I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

[CanYoAssDigIt] country song idea: Kind of a George Jones "he stopped loving her today" thing...

The last sentence is the relevant one:

from some blog somewhere, doesn't really matter - May I quote Peggy
Noonan on Bush's trustability?:

...what it is about [Bush], real or perceived, that makes people
who used to smile at the mention of his name now grit their teeth..

...I received an email before the news conference from as
rock-ribbed a Republican as you can find, a Georgia woman
(middle-aged, entrepreneurial) who'd previously supported him. She
said she'd had it. "I don't believe a word that comes out of his
mouth." I was startled by her vehemence only because she is, as I
said, rock-ribbed. Her email reminded me of another, one a friend
received some months ago: "I took the W off my car today," it said on
the subject line.

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[CanYoAssDigIt] This might be something to worry about if he was somebody famous...

... like OJ or Joe Namath or somebody like that.

Luckily, sports fans tell me he wasn't a big deal on the playing
field, so we don't need to be alarmed by this at all...

The Truth in the Tillman Matter was �Fragged�

Fragging was a term that came into being during my war - Vietnam. The
term came from the use of the fragmentation grenade to kill an
unpopular officer. The hand grenade was often used because it would
not leave any fingerprints, and because a ballistics test could not be
done (as it could to match a bullet with a firearm). A fragging victim
could also be� intentional killed by friendly fire during combat.
Either way, the death would be blamed on the enemy, and, due to the
dead man's unpopularity, it was assumed no one would contradict the
story.

Warnings were sometimes given by setting off a smoke or tear gas
grenade in the target's quarters, giving them a chance to change their
ways before a real grenade followed.

Chris Hedges in �What Every Person Should Know About War� states that
at least 230 American Officers were killed by their own troops and as
many as 1,400 other officer deaths were unexplained.

�In war,� Aeschylus, the Greek tragic dramatist, wrote some 2500 years
ago, �truth is the first casualty.�

In the case of the death of Army Ranger Pat Tillman in Afghanistan in
2004, the truth has been fragged.

The military initially told the public and the Tillman family that he
had been killed by enemy fire. Only weeks later did the Pentagon
acknowledge he was gunned down by fellow Rangers.

What made Tillman unique was that he was a successful professional
athlete who turned down a multi-million dollar contract to join the
army and� fight against those who attacked us. His idea of loyalty was
to pay back to his country for all the opportunities it had given him.

Only Nine days after Tillman died in Afghanistan at the White House
Correspondents' Association dinner, May 1, 2004, President Bush said
the death of Tillman "brought� home the sorrow that comes with every
loss and reminds us of the character of the men and women who serve on
our behalf." Tillman, the president said that night, "was modest
because he knew there were many like him making their own sacrifices."

The army awarded Tillman the Silver Star �for gallantry in action on
22 April 2004 against an armed enemy while serving as a Rifle Team
Leader in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. Corporal Tillman put
himself in the line of devastating enemy fire as he maneuvered his
Fire Team to a covered position from which they could effectively
employ their weapons on known enemy positions. While mortally wounded,
his audacious leadership and courageous example under fire inspired
his men to fight with great risk to their own personal safety,
resulting in the enemy's withdrawal and his platoon's safe passage
from the ambush kill zone. Corporal Tillman's personal courage,
tactical expertise, and professional competence directly contributed
to this platoon's overall success and survival. Through his
distinctive accomplishments, Corporal Tillman reflected great credit
upon himself, the 75th Ranger Regiment, and the United States� Army.�

The death of the football star who gave up a lucrative contract to
serve his country could not have come at a more opportune time for the
Administration.

A series of what at best must be called distressing public images that
were shaping a negative perception of the war in Iraq.

The remains of American contractors working in Iraq, strung up in
Fallujah, had appeared in photographs and on news reports three weeks
before.� Abu Ghraib was just about to make an appearance on "60
Minutes II" complete with� photos depicting abuse by U.S. soldiers
working as guards in the prison.

The news that American soldiers had gunned down Pat Tillman could have
been another negative headline if it had been reported that way at the
time.� Instead, Tillman was cast as a war hero.

