I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] High School, Happy Days, That 70s Show, etc.

The first time I did any fanzine stuff was when I was a student at
Central Washington University in Ellensburg, which was about 4 years
out of high school. That's when I met Klaus and we've been fighting
ever since. I also met Steve Streeter and John Elton. All virtually -
I've never met any of them face-to-face.

Anyway, by then I was married and had no desire to attract women. The
one that I had was giving me enough problems.

It's funny, all this talk about the 70s - I've seen "that 70s show" a
couple of times now... it was not as unrealistic as I had been lead to
believe. I knew people like that then - I didn't like spending time
with them then and I sure as hell don't want to waste any time on them
now.

However, I'm a guest at my dad's place, and so I get to watch what's
on while we're eating dinner (childhood rules about TV off while we
eat have been relaxed).

I made a mild observation about a threadbare plot device, saying "this
is just like Happy Days" and my sister said, voice dripping with
contempt and pity, "oh, it's a little different than that.":

Then she parked herself in the easy chair in front of the TV and tried
to outlaugh the retarded laugh track. They had that thing going on
almost every line the cast delivered. Anne says that's true 70s
style, but I don't remember.

I don't see how anybody could have taken offense. I know Happy Days
jumped the shark when Fonzie took over from Richie as the lead (I had
gotten out of the TV habit by then) but the early shows were rather
good, and "that 70s show made it look like Shakespeare by comparison.

Mike Mitchell thought I'd understand America better if I watch more
TV. I have been, and I think he's right. I think I do understand
America better, and it's deeply troubling. We are a nation of
intellectual and aesthetic retards. Sorry, that's harsh, but it has
to be said.

I don't know anybody else who remembers this, but thanks to the
Internet, you can prove things that everybody you know has forgotten.
You can find evidence that things that never happened did, too, but I
know this happened, I remembered it, and here's the proof - The pilot
for Happy Days was shown as an episode of "Love American Style."

As I recall, it was a rather sweet, realistic and high quality show,
unlike the sorry mess that "Happy Days" turned into, especially the
awful "Fonzi" character, played by that most Italian of all actors,
Henry Winkler.

From "Happy Days Online":

On February 25, 1972, an episode of Love, American Style entitled
"Love and the Happy Days" aired on ABC television. Garry Marshall had
produced a 1971 pilot called "New Family in Town" for ABC and after
they decided not to turn the pilot into a series, they decided to use
it as a Love, American Style episode. The episode starred (in
alphabetical order):

# Ric Carrott as Charles (Chuck)
# Harold Gould as Howard Cunningham
# Ronny Howard as Richie
# Susan Neher as Joanie
# Marion Ross as Marion
# Anson Williams as Potsie
# It was produced by Carl Kleinschmitt, written by Garry Marshall, and
directed by Gary Nelson.

The show opens up with Richie in his room and in a voiceover he talks
about his life being 16 and growing up in the 1950's. His father is in
the hardware business, his mother does volunteer work for the Red
Cross, his older brother is in college, and his sister wants to see an
orthodontist.

In the next scene, Richie walks Joanie home from piano lessons and he
announces they are the first family in the neighborhood to be getting
a television set. Potsie comes over and climbs through Richie's window
and they plan on studying Spanish. They discuss who is going to come
over the next night to watch the boxing match on television and Richie
thinks about asking Arlene Nestrock.

The next night at dinner (there is an exterior shot of a different
Cunningham house than the regular series), Charles (Chuck) says the
prayer. Later that night, Richie and Potsie meet Arlene and Corrine
Delaruso (who Potsie says has a mustache) at the local hangout and
talk and then dance. Richie then invites Arlene over to the house to
watch television after she blows in his ear. Potsie is disappointed to
learn that Richie's father is allowing each family member to invite
only one person.

The house is crowded that night as Howard's mother, Chuck's date, the
mailman that Joanie invited, Arlene, and numerous others show up.
Howard and company struggle to get a clear picture as they stand on a
chair with the rabbit-ear antenna to get a better picture.

