I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: Your Ad in the Stranger

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Matt Love <matt.mattlove1@gmail.com>
Date: Apr 5, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: Your Ad in the Stranger
To: madmanhotdogstand@yahoo.com

You wrote:
96 year old bass player wanted
posted 03/16/2006
Wanted Bass player around 96 years old. The closer to death the
better. Try to die on stage. Overdose would be cool. I'll let you
crash my camaro. HardRock/punk/thrash/blues/metal/grunge. I sing/play
guitar
me Kyle age:(21)

*****

I've got what you need. While I'm not yet 96 years old, I'm more than
halfways there, and I'm close to death as a motherfucker.

My bio:
http://home.earthlink.net/~mattlove1/ApplicationForm.htm
My music:
http://www.soundclick.com/KnuckleheadUS
http://www.soundclick.com/BloodParadise
http://www.soundclick.com/Bureaucratica
http://www.soundclick.com/ErnestYoungman
http://www.soundclick.com/HomelessGoats
http://www.soundclick.com/Lulina
http://www.soundclick.com/MrRoboto
http://www.soundclick.com/Plan13
http://www.soundclick.com/SonsofSarookh
http://www.soundclick.com/TennesseeWayne
http://www.soundclick.com/TwentyFroggies
http://www.soundclick.com/RxR
http://www.soundclick.com/SongPoet
http://www.soundclick.com/BizarroUltraband

*****

No reply. This guy is one sick dog.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Check out my photos!

Take a look at these photos I put on Ringo. I can't be certain, but I think that is Cybill Shepherd whipping on Rick Reed in this picture The caption I put on it was:
Ouch!

This is how it feels to listen to the music at www.soundclick.com/RxR. But think how good it will feel when it stops hurting.
Enjoy!



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Sunday, April 16, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Check out my photos!





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[CanYoAssDigIt] Oprah, Bill Gates and the Privatization of Public Schools

In addition to sharing the writers skepticism about billionaires
reshaping the country's educational agenda, I wonder why anybody takes
the pronouncements on education by mediocre students like Bill Gates
and George W Bush seriously.

Weekend Edition
April 15 / 16, 2006

Oprah, Bill Gates and the Privatization of Public Schools

What Billionaires Mean by Education Reform

By SETH SANDRONSKY

Recently, talk show host Oprah Winfrey focused on "America's Education
Crisis." Bill Gates, Microsoft co-founder, and his wife, Melinda, were
guests. Stand Up is their national campaign to improve education for
youth.

Does Oprah know that the $27 billion Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
also gave $4 million dollars to the Sacramento City Unified School
District for "educational reform?"

For the context of this donation we turn to the district's Sacramento
High School. There, students, scores on standardized tests were low.

Officially, such exams are the best measure of what modern education
can provide to the nation's youth. Crucially, the SCUSD had taken
state funds to improve SHS students, test scores. Subsequently, the
scores lacked the desired improvement.

SHS risked becoming a "failed school." Later to avoid state sanctions,
the district decided to close SHS, located in the low-income, largely
nonwhite neighborhood of Oak Park.

Against that backdrop, Starbucks Corp. and inflated home prices are
sprouting in this gentrifying area.

Meet former NBA star Kevin Johnson of the Phoenix Suns, a SHS grad,
and a guest on Oprah's recent show. Retired from pro hoops, he was
tapped to improve the education of SHS students, heading up the St.
Hope Development Corporation. SHS was re-opened by KJ's corporation,
which has run it as a charter school, praised on the Winfrey show.

Significantly, many SHS parents and labor union members opposed the
school's privatization. Parents formed the Sacramento Coalition to
Save Public Education. Some SHS teachers did not want to work without
a union contract for a corporation.

Legitimizing the drive to privatize SHS was The Sacramento Bee, the
city,s one daily paper for over a decade. The McClatchy Co. publishes
The Bee. The Sacramento-based publisher is also the pending buyer of
Knight Ridder Inc., the 12 union papers of which are on the selling
block.

KJ's corporation, in the context of "seed money" taken by the SCUSD
from the Gates Foundation, took over a public high school and weakened
labor unions. In the language of the market, non-union labor is more
"flexible," making it is easier for bosses to fire workers. This
flexibility also weakens the political power of teachers' unions.

Oprah's recent two-part "special report" on the crisis in U.S. public
schools included this gem: "I've often said that I believe that
education is freedom." Presumably, this includes freedom for
billionaires to shape school reform as they see fit. But freeing
public education by turning it over to corporations is no freedom at
all.

Seth Sandronsky is a member of Sacramento Area Peace Action and a
co-editor of Because People Matter, Sacramento's progressive paper. He
can be reached at ssandron@hotmail.com


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Vultures of one sort or another...

I've been trolling the web a lot, looking for other people who are
enthusiastic fans of Ishtar, to ask them to join this list. I've been
reading a lot of opinions of the movie... they diverge so wildly that
I sometimes wonder if there weren't several different movies called
"Ishtar," and the whole thing was some sort of sociological
experiment.

I remember hearing (from more than one source) about the obvious
bloopers involving the vultures in the desert... how you could see
that the bored and disinterested vultures were being tossed into the
scene by handlers just outside the frame.

When I finally saw the movie, I expected to see footprints, a person's
shadow coming into the frame, perhaps even a hand... but I didn't see
any of these things, and in fact, no evidence at all that the vultures
were being tossed in. I felt stupid, unobservant - I was an unworthy
movie watcher. Did anybody else on this list experience anything
similar?

