I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] Re: [Leslie_Morris_Online] The Best of Both Worlds

Leslie Morris is a savior.

I am leaving the Church of Ed Wood and joining the Church of Leslie
Morris because Leslie Morris has a proven record of salvation, and Ed
Wood doesn't. Also the Church of Ed Wood has censored every post I've
ever tried to post on their list, and I can post anything I want on
the Leslie Morris list.

Dog farts.

See what I mean?

All hail the new Savior!
--
If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a
human face - forever. - George Orwell

www.soundclick.com/SongPoet
Boot Music for Face People

On 9/11/05, Leslie Morris <dr_spider_man@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I saved a man¡¦s life the other day and it feels kinda
> good.
> Saturday morning I ran into Eva in the corridor. She
> was all upset as Simon (her husband) was having an
> epileptic fit (ok it was either a fit or a seizor, he
> just seemed drunk or tired) and need to get to
> hospital. To make this a little complicated, he had a
> fit the pervious day. The doctors wanted him to say of
> another day. But he checked out early as he needed to
> go to work as they are poor English back packers. So
> Eva or Simon just didn¡¦t have enough money to call
> anther ambulance so (Weekend at Berine¡¦s style) we
> planed to get this coma induced man into a taxi.
> Luckily the hospital was only 5mins up the road.
>
> STEP 1:
> We needed to get him dressed as he was TOTALLY NAKED
> and sweaty and bleeding out of the nose.
>
> STEP 2:
> We (and when I say we, I mean I) needed to get him
> down a flight of stairs. He didn¡¦t want a go and he
> put up a bit of a fight and did I mention he was
> covered in sweat.
>
> STEP 3:
> Ok at this stage we¡¦re in the hallway at the front of
> the house. I got Karl to run up the road and call a
> taxi. It came right away then Karl mentioned that we
> need to take this guy to hospital. Karl turned around
> to open the front door and the taxi took off.
>
> STEP 4:
> Karl had to leave so I got Holly to get a taxi. He
> miss heard me and I just want him to go outside and
> tell us when to taxi got there.
>
> STEP 5:
> 10 minutes later I¡¦m running up the road to call a
> taxi.
>
> STEP 6:
> I ran legion taxis and the line was busy.
>
> STEP 7:
> I ran back down to the house to get the white pages.
>
> STEP 8:
> Called a taxi.
>
> STEP 9:
> I kept the taxi driving in delightful conversation so
> he wouldn¡¦t the catatonic guy in-between Eva and
> myself.
>
> STEP 10:
> We got to the hospital. At this stage Simon was coming
> around. I was tired so I just grabbed him like a piece
> of meat and ripped him from the back seat of the taxi
> and plonked him on the side walk. At this stage he
> demanded to know what was going on.
>
> STEP 11:
> We got him to the emergency ward. The doctors saw him.
>
> Then yesterday Eva told me that Simon actually had a
> life treating viral infected that was caused by the
> fit (she didn¡¦t go into to much detail, even if she
> did I doubt I would have understood) and he would have
> died if we didn¡¦t get him there when we did.
>
> And I have to say knowing that I¡¦ve help saved this
> guys life, is a very humbling, delightful and odd
> feeling.
>
>
> Ok on to another unrelated matter
>
> Today I was in the dock of the Burwood Westfeild I was
> with James. Now most of you won¡¦t know how bad docks
> smell. They smell a little better then your local tip.
> Sometimes they smell like fruit, but only sometimes.
> So we were dumping cardboard in the cardboard bailer.
> Some how we broke it and a nice non English speaking
> man was fixing it. Bord, like always: I dared James to
> lick this gross sign that was on the cardboard bailer.
> It had bits of brown and red goo had congealed on it.
> He refused. I said I¡¦ll give him a dollar. He
> refused. Lying I said ¡¦50 Dollars¡¦ and the bastard
> did it. Now what was I to do? This guy licked this
> sign!!! Given the choice between licking to sign and
> blowing off Michael Jackson the average people would
> go with Jackson. Sure he licked a non gross bit and it
> was more like a touch than I lick. So there was only
> one thing I could do. Not give him the 50 bucks and
> lick the sign myself. So I did. Not all this sign
> licking must have attached same ladies. James told me
> later than the girl behind us trying to start a
> conversation with us but I was too concerned on the
> sign licking incident to even notice them.
>
>
>
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