It would take almost five more weeks -- after a flag-draped coffin
ceremony, a Silver Star award and a news release, and a public
memorial attended by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), Jake Plummer and
newswoman Maria Shriver -- for the Rangers or the Army to acknowledge
to his brother Kevin Tillman, his family or the public that Pat
Tillman had been killed by his own men.

Five weeks after his death, the family learned that it was the result
of friendly fire.

Even then in the fall of 2004, at a ceremony at Sun Devil Stadium in
which Tillman's Arizona Cardinals jersey was retired, the president
delivered a video message on the stadium's giant screen. "As much as
Pat Tillman loved competing on the football field, he loved America
even more," Bush said. "Courageous and humble, a loving husband and
son, a devoted brother and a fierce defender of liberty. Pat Tillman
will always be remembered and honored in our country."

Then in December we were told that dozens of witness statements,
e-mails, investigation findings, logbooks, maps and photographs
obtained by The Washington Post showed that Tillman died unnecessarily
after botched communications, a mistaken decision to split his platoon
over the objections of its leader, and negligent shooting by pumped-up
young Rangers -- some in their first firefight -- who failed to
identify their targets as they blasted their way out of a frightening
ambush.

At that point we were led to believe that� Tillman fought bravely and
honorably until his last breath. They also show that his superiors
exaggerated his actions and invented details as they burnished his
legend in public, at the same time suppressing details that might
tarnish Tillman's commanders.

The story did not end there. It might have were it not for the parents
of Pat Tillman who continued to press the Army for the truth about how
their son died.

Their search and the military reaction to their questions further
sullies the truth.

Lt. Col. Ralph Kauzlarich during a November 2004 investigation, said
he'd learned Kevin� Tillman, Pat's brother and fellow Army Ranger who
was a part of the battle the night Pat Tillman died, objected to the
presence of a chaplain and the saying of prayers during a repatriation
ceremony in Germany before his brother's body was returned to the
United States.

Kauzlarich further suggested the Tillman family's unhappiness with the
findings of past� investigations might be because of the absence of a
Christian faith in their lives.

In an interview with ESPN.com, Kauzlarich said: "When you die, I mean,
there is supposedly a better life, right? Well, if you are an atheist
and you don't believe in anything, if you die, what is there to go to?
Nothing. You are worm dirt. So for their son to die for nothing, and
now he is no more � that is pretty hard to get your head around that.
So I don't know how an atheist thinks. I can only imagine that that
would be pretty tough."

Asked by ESPN.com whether the Tillmans' religious beliefs are a factor
in the ongoing investigation, Kauzlarich said, "I think so. There is
not a whole lot of trust in the system or faith in the system [by the
Tillmans]. So that is my personal opinion, knowing what I know."

Asked what might finally placate the family, Kauzlarich said, "You
know what? I don't think anything will make them happy, quite
honestly. I don't know. Maybe they want to see somebody's head on a
platter. But will that really make them happy? No, because they can't
bring their son back."

Kauzlarich,� was the Ranger regiment executive officer in Afghanistan
who played a role in writing the recommendation for Tillman's
posthumous Silver Star.

What would have made the family happy, was the truth. They deserve nothing less.

From time to time since Tillman�s death, information has continued to
surface that indicates that althoughTillman strongly supported the
hunt for Osama bin laden, he was equally critical of the war in Iraq.

According to a September 25, 2005 San Francisco Chronicle report his
mother said that he had planned to meet privately with anti war writer
and activist Noam Chomsky and that "Pat was very critical of the whole
Iraq war." We were told he was going to vote for John Kerry, was
against the war in Iraq," According the Chronicle, Tillman had set up
a meeting with Chomsky to take place when he returned from
Afghanistan, where he eventually wound up after serving his tour in
Iraq. This image of a Chomsky-loving, anti-Bush, anti-Iraq-war hero
(at a time when most of the U.S. population supported the
administration's foreign policy), flew in the face of the official
Bush administration portrait of Tillman

The Chronicle also quoted Spc. Russell Baer, who recalled a
conversation he� had with Tillman during the March 2003 invasion of
Iraq. Baer told the� Chronicle, "We were talking. And Pat said, 'You
know, this war is so f------� illegal.' And we all said, 'Yeah.'
That's who he was. He totally was against Bush." Additionally, the
Chronicle quoted Senior Chief Petty Officer Stephen White, who "said
Pat 'wasn't very fired up about being in Iraq' and instead� wanted to
go fight al Qaeda in Afghanistan."