Anyway, this is what they NY Times reviewer said about that scene in a
review that came out on the film's release:

"The film's budget may well be a matter of outtakes and overtime,
since the huge expense doesn't show up on the screen. Did it take Miss
May, for one desert scene, 50 attempts to get the right shot of big,
fat, patient-looking vultures flopping down next to her stars? If it
did, it was worth it, because she got scene-stealing vulture behavior
in the end. ''No, no, no - not dead, just resting!'' Lyle angrily
tells them, while Chuck voices some memorable disbelief at the way
these birds do business. Miss May has a way of letting the same basic
attitudes carry over to anyone, feathered or otherwise, anywhere."

This is the version of this scene that I saw, and this was reported in
the NY Times when that still meant something.

It's interesting, overall it was a reasonable review, so the piling on
about "worst movie ever made" must have started elsewhere. Later the
Times clearly joined in the chorus.


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Thursday, April 06, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] People think all I do is complain...

I only complain when there is something to complain about, which is a
lot. but when something good happens, I can pretend to be happy as
well as anybody else.

For example, I recently had to resort to PayPal's online help. Boy
were they good. I pretended to be happy to fill out their survey. A
couple of questions and answers:

"What one thing could PayPal do to improve its customer service?"
I can't think of a single way. well, maybe perhaps a little humor as
in "hey, that's such a stupid question, are you the result of an alien
breeding experiment with a three toed sloth? but seriously customer, I
don't care what all the other paypal answerers say, I think your
swell. " but some people might not like that, so just stick to the
very quick, very courteous and very helpful responses, like the one
you gave me.

"Please tell us one thing that the representative did especially well."
I wasn't sure how to use the online forms. I wasn't sure I selected
the right topics. and I'm not sure I described the problem well. the
representative figured out exactly what my problem was, and told me
exactly what I needed to do to solve it, and much sooner than I
expected.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Television

my immersion in TV continues. My God.

First Will and Grace? This show is supposed to be gay friendly? One
gay character is a ridiculous clown who does far gays what all of
Minstrelsy did for blacks. The other gay character, who is in the
title, was a total asswipe. It's a good thing the show is gay
positive; any less positive and they'd be beating the hell out of them
and then hanging them on barbed wire fence in Texas to die.

Next was a double shot of "My Name Is Earl." It does exceeds
Minstrelsy for defamation, in this case, the rustic element. It was
so unspeakably vile, for once I can't go on talking about it.

And the stuff on all the other available channels didn't look any better.

I flew to the electronic arms of my computer for solace. I left my
wife with her broken leg to struggle out of the room as she best
could.

I am indeed glad that I've been watching more TV (thanks Mike, if you
are reading this). I had no idea how totally dire the situation is.
Somebody that votes 50 times a show on American Idol must be happy as
a pig in shit (a very apt metaphor) but for the small minority that
still have cognitive function, it's hell.

In fact, I believe that this is all part of Dubya's plot... the
pathetic remnent that still believes in civil society, the rule of
law, logic, reason, fairness and other chimeras, will be forced to
yield, begging for Dubya's buddies in China and the UAE to come in and
take over, and just fucking stop this excrement from flowing out of
our TVs through our eyes and ears, and into our brains. It is an
insidious plan, and diabolical in it's cleverness. Never mind, it
can't be Dubya, it must be Cheney.

and now, for another perspective, from a guy who doesn't hate TV, he
loves it (but please note, he agrees with my wife and me about Gray's
Anatomy - did I not call out about that show being a piece of shit
before Humpy did?)...

I Love TV
Faster, TV Set... Kill! Kill!

BY WM.™ STEVEN HUMPHREY

Though my reputation may lead you to believe otherwise, I do not wish
"death" upon anyone. Okay, maybe I do wish death upon Dr. Phil—but
C'MON! That balding, pear-shaped dickhole is a blight upon humankind,
and needs to have his head shoved into the bottom of a
gastrointestinally challenged donkey. But hey! I'm not a cruel
man—that's why I would sympathetically and quickly end his life with a
jalapeño enema. Does anyone have a fire hose?

Oh, don't you DARE look at me like I'm a jerk! If you've been watching
the hit show 24 lately (Fox, Mondays, 9 pm), then you know they've
been killing off our fave characters with the gusto of a fat kid
guzzling a can of Hershey's syrup. They've already killed poor
President Palmer and hottie former CTU agent Michelle Dessler. And in
recent weeks, terrorists have gassed most of the CTU staff out of
existence, including chubby comic relief Edgar, and annoying bossman
Lynn McGill. But the most shocking death was stud-monkey and former I
Love Television™ "TV Character of the Year," Tony Almeida (Carlos
Bernard), who was unceremoniously stabbed by that prick Peter Weller
(in his best role since RoboCop).

Why the wholesale slaughter? According to 24's exec producer Howard
Gordon in TV Guide, "You run out of road with a character and then
boom, you've got to clean house. Even our regulars are not immune."
THANK YOU, HOWARD GORDON. He knows that TV shows eventually run out of
creative juice because producers are too chickenshit to do the right
thing and kill off major (and boring) characters. In fact, I can think
of a pantload of characters that need to be killed—and the sooner the
better! For example...

