my immersion in TV continues. My God.

First Will and Grace? This show is supposed to be gay friendly? One
gay character is a ridiculous clown who does far gays what all of
Minstrelsy did for blacks. The other gay character, who is in the
title, was a total asswipe. It's a good thing the show is gay
positive; any less positive and they'd be beating the hell out of them
and then hanging them on barbed wire fence in Texas to die.

Next was a double shot of "My Name Is Earl." It does exceeds
Minstrelsy for defamation, in this case, the rustic element. It was
so unspeakably vile, for once I can't go on talking about it.

And the stuff on all the other available channels didn't look any better.

I flew to the electronic arms of my computer for solace. I left my
wife with her broken leg to struggle out of the room as she best
could.

I am indeed glad that I've been watching more TV (thanks Mike, if you
are reading this). I had no idea how totally dire the situation is.
Somebody that votes 50 times a show on American Idol must be happy as
a pig in shit (a very apt metaphor) but for the small minority that
still have cognitive function, it's hell.

In fact, I believe that this is all part of Dubya's plot... the
pathetic remnent that still believes in civil society, the rule of
law, logic, reason, fairness and other chimeras, will be forced to
yield, begging for Dubya's buddies in China and the UAE to come in and
take over, and just fucking stop this excrement from flowing out of
our TVs through our eyes and ears, and into our brains. It is an
insidious plan, and diabolical in it's cleverness. Never mind, it
can't be Dubya, it must be Cheney.

and now, for another perspective, from a guy who doesn't hate TV, he
loves it (but please note, he agrees with my wife and me about Gray's
Anatomy - did I not call out about that show being a piece of shit
before Humpy did?)...

I Love TV
Faster, TV Set... Kill! Kill!

BY WM.™ STEVEN HUMPHREY

Though my reputation may lead you to believe otherwise, I do not wish
"death" upon anyone. Okay, maybe I do wish death upon Dr. Phil—but
C'MON! That balding, pear-shaped dickhole is a blight upon humankind,
and needs to have his head shoved into the bottom of a
gastrointestinally challenged donkey. But hey! I'm not a cruel
man—that's why I would sympathetically and quickly end his life with a
jalapeño enema. Does anyone have a fire hose?

Oh, don't you DARE look at me like I'm a jerk! If you've been watching
the hit show 24 lately (Fox, Mondays, 9 pm), then you know they've
been killing off our fave characters with the gusto of a fat kid
guzzling a can of Hershey's syrup. They've already killed poor
President Palmer and hottie former CTU agent Michelle Dessler. And in
recent weeks, terrorists have gassed most of the CTU staff out of
existence, including chubby comic relief Edgar, and annoying bossman
Lynn McGill. But the most shocking death was stud-monkey and former I
Love Television™ "TV Character of the Year," Tony Almeida (Carlos
Bernard), who was unceremoniously stabbed by that prick Peter Weller
(in his best role since RoboCop).

Why the wholesale slaughter? According to 24's exec producer Howard
Gordon in TV Guide, "You run out of road with a character and then
boom, you've got to clean house. Even our regulars are not immune."
THANK YOU, HOWARD GORDON. He knows that TV shows eventually run out of
creative juice because producers are too chickenshit to do the right
thing and kill off major (and boring) characters. In fact, I can think
of a pantload of characters that need to be killed—and the sooner the
better! For example...

• Marissa on The O.C. (Fox, Thursdays, 9 pm). This walking case of
postnasal drip has been inadvertently destroying lives on The O.C.
since the get-go—and still? Everyone acts like it's not her fault that
Ryan keeps getting into trouble, and surfer Johnny was crippled and
then hopped off a cliff! O.C. producers: MURDER MARISSA COOPER—BEFORE
SHE KILLS AGAIN!

• The entire cast of Grey's Anatomy (ABC, Sundays, 10 pm). What do
people see in this show?!? Anytime these characters open their stupid
mouths, I want to stick a pencil in my eye! And so... they must be
stopped! (Maybe 24 can lend the Anatomy producers some of that poison
gas?)

• BJ and Tyler from The Amazing Race (CBS, Tuesdays, 10 pm). Okay, so
they're not actual "TV characters"—but they are HIPPIES. And I fawking
HATE hippies! You can almost smell the patchouli whenever these two
longhaired, dope-huffing, Burning Man burnouts make an onscreen
appearance. To the producers of The Amazing Race: I will happily help
you guys lure these stinky hippies into some sort of unfortunate
"accident." In fact, I'll even provide the gastrointestinally
challenged donkey! recommended

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