In an April 24th, 2007 congressional hearing Spc. Bryan O�Neal
testified that he was �the last soldier to see Army Ranger Pat Tillman
alive.� He told lawmakers that he �was warned by superiors not to
divulge � especially to the Tillman family � that a fellow soldier
killed� Tillman.�

We also know that Army medical examiners were suspicious about the
close proximity of the three bullet holes in Pat Tillman's forehead
and tried without success to get authorities to investigate whether
the former NFL player's death amounted to a crime, according to
documents obtained this week by The Associated Press.

"The medical evidence did not match up with the, with the scenario as
described," a doctor who examined Tillman's body after he was killed
on the battlefield in Afghanistan in 2004 told investigators.The
doctors - whose names were blacked out - said that the bullet holes
were so close together that it appeared the Army Ranger was cut down
by an M-16 fired from a mere 10 yards or so away.

We now know that no evidence at all of enemy fire was found at the
scene - no one was hit by enemy fire, nor was any government equipment
struck.

We know that a soldier who on April 23 burned Tillman�s bullet riddled
body armor � which� would have been evidence in a friendly-fire
investigation � testified that he did so because there was no doubt it
was friendly fire that killed Tillman. Two days later, Tillman�s
uniform and vest also were burned because they were soaked in blood
and considered a biohazard. Tillman�s uniform also was burned.

Although there was ample testimony that Tillman died immediately, an
Army report � dated April 22, 2004, from the field hospital in
Salerno, Afghanistan, where his body was taken � suggested otherwise.
While it stated that he had no blood pressure or pulse �on arrival,�
it stated that cardio pulmonary resuscitation had been conducted and
that he was transferred to the intensive care unit for further CPR.

On April 23, all top Ranger commanders were told of the suspected
fratricide. That same day, an Army press release said he was killed
�when his patrol vehicle came under attack.�

On April 30, the Army awarded Tillman a Silver Star medal for bravery,
saying that �through the firing Tillman�s voice was heard issuing fire
commands to take the fight to the enemy on the dominating high
ground.�

On May 2, the acting Army Secretary Les Brownlee was told of the fratricide.

On May 7, the Army�s official casualty report stated incorrectly that
Tillman was killed by �enemy forces� and �died in a medical treatment
facility.�

On May 28, the Army finally admitted to Tillman�s family that he had
been killed by friendly fire.

�In testimony on Nov. 14, the officer who conducted the first
investigation said that he thought some Rangers could have been
charged with �criminal intent,� and that some Rangers committed �gross
negligence.� The legal difference between the two terms is roughly
similar to the distinction between murder and involuntary
manslaughter.

On April 24, 2007, his brother Kevin Tillman, testifying at a
congressional hearing, stated, "The deception surrounding this case
was an insult to the family: but more importantly, its primary purpose
was to deceive a whole nation. We say these things with disappointment
and sadness for our country. Once again, we have been used as props in
a Pentagon public relations exercise."

So, Tuesday, a retired three-star general is censured for the chain of
�errors� that followed the friendly-fire death in 2004 of Army Ranger
Pat Tillman.

The Army referred to a special panel whether retired Army Lt. Gen.
Philip Kensinger should also have his rank reduced.

Army Secretary Pete Geren told a Pentagon news conference that
Kensinger was "guilty of deception" and had deceived investigators.

"It's a perfect storm of mistakes, misjudgments and a failure of
leadership," said Geren in announcing his decision after an
investigation into the death of the former pro football player.

The perfect storm of mistakes, misjudgments and the failure of
leadership has become too much of a common place and continues with
the most recent actions.

The truth in this case has been fragged. Pure and simple. There are
some who believe that was the fate of Pat Tillman. If he was murdered
that is not acceptable, neither is the public not knowing.

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Saturday, July 28, 2007

[CanYoAssDigIt] Free songs for download, and too expensive at that price!