• Marissa on The O.C. (Fox, Thursdays, 9 pm). This walking case of
postnasal drip has been inadvertently destroying lives on The O.C.
since the get-go—and still? Everyone acts like it's not her fault that
Ryan keeps getting into trouble, and surfer Johnny was crippled and
then hopped off a cliff! O.C. producers: MURDER MARISSA COOPER—BEFORE
SHE KILLS AGAIN!

• The entire cast of Grey's Anatomy (ABC, Sundays, 10 pm). What do
people see in this show?!? Anytime these characters open their stupid
mouths, I want to stick a pencil in my eye! And so... they must be
stopped! (Maybe 24 can lend the Anatomy producers some of that poison
gas?)

• BJ and Tyler from The Amazing Race (CBS, Tuesdays, 10 pm). Okay, so
they're not actual "TV characters"—but they are HIPPIES. And I fawking
HATE hippies! You can almost smell the patchouli whenever these two
longhaired, dope-huffing, Burning Man burnouts make an onscreen
appearance. To the producers of The Amazing Race: I will happily help
you guys lure these stinky hippies into some sort of unfortunate
"accident." In fact, I'll even provide the gastrointestinally
challenged donkey! recommended


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: We still looking to add some more shares at this point

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Matt Love <matt.mattlove1@gmail.com>
Date: Apr 6, 2006 8:50 PM
Subject: Re: We still looking to add some more shares at this point
To: Edwina Carey <FStallings6@euphony.net>

Hey, Edwina, thanks for the excerpt from David Copperfield. I love
Charles Dickens. Could you send me more?

I think you might want to check out my band, Song Poet at
www.soundclick.com/SongPoet .

I think you will find that the music is somewhat reminiscent of
Dickens and his... well, his whole thing.

On 4/6/06, Edwina Carey < FStallings6@euphony.net> wrote:
>
>
>
> Murdstone and myself was; which I was glad of, for I could not bear
> How can you ask me anything so foolish? pouted Dora. Love a being warned to leave the ship; that my nurse was crying on a chest
> beholden to anyone; and that in return for all that is thrown at in more respects than the extraordinary one of his speaking the
> ours. We considered it conducive to the happiness of all parties brisk, sudden manner, and a little short, spruce way of adjusting


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Monday, April 03, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: [canadianclassicrock] Walmart Scam

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: greg simpson <gregsimpson2001@rogers.com>
Date: Apr 3, 2006 6:04 AM
Subject: [canadianclassicrock] Walmart Scam
To: canadianclassicrock@yahoogroups.com, netaylor@gtn.net, Brian
Mortimer <bmortimer@rogers.com>

I don't know how many of you shop at Wal-Mart, but this may be useful to know.

I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to

me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

Here's how the scam works:

Two good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are
packing your shopping bags in the trunk.

They both start wiping your window with a rag and Windex, with skimpy
t-shirts on. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead
ask you for a ride to another Wal-Mart. You agree and they get in the
back seat.

On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them
climbs over into the front seat and has her way with you, while the
other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, twice on
Friday, and again on Saturday.

BE CAREFUL!!!!!!

Greg Simpson
504-470 Dundas St
London, ON
N6B 1W3
519-432-5317

Visit our website at www.mindbenders.ca

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Patti LaBelle

Patti LaBelle obviously hasn't been paying attention for the last six years. What you are supposed to do is whine that "this is a hard job," but then turn around and boast that this is the best show you've ever seen, and you are lucky to be there, and you must be some kind of deviant if you don't think so.

90% of the audience will agree with you at first. by the end, only a third will, but what do you care you got your money.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Luke Pascall <lukepascall@rogers.com>
Date: Mar 28, 2006 5:57 PM
Subject: [canadianclassicrock] Patti LaBelle
To: canadianclassicrock@yahoogroups.com

 Mon, Mar. 27, 2006
 
Singer Patti LaBelle weeps on stage
Associated Press
 
RIVIERA BEACH, Fla. - Rhythm-and-blues diva Patti LaBelle struggled through a weekend show after taking the stage at midnight, at one point sitting down and crying.
 
"I've never been this embarrassed in my life," LaBelle told the crowd Saturday at the Riviera Beach Jazz and Blues Festival. "This sucks. It's the worst show I've ever done in my life."
 
As temperatures dipped into the low 50s, LaBelle explained that she's nearly 62 and has diabetes and a heart murmur, and the cold weather simply wasn't agreeing with her.
 
The Grammy-winning singer tried to belt out a few notes, then told fans huddled under blankets that she understood if they walked out on her.
 
A steady stream of people left the show during her 45 minutes on stage after having waited hours through opening acts.
 
"I've never ever given you less than I can give. I'm gonna give you everything you deserve," she said.
 
LaBelle struggled through "Lady Marmalade" with assistance from a few in the crowd, sang some gospel songs and "On My Own" before retreating.


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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] The Stranger's Spectacularly Bad Taste (and Timing)

In last week's issue of The Stranger (a free Seattle rag) still
available for pick up around town, they ran one of their "NEW
COLUMN(s)" - a "Kaption Kontest! Below is a cartoon by Danny Hellmann,
which is in need of a caption. Have a look, consult your brain, and
send your..."

The cartoon depicted a man holding a handgun, spattered with blood,
with the bloody corpses of his victims in the living room that
provides the background.

I would have included the cartoon (which I would snag off their
website) but they already took it down:

"We're Sorry!
The page you're looking for does not seem to exist.

As you have undoubtedly noticed, we've been doing some shuffling
around here and the page you're looking for seems to have gone
missing. Please use the search field below to find what you're looking
for."

