Your program

I haven't been a tv watcher for 31 years. Oh, sure, like 2nd hand
smoke, it's unavoidable, especially at my parent's place, where I'm
currently vacationing.

Tonight I saw you people take a nice looking young lady and turn her
into something that resembled one of those packages of liver under
shrink wrap you see in the meat section of a supermarket. She seemed
happy with the change, but I think her real problem was her
unsupportive family and friends who undermined her self-esteme and
made her feel like she was worthless.

However, I am not writing to you to give you the criticism you so
richly deserve. I'm writing to offer myself up for an extreme
makeover. I'm happy with the way that I look. I am old, fat, bald,
bearded, fat and nearsighted, and I am at peace with that.

However, I need to get myself back into some sort of reasonable
physical shape. I have an open challenge to Toby Keith to meet me in
physical combat. I realize that violence doesn't solve anything. Only
morons like Toby Keith believe something that stupid. However, I just
think it's important that I show the world what a phony and pussy he
really is.

I don't think that he'll give me a lot of trouble. The big dirtbag is
afraid of his own bald head! This is a pretty common condition with
people in country music - the same can be said about Kenny Chesney,
TIm McGraw, Alan Jackson, half of Brooks and Dunn, etc. But my
argument with them is aesthetic, not political. Jackson at least is
open and honest that his politics are pre-stone age - he says "hey,
I'm a dumbshit and I'm proud of it! Iran? I Iraq? What's the
difference? I don't know! I don't care! coo coo! coo coo!"

Still, despite nothing but a big bloated bag of hot air, Keith does
have a size and a reach advantage. If you guys could work with me to
get me some physical training, a little martial arts skills, etc, Toby
and me could put on a real good show for the poor dumb assholes that
watch reality tv and have no lives.

My folks can be forgiven - my dad is over 90, my mom is over 80. but
people my age watch your show. Shame, shame, shame. It would inspire
your viewers for them to see one of your contestants do something
useful - like kicking Toby Keith's ass, instead of getting some kind
of pansy new haircut. Give them a chance. Give me a chance. Let me
give Toby Keith a boot in the ass. It's the American way!

SIncerely,

Matt Love