Almost 30 years ago, I co-wrote many songs with a friend... a couple
of years after that, at no small expense, he had demos recorded of
these songs.

I've long lost my copy of this demo, but a dub (intact except for some
childish babble dubbed in by the child on one song) I made turned up
when I was helping a friend move last month.

Yesterday I spent several hours dubbing, digitizing, and uploading the
10 songs.

Unless you are a fan of song poems and the like, you probably
shouldn't waste your time listening to them (or downloading them) at

http://www.soundclick.com/thecringeworthies

They are seriously bad. The worst / best of them sound like we were
on some kind of drugs when we wrote them… not mind-expanding drugs,
but mind-destroying drugs, maybe the kind that Barry Manilow would
take, if he takes drugs.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

[CanYoAssDigIt] mattlove1 sent you a video!

YouTube  Broadcast Yourself™

mattlove1 wants to share a video with you

Video Description

FREE MP3! Right-click and SAVE!*

http://www.tayzonday.com/Tay_Zonday_Internet_Dream.mp3

*All rights reserved.

LYRICS:

Internet Dream

"Man this internet's something else"

[Verse]

Cuttin it close
Let the dishes turn green
Everyone chasin their
Internet dream

Some like it hot
In a triple X funk
'Winnin the auction
'Turnin money to junk

'Cappin the flag
In a virtual dash
'Skippin your wedding
To play in a match


[Chorus]

Shut all the blinds
You mighta been seen
'Sittin alone
With your internet dream

Winning the race
For your digital fix
Living your life
With a clickity-click
(Repeat)

"So every day I swear
I'm gonna go to bed at like eleven.
And all of a sudden its 4AM . . .
And I was just watching Youtube and
reading Wikipedia for five hours.
It's like MAN . . . you ask me the
next day. I can't even remember
what I was doin. Crazy."

[Verse ]

[Chorus]

"I was talkin to my mom the other day
And she's like 'Oh,
My computer's been acting up again!'
So I'm thinkin she got a virus
or something . . .
And I'm like 'ok what's wrong?'
And she's like 'You know that bar that
you type the website in! It disappeared!
I can never remember how to get it back!'
I'm like 'ok Mom. We did this last week.'
I love my Mom and Dad. "

[Chorus X 2]

Personal Message

I have seen the future of rock and roll, and he is Tay Zonday

To accept my friend request, click here.

To respond to mattlove1, click here.

Thanks,
mattlove1

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[CanYoAssDigIt] Heard on the radio in Germany...Questionable taste...

Still sorting through experiences in our European trip... still
putting together the little anecdotes before I tackle the really big,
interesting stories...

Them new fangled country boys sure know how to show a gal a real fine time!

Harmless fun:
Brad Paisley Ticks Lyrics

Every time you take a sip
In this smoky atmosphere
You press that bottle to your lips
And I wish I was your beer
In the small there of your back
Your jeans are playing peekaboo
I'd like to see the other half of your butterfly tattoo.

Hey that gives me an idea
Let's get out of this bar
Drive out into the country
And find a place to park.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.

I know the perfect little path
Out in these woods I used to hunt
Don't worry babe I've got your back
And I've also got your front
Now, I'd hate to waste a night like this
I'll keep you safe you wait and see
The only thing allowed to crawl all over you when we get there is me.

You know every guy in here tonight
Would like to take you home
But I've got way more class than them
Babe that ain't what I want.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.

You never know where one might be
There's lots of places that are hard to reach
I gotcha.

I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you baby way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.
I'd sure like to check you for ticks...

*****

Just don't try it in real life:

Tick 'finder' receives probation
Man who sexually assaulted women to continue treatment
By DAVID DOEGE
ddoege@journalsentinel.com
Posted: July 2, 2007

Waukesha - A small-business operator who sexually assaulted several
women by telling them they had a tick on them before touching their
buttocks and, in some cases, pulling their pants down was sentenced
Monday to three years' probation.
Advertisement

Michael F. Knurr was sentenced after his defense attorney told
Waukesha County Circuit Judge Ralph Ramirez that Knurr's behavior was
apparently rooted in some form of mental illness.