If you don't live in Seattle, you may not know the inescapable story
all week is that last Saturday night a man opened fire on party goers
in a living room in a house in Capitol Hill, massacring several
people.

The cartoon was in astonishingly bad taste on its own, in the next
context it was thrust into, it was completely beyond...

I don't have anything against bad taste, I'm a user and dealer myself.
I don't understand why hipsters adore the Stranger and revile me, but
what can you do?

The editors of The Stranger demonstrated that they don't even have the
courage of their own (sick) convictions by taking the picture down. I
suppose they've even cancelled the contest. It's a shame, the caption
I came up with for it was a killer.


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Monday, March 27, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Re: [MIDIChat] Scary Theme

sorry, didn't scare me as much as  4 more years of republicans - now that scares the shit out of me.  I can only hope that voters just say no to Dick Cheney, Jeb Bush, Bob McCain, Condolleezza Rice, and any other right wing thug or pirate that's thinking about running. And the Supreme Court and the people that make the voting machines let us have the person we vote for.

BTW, was it this list where I said that there was something wrong with anybody who didn't think they could do a better job than the current regime in dealing with disasters, and there was a massive response from people eager to say that they indeed are less competent (and who wanted me to lie and say the same thing about myself)?

Well, it it was - how do you feel about it now?  Do you still want people to think you are so stupid and incompetent?

On 3/10/06, Bob < rasrealtor@comcast.net> wrote:

If you need to exercise some facial muscles, I give you the link below.
<Stan: Take a deep breath before viewing. Then buckle up.>



If this doesn't scare you...nothing will.  Click below. 
 
 



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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] horrible horrible tv

I will never forget Mike Mitchell recommending watching more TV, to
get in touch with the psyche of the American people. I'm sure he
thought it would make me a better American.

Not due to his recommendation, but due to circumstances beyond my
control, I am around TV a lot these days.

It has been an educational experience for me. I am now in touch with
the American psyche, and I am deeply, deeply afraid. What a bunch of
sick fucks the American people are.

Suffering the some Jim Belushi abortion, and the brain eating zombies
of Hope and Grace, I can say with certainty that there will be a big
improvement when the Chinese are running things and they outlaw all
his horrible shit.

It is true that they will probably also take away my pornography,
which is good and true and honest (unlike the sewage that spews out of
network TV) but you have to take the bad with the good.

A country that produces TV this bad is incapable of balancing budgets,
acting intelligently in foreign affairs, saving drowning people,
keeping jobs from going overseas, providing medical care for the sick
and elderly, running their own ports, responding to climate change.

It's all over, folks. It's been a nice ride.


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Thursday, March 16, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Celebrity News You Can Use

Britney Spears is reportedly white hot with anger at Jessica Simpson
for displacing her as "America's Favorite Skank."

"First Simpson stole the coveted role of Daisy Duke in the Dukes of
Hazzard movie, even after some incredible gymnastics on the casting
couch by Britney," confided a gal pal of the former teen sensation,
"and then she stole an invitation to a Republican fundraiser that
Britney would have given her left tit to attend!"

Britney has been prostituting herself for the republican party since
before she was old enough to vote, so she was stunned and saddened to
hear the invitation went out to Simpson, who showed her Al-Quida
sympathies by turning them down.

"But the final blow came when Brit contacted a member of the Bush
staff and swallowed her pride (and other things) and offered to step
in for Simpson," our source continued. "She was again humiliated with
it leaked that Bush said 'that little tramp is more 5 minutes ago than
a used tampon!"

To patch up differences with the trailer park crowd, the Vice
President has offered to go quail hunting with Spears.


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[CanYoAssDigIt] Re: [Bizarro_UltraZine] Georgia Senate Defeats Jane Fonda Resolution

These people are pathetic. Unlike Dubya the coward, Jane Fonda went to Vietnam. 

The chickenhawks that didn't go are trying to criminalize (40 years after the fact) the patriots that went, but came to the "wrong" conclusions:

* Military Jailing Vietnam War Resisters 40 Years After They Refused to
Serve *

Concerned about growing desertion and resistance within the military, the
U.S. government is arresting men who refused to fight a generation ago in
the Vietnam War. We speak with Ernest "Buck" McQueen, a Vietnam War resister
who was jailed in January for desertion, 40 years after he left the Marines
and his attorney, Tod Ensign who is the director of GI advocacy group,
Citizen Soldier.

Listen/Watch/Read
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/03/15/159201



On 3/16/06, kdhaisch@aol.com < kdhaisch@aol.com> wrote:
Georgia Senate Defeats Jane Fonda Resolution
 
Haunted by Legend of  "Hanoi Jane"
 

ATLANTA (March 16) - Jane Fonda's 1972 trip to North Vietnam is haunting her again. The Georgia Senate on Thursday nearly unanimously defeated a resolution that would have honored the actress' charity work in the state.

The effort was defeated 38-1, with even Miles voting against it.

Jeff Christensen, AP
The Georgia Senate voted 38 to 1 to defeat a resolution that would have honored Jane Fonda's charity work in the state.

More Coverage:
· Fonda's Films | 140 Photos

Talk About It: Post Thoughts

 

The resolution cited the Atlanta resident's work as founder of the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, donations to universities and charities, and role as goodwill ambassador for the United Nations.

But Fonda's political activities protesting the Vietnam War, including a trip to North Vietnam in 1972, have long made her a target of veterans.

"I can think of no living American who is less worthy of this honor," Republican Sen. John Douglas declared. "She is as guilty of treason as Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose."

