A modest proposal

The Pope has been in the news a lot lately. I've taken the opportunity
to study up this diaper-wearing mullah's weird little cult and have
been shocked, shocked I tell you, by what I've learned.

Did you know that if you work for the Pope, he gets to control your
sex life? And women are forced to wear rags on their heads. These
enslaved eunich-women (they call them "Nones" - which is a description
of their freedoms) must do whatever the Pope tells them. Fortunately
this randy old goat (who is a close friend of both Saddam Houssein and
Osama Bin Laden - and did I mention Hitler and Satan?) is in very ill
health, and is unable to follow up on any wayward thoughts he might
have (and I'll bet he has a lot of them).

The Pope's sect is a threat to US national security. The Pope (rumored
to be a French speaker, and a man who enjoys tasty little strips of
friend potatoes while refusing to call them "freedom fries") speaks
out frequently against the main export commonity of the United States
(which is war).

Furthermore, various unspeakable acts inside the cult have been
confirmed in court case after court case.

Friends, the conclusion is obvious. While he has no oil, he controls a
lot of other resources that would be better off in the hands of the
champions of democracy - paintings, sculpture, manuscripts, and lots
and lots of gold.

Invasion. That is the only answer. Assassination isn't sufficient. It
didn't work when they sent in Robert Blake to kill him in 1981. This
is too important to leave in the hands of TV actors, no matter how
tough the characters they play are.