"There was some kind of breakdown," Gerald Boisits said of Knurr, who
insists he can recall virtually nothing of the encounters that ran him
afoul of the law.

But one woman who was sexually assaulted by Knurr in her yard regarded
his memory loss as a convenient excuse and said he was unbelievably
brash, following her into her home.

"After all you did to me you gave me your business card," the woman
said in court of Knurr, who operates a tree service. "Unbelievable.

"You are a disturbed individual. You need to get professional help."

Knurr, 39, of Mukwonago, was sentenced by Ramirez on three counts of
fourth-degree sexual assault, a misdemeanor. As a condition of his
probation, Ramirez ordered that Knurr, a father of two with no prior
criminal record, continue receiving mental health treatment.
Underwent therapy

Boisits indicated that Knurr underwent inpatient therapy since the
encounters came to light and he is taking four medications. The
treatment and medications, according to Boisits, have improved Knurr
since he first came to his office to discuss his legal troubles.

"He appeared in my office, and I honestly could not understand
anything he was talking about," Boisits said.

Knurr was charged for incidents that occurred last year from June to
November in Muskego, New Berlin and Waukesha.

In one case, the criminal complaint says, a New Berlin woman, 32,
called Knurr for an estimate to remove a tree.

As they were walking, the complaint says, Knurr told the woman about a
tick. She told him to get it off and pulled her shorts down slightly.
She felt a pinch on her left buttock. He said, "I got it."

She looked at his hand and didn't see a tick, but she thanked him. He
said, "Oh no, it was my pleasure."

In another instance, the complaint says, he told a woman asking about
having a tree removed that there was a tick on her, and he put his
hand down her pants and groped her buttocks.

Knurr pleaded no contest in the case.

Prosecutors think Knurr used the routine on at least 16 women, not all
of whom were assaulted.

Knurr apologized in court Monday and said he hoped his troubled
behavior was a thing of the past, telling Ramirez, "I hope nothing
will happen."

"I just want to put this behind me and get on with my life," he said.

In sentencing Knurr, Ramirez stayed a 90-day jail term, time he said
Knurr's probation agent could use as he sees fit if troubles develop
during his supervision.

From the July 3, 2007 editions of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Have an opinion on this story? Write a letter to the editor or start
an online forum.

Subscribe today and receive 4 weeks free! Sign up now.

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[CanYoAssDigIt] mattlove1 sent you a video!

YouTube  Broadcast Yourself™

mattlove1 wants to share a video with you

Video Description

*****CONTEST*****
Create a movie trailer for this video, please post it as a video response. The person who makes the best one will get a Surprise! :)

Deadline for movie trailer entries is Friday, August 3rd. If you don't know how to get the footage from this video, you can try http://www.downloadyoutubevideos.com/

-------------------------

-About The Video:
I spent a week and a half (literally over 150 hours) on this video, I really hope you guys like it. I put my all into it. Needless to say, my livingroom is a mess from all the costumes and props. :)

I created all of the animations from scratch, played all of the characters, edited, wrote the script, did everything on this. It is 100% original, from the pits of my crazy mind. :) It's weird, I have to warn you. But if you are a subscriber, you would already know that I am a strange girl. :)

Thank you to Nigel Simmons for offering me his beautiful music to score most of this video. http://nigel.has.it

To Answer the Techie Questions I know I will get: I did all the animations frame by frame, and some by key framing. All the graphics are created by me in photoshop (for example- the sky palace.) With the exception of desert backgrounds and camels etc., which I obviously couldn't generate. Those images are stock photos. I had a lot of fun customizing everything in this video. I can actually say that I built this thing from scratch, thanks to my Mac Pro. I would never have been able to do all of this on my pc without frequent crashing.

As usual, no one helped me. But my mom was really nice and sewed Ethereal's neck ruff and the enchanted cloak. Thanks Mommy :)

List of Characters in This Episode:
-VenetianPrincess
-Elizabeth
-Drunk Pirate Who Ran Out of Rum
-2 Pirates playing cards
-Edmund
-The Sky Boat Renter
-The Sky Fisherman
-Ethereal, The Sky Goddess
-Claudius and Larithius, the Cherubs

..Looking forward to your movie trailers!