 

03/16/06 13:39 EST

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press
 



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[CanYoAssDigIt] Fwd: [canadianclassicrock] Mitch Ryder,Martha Reeves.The Knack and Kato Kaelin



---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter Jermyn < peterjermyn@gmail.com>
Date: Mar 16, 2006 9:56 AM
Subject: [canadianclassicrock] <itch Ryder,Martha Reeves.The Knack and Kato Kaelin
To: canadianclassicrock@yahoogroups.com

 
Mitch Ryder

Mitch Ryder And The Detroit Wheels

Availability Status: Video Greeting Cards
 
Martha Reeves

Martha Reeves And The Vandellas, Standing in the Shadows of Motown (2002), Marvin Gaye: The E! True Hollywood Story, Motown Returns to the Apollo, Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever, Legendary Singer Of Smash Hits Like Heat Wave, Dancing in the Street, Quicksand, Come See About Me

Availability Status: Video Greeting Cards and Phone Appearances

 

 
Doug Fieger

The Knack (Lead Vocals, Rhythm Guitar), Writer Of The Smash Hit "My Sharona"

Availability Status: Live Calls

 

 
Kato Kaelin

E!'s Talk Soup, Up All Night, You'll Never Wiez in This Town Again, BASEketball, Cyborg 3: The Recycler, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Weakest Link, Dog Eat Dog, Mad TV, The Watcher, The Norm Show, Fatal Kiss, America's Favorite Houseguest

Availability Status: Unavailable Today


 


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[CanYoAssDigIt] President Jonah

Gore Vidal believes, as I have theorized, that the hurricane that
devastated Louisiana was sent by Jehovah to us because President J.
Jonah Bush has fallen out of favor with him.

It's a very rough form of justice, and if the Easter Bunny were the
grand poobah (or should I say pookah) instead of a minor deity in a
chaotic cosmology, he would run things in a more orderly fashion.

In the mean time, we are stuck with the current system. It is good
that we have keen thinkers like Gore Vidal to help us navigate through
it. I would like to note that the Orthodox Mystic Knights of the
Easter Bunny has no quarrel with science, logic, and rationality, the
three arch enemies of the Klan of the Kave Monkey Boy.

Vidal is a supreme literary stylist:

"...An International Monetary Fund report of 2004 concluded
that the United States was 'careening toward insolvency.'

Meanwhile, China, our favorite big-time future enemy, is the number
one for worldwide foreign investments, with France, the bete noire of
our apish neocons, in second place. Well, we still have Kraft cheese
and, of course, the death penalty."

I herebye appoint Gore Vidal as one of the 13 Popes of the Orthodox
Mystic Knights of the Easter Bunny. Congradulations, Pope Vidal!

President Jonah
by GORE VIDAL

While contemplating the ill-starred presidency of G.W. Bush, I looked
about for some sort of divine analogy. As usual, when in need of
enlightenment, I fell upon the Holy Bible, authorized King James
version of 1611; turning by chance to the Book of Jonah, I read that
Jonah, who, like Bush, chats with God, had suffered a falling out
with the Almighty and thus became a jinx dogged by luck so bad that a
cruise liner, thanks to his presence aboard, was about to sink in a
storm at sea. Once the crew had determined that Jonah, a passenger,
was the jinx, they threw him overboard and--Lo!--the storm abated.
The three days and nights he subsequently spent in the belly of a
nauseous whale must have seemed like a serious jinx to the digestion-
challenged whale who extruded him much as the decent opinion of
mankind has done to Bush.

Originally, God wanted Jonah to give hell to Nineveh, whose people,
God noted disdainfully, "cannot discern between their right hand and
their left hand," so like the people of Baghdad who cannot fathom
what democracy has to do with their destruction by the Cheney-Bush
cabal. But the analogy becomes eerily precise when it comes to the
hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico at a time when a president is not
only incompetent but plainly jinxed by whatever faith he cringes
before. Witness the ongoing screw-up of prescription drugs.

Who knows what other disasters are in store for us thanks to the
curse he is under? As the sailors fed the original Jonah to a whale,
thus lifting the storm that was about to drown them, perhaps we the
people can persuade President Jonah to retire to his other Eden in
Crawford, Texas, taking his jinx with him. We deserve a rest.
Plainly, so does he. Look at Nixon's radiant features after his
resignation! One can see former President Jonah in his sumptuous
library happily catering to faith-based fans with animated scriptures
rooted in "The Simpsons."

Not since the glory days of Watergate and Nixon's Luciferian fall has
there been so much written about the dogged deceits and creative
criminalities of our rulers. We have also come to a point in this
dark age where there is not only no hero in view but no alternative
road unblocked. We are trapped terribly in a now that few foresaw and
even fewer can define despite a swarm of books and pamphlets like the
vast cloud of locusts which dined on China in that '30s movie "The
Good Earth."

I have read many of these descriptions of our fallen estate, looking
for one that best describes in plain English how we got to this now
and where we appear to be headed once our good Earth has been
consumed and only Rapture is left to whisk aloft the Faithful.
Meanwhile, the rest of us can learn quite a lot from "Dark Ages
America: The Final Phase of Empire," by Morris Berman, a professor of
sociology at the Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C.