Personal Message

Solo Dweeb Makes Socco Boffo Soundtrack Appearance.

When reached for comment in his secret mountaintop hide away in Edmonton,Matt Love said, "It's both socco and boffo. It's hard to say whether it's more socco or boffo, but it's got a heck of a lot of each!"

VP writes:

Date: 26 Jul 2007 1:57
Subject: My New Video Will Shock You- Check it Out
Body: Check Out my new video "Quest For The Key" here





*****CONTEST*****
If you think you can make a creative movie trailer for this video, please post it as a video response. The person who makes the best one will get a Surprise! :)


I spent a week and a half (literally over 150 hours) on this video, I really hope you guys like it. I put my all into it. Needless to say, my livingroom is a mess from all the costumes and props. :)

I created all of the animations from scratch, played all of the characters, edited, wrote the script, did everything on this. It is 100% original, from the pits of my crazy mind. :) It's weird, I have to warn you. But if you are a subscriber, you would already know that I am a strange girl. :)

Thank you to Nigel Simmons for offering me his beautiful music to score most of this video.

To Answer the Techie Questions I know I will get: I did all the animations frame by frame, and some by key framing. All the graphics are completely original created by me in photoshop (for example- the sky palace.) With the exception of desert backgrounds and camals etc., which I obviously couldn't generate. Those images are royalty free purchased from istockphoto.com

To accept my friend request, click here.

To respond to mattlove1, click here.

Thanks,
mattlove1

Using YouTube

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Check the Help Center for answers to common questions.
Your Account Settings
To change your preferences, settings, or personal info, go to the 'My Account' section.
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To change or cancel email notifications from YouTube, go to the Email Options section of your Profile.

Copyright © 2007 YouTube, Inc.

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

[CanYoAssDigIt] How Low Can You Go?

Back home, recovering from jet lag...

Here's a report on our European Vacation. Maybe not the most important
thing that happened, but for some reason, it's currently at the
uppermost of the toppermost of my alleged mind.

On the train to the airport, I noticed how far this mania among the
fair sex for lowering the waist line of their jeans has gone. I could
see the stubble of the top of a woman's pubic hair above the top of
her jeans. Presumably shaved to accommodate the extremely low
waistline.

My friends, is not this trend the greatest fashion disaster since the
murder of Gianni Versace? it's so unrelentingly ugly - with the pants
stretched tightly across the lower half of the woman's posterior, they
upper half is squeezed out the top of the pants, changing the
aesthetically pleasing pear shape of her ass into an appalling
mushroom shape.

On a trim attractive woman it's unattractive - on overweight women,
it's.... words fail me.

See? I can go an entire post without talking about Bush. At least, that Bush.

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Saturday, July 21, 2007

[CanYoAssDigIt] more on Ishtar the Musical

He is joking... but maybe the more the idea is in the air...

Stupid NYT reviewer maybe doesn't know the Times initially gave Isthar
a good review... as they should have.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/22/arts/22ishe.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Playgoers, Beware the 'Ishtar' Invasion

By CHARLES ISHERWOOD
Published: July 22, 2007

BROADWAY has recently been diligent, even tireless, in the pursuit of
refitting successful movie musicals from the 1980s (and the 1970s) for
the stage. Almost without exception the results have been dire. The
synthetic stage version of "Saturday Night Fever" took itself way too
seriously; "Footloose" was bland and witless; "Urban Cowboy" had all
the down-home grit of a barbecued marshmallow. The odious stage
version of "Fame" never made it to Broadway — a small mercy — but it
was an inexplicable hit in the West End of London. Next up: a stage
"Flashdance," being developed by the company that brought us the dud
Earth, Wind and Fire jukebox musical "Hot Feet." Prognosis: scary.
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Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection

"Ishtar" starred Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty.
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Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection

Jamie Lee Curtis in "Perfect."

Now, with the improbably delightful "Xanadu" blazing a neon path
forward, perhaps it is time for Broadway to forge ahead in adapting
some of the truly awful movie offerings of the decade for the stage.
Maybe only in acknowledged cinematic badness does the promise of stage
greatness lie.

Herewith my fantasy (and, I hope I need hardly add, facetious)
suggestions for potential resurrection. You'll notice that my
definition of the 1980s is a little bit loose here. The 1980s were the
years in which the quality of American moviemaking truly began to
decline precipitously, but a few '70s titles were so bad that I've
decided to include them as honorary '80s movies. And, to narrow the
competition, I concentrated on movies that are either musicals or were
associated with hit songs or soundtracks. ("Mommie Dearest," a natural
choice, is thus disqualified, although it could make a great opera.)

'EYES OF LAURA MARS: THE MUSICAL'

This 1978 thriller was not, strictly speaking, a musical, but it
spawned a big hit for Barbra Streisand in "Prisoner (Love Theme From
'Eyes of Laura Mars')," and its soundtrack also includes the familiar
disco number "Let's All Chant," by the
never-heard-from-before-or-since Michael Zager Band.

Nor is it truly terrible, although its chichi fashion-world setting
and the presence of Faye Dunaway in the title role firmly classify it
as camp. Ms. Dunaway is fiercely entertaining as a demanding,
perfectionist, Helmut Newton-style fashion photographer who is stalked
both psychically and literally by a killer who plants ice picks in his
victims' eyes.

Who but the demanding, perfectionist Donna Murphy could fill Ms.
Dunaway's leather boots onstage? Denis O'Hare would be brilliant as
the snippy gay sidekick played by Rene Auberjonois. A dance medley on
the soundtrack also includes "(Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty"
from KC and the Sunshine Band, which means the stage version could
shoehorn in a few more of that group's undying dance hits with
impunity, although it is hard to picture Ms. Murphy delivering any of
them. Perhaps she could tone up the proceedings by singing "I'm Your
Boogie Man" with a German accent?

'A STAR IS BORN '76: THE MUSICAL'

Andrew Lloyd Webber's production company was once rumored to be
mounting a stage version of the beloved 1954 "Star Is Born," which
starred Judy Garland and James Mason and featured songs by Harold
Arlen and Ira Gershwin. Far more fruitful for pure kitsch purposes is
the unbeloved, resplendently bad 1970s version that helped send Barbra
Streisand's movie career into an aesthetic swoon from which it never
truly recovered.

I envision Idina Menzel in the lead role, center stage at the climax
in a nimbus of light emphasizing the supersized faux-'fro that Ms.
Streisand sported in the movie. (Remember, these were the Jon Peters
years.) Ms. Menzel certainly has both the vocal chops and, as an
alumna of "Rent," the rock (or rock-ish) background to play Esther
Hoffman, the pop rocker on the rise whose marriage to that
star-on-the-skids John Norman Howard ends tempestuously and
tragically.

Harder to cast, perhaps, would be the Howard role, played by Kris
Kristofferson in the movie, looking vaguely nauseated throughout.
Perhaps Ms. Menzel's co-star in "Rent," Adam Pascal, could be talked
into growing a scraggly beard and grumbling his way through Mr.
Kristofferson's songs?

A metatheatrical twist could interpolate the backstage drama on the
movie. Ms. Streisand's megalomania had begun to spiral out of control
by this point. She and Mr. Kristofferson reportedly loathed each
other; hence, perhaps, his terminally disgusted look. Incidentally,
Joan Didion and John Gregory Dunne shared screenplay credit. Would Ms.
Didion be interested in another crack at Broadway, refashioning her
work for a stage sendup? I rather doubt it.

'GREASE 2: THE MUSICAL'

Sequelitis, the bane of Hollywood for at least a quarter-century, has
somehow failed to infect Broadway. Maybe the doomed attempts to
manufacture a hit follow-up to "Annie" had a vaccinationlike effect on
even the more crass producers. But it's never too late to start.

How many show queens recall that the super-flop sequel to one of the
biggest movie musicals of all time was directed by Patricia Birch,
better known as a Broadway choreographer and frequent collaborator of
Harold Prince? Ms. Birch choreographed the smash-hit "Grease" for both
stage and film and was rewarded with the director's chair on "Grease
2."