I must confess that I have a proprietary interest in anyone who
refers to the United States as an empire since I am credited with
first putting forward this heretical view in the early '70s. In fact,
so disgusted with me was a book reviewer at Time magazine that as
proof of my madness he wrote: "He actually refers to the United
States as an empire!" It should be noted that at about the same time
Henry Luce, proprietor of Time, was booming on and on about "The
American Century." What a difference a word makes!

Berman sets his scene briskly in recent history.

"We were already in our twilight phase when Ronald Reagan, with all
the insight of an ostrich, declared it to be 'morning in America';
twenty-odd years later, under the 'boy emperor' George W. Bush (as
Chalmers Johnson refers to him), we have entered the Dark Ages in
earnest, pursuing a short-sighted path that can only accelerate our
decline. For what we are now seeing are the obvious characteristics
of the West after the fall of Rome: the triumph of religion over
reason; the atrophy of education and critical thinking; the
integration of religion, the state, and the apparatus of torture--a
troika that was for Voltaire the central horror of the pre-
Enlightenment world; and the political and economic marginalization
of our culture.... The British historian Charles Freeman published an
extended discussion of the transition that took place during the late
Roman empire, the title of which could serve as a capsule summary of
our current president: "The Closing of the Western Mind."

"Mr. Bush, God knows, is no Augustine; but Freeman points to the
latter as the epitome of a more general process that was underway in
the fourth century: namely, 'the gradual subjection of reason to
faith and authority.' This is what we are seeing today, and it is a
process that no society can undergo and still remain free. Yet it is
a process of which administration officials, along with much of the
American population, are aggressively proud."

In fact, close observers of this odd presidency note that Bush, like
his evangelical base, believes he is on a mission from God and that
faith trumps empirical evidence. Berman quotes a senior White House
adviser who disdains what he calls the "reality-based" community, to
which Berman sensibly responds: "If a nation is unable to perceive
reality correctly, and persists in operating on the basis of faith-
based delusions, its ability to hold its own in the world is pretty
much foreclosed."

Berman does a brief tour of the American horizon, revealing a
cultural death valley. In secondary schools where evolution can still
be taught too many teachers are afraid to bring up the subject to
their so often un-evolved students.

"Add to this the pervasive hostility toward science on the part of
the current administration (e.g. stem-cell research) and we get a
clear picture of the Enlightenment being steadily rolled back.
Religion is used to explain terror attacks as part of a cosmic
conflict between Good and Evil rather than in terms of political
processes.... Manichaeanism rules across the United States. According
to a poll taken by Time magazine fifty-nine percent of Americans
believe that John's apocalyptic prophecies in the Book of Revelation
will be fulfilled, and nearly all of these believe that the faithful
will be taken up into heaven in the 'Rapture.'

"Finally, we shouldn't be surprised at the antipathy toward democracy
displayed by the Bush administration.... As already noted,
fundamentalism and democracy are completely antithetical. The
opposite of the Enlightenment, of course, is tribalism, groupthink;
and more and more, this is the direction in which the United States
is going...Anthony Lewis who worked as a columnist for the New York
Times for thirty-two years, observes that what has happened in the
wake of 9/11 is not just the threatening of the rights of a few
detainees, but the undermining of the very foundation of democracy.
Detention without trial, denial of access to attorneys, years of
interrogation in isolation--these are now standard American practice,
and most Americans don't care. Nor did they care about the revelation
in July 2004 (reported in Newsweek), that for several months the
White House and the Department of Justice had been discussing the
feasibility of canceling the upcoming presidential election in the
event of a possible terrorist attack."

I suspect that the technologically inclined prevailed against that
extreme measure on the ground that the newly installed electronic
ballot machines could be so calibrated that Bush would win handily no
matter what. [Read Rep. Conyers' report (pfd) on the rigging of
Ohio's vote.]

Meanwhile, the indoctrination of the people merrily continues. "In
a 'State of the First Amendment Survey' conducted by the University
of Connecticut in 2003, 34 percent of Americans polled said the First
Amendment 'goes too far'; 46 percent said there was too much freedom
of the press; 28 percent felt that newspapers should not be able to
publish articles without prior approval of the government; 31 percent
wanted public protest of a war to be outlawed during that war; and 50
percent thought the government should have the right to infringe on
the religious freedom of 'certain religious groups' in the name of
the war on terror."

It is usual in sad reports like Professor Berman's to stop abruptly
the litany of what has gone wrong and then declare, hand on heart,
that once the people have been informed of what is happening, the
truth will set them free and a quarter-billion candles will be lit
and the darkness will flee in the presence of so much spontaneous
light. But Berman is much too serious for the easy platitude. Instead
he tells us that those who might have struck at least a match can no
longer do so because shared information about our situation is meager
to nonexistent. Would better schools help?

Of course, but, according to that joyous bearer of ill tidings, the
New York Times, many school districts are now making sobriety tests a
regular feature of the school day: apparently opium derivatives are
the opiate of our stoned youth.

Meanwhile, millions of adult Americans, presumably undrugged, have no
idea who our enemies were in World War II. Many college graduates
don't know the difference between an argument and an assertion (did
their teachers also fail to solve this knotty question?). A travel
agent in Arizona is often asked whether or not it is cheaper to take
the train rather than fly to Hawaii. Only 12% of Americans own a
passport. At the time of the 2004 presidential election 42% of voters
believed that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11. One high school
boy, when asked who won the Civil War, replied wearily, "I don't know
and I don't care," echoing a busy neocon who confessed proudly: "The
American Civil War is as remote to me as the War of the Roses."

We are assured daily by advertisers and/or politicians that we are
the richest, most envied people on Earth and, apparently, that is why
so many awful, ill-groomed people want to blow us up. We live in an
impermeable bubble without the sort of information that people living
in real countries have access to when it comes to their own reality.
But we are not actually people in the eyes of the national ownership:
we are simply unreliable consumers comprising an overworked,
underpaid labor force not in the best of health: The World Health
Organization rates our healthcare system (sic--or sick?) as 37th-best
in the world, far behind even Saudi Arabia, role model for the
Texans. Our infant mortality rate is satisfyingly high, precluding a
First World educational system.

Also, it has not gone unremarked even in our usually information-free
media that despite the boost to the profits of such companies as
Halliburton, Bush's wars of aggression against small countries of no
danger to us have left us well and truly broke. Our annual trade
deficit is a half-trillion dollars, which means that we don't produce
much of anything the world wants except those wan reports on how
popular our Entertainment is overseas.

Unfortunately the foreign gross of "King Kong," the Edsel of that
assembly line, is not yet known. It is rumored that Bollywood--the
Indian film business--may soon surpass us! Berman writes, "We have
lost our edge in science to Europe...The US economy is being kept
afloat by huge foreign loans ($4 billion a day during 2003). What do
you think will happen when America's creditors decide to pull the
plug, or when OPEC members begin selling oil in euros instead of
dollars?...An International Monetary Fund report of 2004 concluded
that the United States was 'careening toward insolvency.' "

Meanwhile, China, our favorite big-time future enemy, is the number
one for worldwide foreign investments, with France, the bete noire of
our apish neocons, in second place. Well, we still have Kraft cheese
and, of course, the death penalty.

Berman makes the case that the Bretton-Woods agreement of 1944
institutionalized a system geared toward full employment and the
maintenance of a social safety net for society's less fortunate--the
so-called welfare or interventionist state. It did this by
establishing fixed but flexible exchange rates among world
currencies, which were pegged to the U.S. dollar while the dollar,
for its part, was pegged to gold. In a word, Bretton-Woods saved
capitalism by making it more human. Nixon abandoned the agreement in
1971, which started, according to Berman, huge amounts of capital
moving upward from the poor and the middle class to the rich and
super-rich.

Mr. Berman spares us the happy ending, as, apparently, has history.
When the admirable Tiberius (he has had an undeserved bad press),
upon becoming emperor, received a message from the Senate in which
the conscript fathers assured him that whatever legislation he wanted
would be automatically passed by them, he sent back word that this
was outrageous. "Suppose the emperor is ill or mad or incompetent?"
He returned their message. They sent it again. His response: "How
eager you are to be slaves."

I often think of that wise emperor when I hear Republican members of
Congress extolling the wisdom of Bush. Now that he has been caught
illegally wiretapping fellow citizens he has taken to snarling about
his powers as "a wartime president," and so, in his own mind, he is
above each and every law of the land. Oddly, no one in Congress has
pointed out that he may well be a lunatic dreaming that he is another
Lincoln but whatever he is or is not he is no wartime president.
There is no war with any other nation...yet. There is no state called
terror, an abstract noun like liar.

Certainly his illegal unilateral ravaging of Iraq may well seem like
a real war for those on both sides unlucky enough to be killed or
wounded, but that does not make it a war any more than the appearance
of having been elected twice to the presidency does not mean that in
due course the people will demand an investigation of those two
irregular processes. Although he has done a number of things that
under the old republic might have got him impeached, our current
system protects him: incumbency-for-life seats have made it possible
for a Republican majority in the House not to do its duty and impeach
him for his incompetence in handling, say, the natural disaster that
befell Louisiana.

The founders thought two-year terms for members of the House was as
much democracy as we'd ever need. Therefore, there was no great
movement to have some sort of recall legislation in the event that a
president wasn't up to his job and so had lost the people's
confidence between elections. But in time, as Ecclesiastes would say,
all things shall come to pass and so, in a kindly way, a majority of
the citizens must persuade him that he will be happier back in
Crawford pruning Bushes of the leafy sort while the troops not killed
or maimed will settle for simply being alive and in one piece. We may
be slaves but we are not unreasonable.

One way that a majority of citizens can help open the road back to
Crawford is by heeding the call of a group called the World Can't
Wait. They believe that the agenda for 2006 must not be set by the
Bush gang but by the people taking independent mass political action.

On Jan. 31, the night of Bush's next State of the Union address, they
have called for people in large cities and small towns all across the
country to join in noisy rallies to make the demand that "Bush Step
Down" the message of the day. At 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, just
as Bush starts to speak, people can make a joyful noise and
figuratively drown out his address. Then on the following Saturday,
Feb. 4, converge in front of the White House with the same message:
Please step down and take your program with you.

Novelist, playwright and essayist Gore Vidal is a contributing editor
to The Nation. Visit Truthdig.com to read the essay in its original
context or listen to an audio file of Vidal reading the entire piece.


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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt]Fwd: Penthouse Forum™ Letter

From: Ignatius P. Valiant <ignatiuspvaliant@gmail.com>
Date: Mar 15, 2006 6:46 PM
Subject: Penthouse Forum™ Letter
To: CanYoAssDigIt@yahoogroups.com

Dear Editor

I never thought I'd be writing to Penthouse Forum™, but then, I never
thought I would have an experience like I had last weekend. I just had
to share it with you.