Sadly, her moviemaking debut didn't fare much better than Mr. Prince's
moribund film version of the Stephen Sondheim musical "A Little Night
Music." Perhaps a second crack at the material, with tongue in cheek,
would be more fruitful. (More theater-related "Grease 2" trivia: Peter
Frechette, a well-known New York actor, plays one of the not-so-tough
toughs in the bland, sugary sequel to an already toxically innocuous
movie.)

I see Leslie Kritzer, now on Broadway as Elle's chief sidekick in
"Legally Blonde," in the Lorna Luft role (and Ms. Luft in the Eve
Arden role). Perhaps Kerry Butler could move smoothly from "Xanadu" to
the lead, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, who was perhaps the only one
involved in "Grease 2" to emerge unscathed.

'ISHTAR: THE KARAOKE MUSICAL'

Another popular trend Broadway has been slow to capitalize on is
karaoke. Maybe the time has come to acknowledge that today, as amateur
hours spread across the television spectrum like a variety-show virus,
half the people in a Broadway audience secretly yearn for stardom, or
at least a shining moment in the public spotlight. The rest have
learned to be voyeurs and contest judges, happy to snicker as fellow
audience members make utter fools of themselves.

So the legendarily unamusing 1987 comedy starring Dustin Hoffman and
Warren Beatty as talentless singer-songwriters could be adapted to
give audience members a chance to play would-be pop idols themselves,
sharing the stage with the stars of the Broadway sendup, Norbert Leo
Butz and Brian d'Arcy James. Before taking your seat, you check off
your repertory from a wide list of hits of the past few decades. Lucky
winners get a chance to sing their favorite or share a duet with Mr.
Butz or Mr. James.

Thus laughs, so peculiarly absent in Elaine May's movie, can be
effortlessly ushered into the stage adaptation. Also, Jackie Hoffman
and Mary Testa repeat their scene-stealing chores from "Xanadu" here,
playing both ends of a wisecracking camel.

'PERFECT'

This 1985 clunker was undoubtedly the worst movie ever made about the
aerobics craze — also the only one I fondly hope — and possibly also
the worst movie ever made about journalism. The chemistry between
Jamie Lee Curtis, as a grumpy, manic, trampy workout instructor, and
John Travolta, playing a reporter for Rolling Stone, was about as
intoxicating as a gallon of Gatorade. Some egregiously bad dialogue
didn't help. The immortally awful aperçu "You're a sphincter muscle!"
is virtually a leitmotif, for example, spoken both in bitterness and
in tendresse.

To avoid having to use any of that un-lampoonably dreary dialogue,
"Perfect" becomes Broadway's next all-dance musical, a zippy 90
minutes choreographed by Twyla Tharp (she already did jogging in
"Movin' Out") and reuniting two of the electrifying dancers from that
show, Elizabeth Parkinson (in Ms. Curtis's asymmetrical shag) and John
Selya.

Their pelvic-thrusting pas de deux are performed to the music of the
Pointer Sisters, whose single "All Systems Go" appears on the
soundtrack, thus making it logical to include a bunch of their other
infectious hits from the decade, like "Jump (for My Love)," "I'm So
Excited" and "Automatic," all uncannily apropos for a show set in a
stylized dream of a sports club. Other kitschy fun redolent of the
'80s: a scene set in a Chippendales-type bar full of hysterical
bachelorettes, and a chorus line of Boy George impersonators
serenading their trainer with "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?"
(Weirdly, a bunch of Boy George look-alikes actually make cameo
appearances in the movie.)

'THE BRAT PACK LIVE! ON BROADWAY'

This tribute to the sentimental filmic youthquake of the decade
reunites all the stars of the John Hughes pictures (and tributary
movies like "St. Elmo's Fire") who are not currently working in film.
Which is to say, most of them.

In a semi-satiric nostalgia fest the likes of Molly Ringwald, Ally
Sheedy, Judd Nelson, Andrew McCarthy and Anthony Michael Hall recreate
memorable scenes from the movies that made them, all too briefly and
at a painfully tender age, famous. Altered hairlines and paunches add
a postmodernist twist to scenes of teenagers battling and bonding. A
poignant finale finds the cast leading a sing-along version of the big
hit from "The Breakfast Club," Simple Minds' "Don't You (Forget About
Me)."

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