It all started on Saturday afternoon when I took the dogs out for a
walk.I decided to walk them on a trail popular with yuppie fitness
aficionados. The babe factor is always pretty high there, I've been
told. It was unusually warm for this time of the year, so I dressed in
shorts and tank top to best display my considerable physical charms.

I couldn't believe my luck when I espied a couple of self-propelled
honeys riding their bicycles up the trail towards me. They were
blonde, appeared to be in their mid-twenties, and they were so good
looking they could have been Penthouse Pets™!

As they approached, I could see the taut nipples on their ample jugs
straining against the sheer fabric of their halters. I experienced
tumescence in my Bermudas.

Having read Penthouse Forum™ for years, I knew exactly what to do in
this situation. I licked my lips and smiled seductively, putting on
my best bedroom eyes.

"Hi" they said pleasantly as they rode past me.

I couldn't believe it! Nothing I ever read in Penthouse Forum™
prepared me for this. I guess I may have lost my composure a little
bit. I remember shrieking "BITCHES" and "HOS" after them, and chucking
a couple of rocks in their general direction.

Imagine the surprise I experienced when I emerged from the trail and
saw a couple of police officers standing near my vintage Ford Pinto.

In the ensuing mêlée, a couple of officers got dog bitten, and I
remember the pasty face of one of the cops may have struck my fist.

When my parents came down to the police station and were told what
happened, they took the dogs home, but left me here.

So I am writing from my cell to ask you if you could possibly send
bail to get me out of here. I've always relied on Penthouse Forum™ in
the past, I'm sure you won't let me down now!


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[CanYoAssDigIt] thank god they are arresting these terrorists

I can think of nothing that scares me more than pensioners who
resisted a criminal "police action" 40 years ago running loose on the
streets. I am so glad that our government is doing the right thing.

* Military Jailing Vietnam War Resisters 40 Years After They Refused to
Serve *

Concerned about growing desertion and resistance within the military, the
U.S. government is arresting men who refused to fight a generation ago in
the Vietnam War. We speak with Ernest "Buck" McQueen, a Vietnam War resister
who was jailed in January for desertion, 40 years after he left the Marines
and his attorney, Tod Ensign who is the director of GI advocacy group,
Citizen Soldier.

Listen/Watch/Read
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/03/15/159201


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Sunday, March 12, 2006

[CanYoAssDigIt] Bush's New Critics

tell me about it!

Bush's New Critics

Paul Krugman - March 10, 2006

Paul Krugman addresses conservative commentators who are now criticizing Bush:
 
Bruce Bartlett, the author of "Impostor: How George W. Bush Bankrupted America and Betrayed the Reagan Legacy," is an angry man. At a recent book forum at the Cato Institute, he declared that the Bush administration is "unconscionable," "irresponsible," "vindictive" and "inept." It's no wonder, then, that one commentator wrote of Mr. Bartlett that "if he were a cartoon character, he would probably look like Donald Duck during one of his famous tirades, with steam pouring out of his ears."
 
Oh, wait. That's not what somebody wrote about Mr. Bartlett. It's what
Mr. Bartlett wrote about me in September 2003, when I was saying pretty much what he's saying now. Human nature being what it is, I don't expect Mr. Bartlett to acknowledge his about-face. Nor do I expect any expressions of remorse from Andrew Sullivan, the conservative Time.com blogger who also spoke at the Cato forum.
 
Mr. Sullivan used to specialize in denouncing the patriotism and character of anyone who dared to criticize President Bush, whom he lionized . Now he himself has become a critic, not just of Mr. Bush's policies, but of his personal qualities, too.
 
Never mind; better late than never. We should welcome the recent epiphanies by conservative commentators... But we should guard against a conventional wisdom that seems to be taking hold in some quarters, which says there's something praiseworthy about having initially been taken in by Mr. Bush's deceptions, even though the administration's mendacity was obvious from the beginning.
 
According to this view, if you're a former Bush supporter who now says, as
Mr. Bartlett did at the Cato event, that "the administration lies about budget numbers," you're a brave truth-teller. But if you've been saying that since the early days of the Bush administration, you were unpleasantly shrill.
 
Similarly, if you're a former worshipful admirer of George W. Bush who now says, as Mr. Sullivan did at Cato, that "the people in this administration have no principles," you're taking a courageous stand. If you said the same thing back when Mr. Bush had an 80 percent approval rating, you were blinded by Bush-hatred.
 
And if you're a former hawk who now concedes that the administration exaggerated the threat from Iraq , you're to be applauded for your open-mindedness. But if you warned three years ago that the administration was hyping the case for war, you were a conspiracy theorist.
 
The truth is that everything the new wave of Bush critics has to say was obvious long ago to any commentator who was willing to look at the facts . ... The point is that pundits who failed to notice the administration's mendacity a long time ago either weren't doing their homework, or deliberately turned a blind eye to the evidence.
But as I said, better late than never. Born-again Bush-bashers like Mr. Bartlett and Mr. Sullivan, however churlish, are intellectually and morally superior to the Bushist dead-enders who still insist that Saddam was allied with Al Qaeda, and will soon be claiming that we lost the war in Iraq because the liberal media stabbed the troops in the back.
And reporters understandably consider it newsworthy that some conservative voices are now echoing longstanding liberal critiques of the Bush administration .
It's still fair, however, to ask people like Mr. Bartlett the obvious question: What took you so long?
Were they all "initially ... taken in by Mr. Bush's deceptions"?
 
No nation could preserve its freedom
in the midst of continual warfare.
~James Madison~





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