Richie brings Arlene back to her apartment and he leans on the
doorbell buzzer and Arlene's mother comes to the door and then he
falls through the open door. Richie is disappointed to learn that
Arlene is going out with Eddie Bazinski and then he falls down the
stairs when leaving. Richie and Howard talk in his room later that
night and then Potsie comes over and brings a beer that he got from
Mulligan's bar where he had watched the fight. The episode concludes
in the early morning hours as Howard and Richie stand up in the living
room as "God Bless America" is played on the television set.

The episode co-starred Jackie Coogan as Uncle Harold, Peggy Rea as
Aunt Bessie, Virginia Gregg as Arlene's mother, Tanis Montgomery as
Arlene, Nellie Burt as Grandma, Ronda Copland as Teresa, Edmund
Cambridge as Mr. Dickerson (the mailman), and Sheila Jo Guthrie as
Corrine.

After the success of George Lucas' 1972 film, "American Graffiti"
(starring Ron Howard), the ABC programmers were looking to cash in on
the wave of 1950's nostalgia. ABC, remembering Garry Marshall's
earlier pilot, called him to make some changes to his original
concept. Among the changes was to include the character of Arthur
Fonzarelli. The rest of the Happy Days story is history.

In Happy Days episode #19 "Who's Sorry Now?", there are several
flashbacks to the Love, American Style episode as Richie's old
girlfriend, Arlene Nestrock, comes back to Milwaukee and wants to go
steady with Richie.

This Love, American Style episode has been used to as the program to
launch several tv cable networks including TV Land and Ha! (or The
Comedy Channel, I'm not sure of the name of it).

On 10/15/05, kdhaisch@aol.com <kdhaisch@aol.com> wrote:
>
> RE: In high school, Matt was never invited to any parties at all.
>
>
> >> All together now: "Awwww. Poor Matt."
>
> Matt writ...
> > Yes, it has poisoned my entire outlook on life. George W. Bush got
> > to go to all the parties and drink like a fish, and all the cocaine that
> > he wanted, ...
>
> doesn't sound like you're BITTER about it, Matt.
>
>
> > Because I couldn't go to those parties, I have a life-long grudge
> > against ignorant, lying fratboys, and ignorance and lying in gerneral.
>
> > Boo hoo, poor me.
>
> At least you're not feeling sorry for yourself.
>
>
> > BTW, it was wrestling, cross country, and track.
>
> But I bet you REALLY attracted the babes by drawing those
> fanzines! Comic artists are babe magnets!!
>
>
> kdh
>
>
> .
>
>
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

[CanYoAssDigIt] In more crack news: Crack is good for you!

Charles Mudede, author of the best Police Beat column in America,
reports the startling news that two crack smokers fought, and fell 30
feet off an overpass on the freeway, and one suffered a broken leg and
the other did not appear to be seriously injured.

It seems like you'd expect such a fall to be fatal under normal
circumstances, so from now on, it's all crack, all the time, for me!

The last paragraph has nothing to do with anything, but I left it in
because I admire the poetry of Mudede's writing so much

Police Beat
BY CHARLES MUDEDE

From the Overpass/Downtown/Sat Sept 10/12:45 am: Officer Bell reports:
"Witness four reported bodies lying in the right exit lane under the
Yesler Way overpass. Upon my arrival I noticed two males, suspect one
and suspect two, lying below the northwest corner of the overpass.
Both were semiconscious, and SFD responded to the scene. Officers made
contact with three other witnesses on the top of the overpass. The
witnesses stated they were smoking crack with the two suspects in the
jungle area on the northeast corner of the Yesler Way overpass. After
smoking some crack, suspect one began walking away from the pack.
Suspect two thought he saw suspect one stealing narcotics from
[unsuspecting] witness three. Suspect one stopped suspect two on the
overpass. [The late-night traffic rushed below and the lights of
sleeping office towers rose into a sky whose stars were barely
visible.]

"The suspects began to argue. The suspects began to struggle.
Suddenly, both fell over the edge of the overpass and landed on I-5,
in the right lane. The fall was approximately 30 feet. One suspect
sustained a broken leg, the other did not appear to be seriously
injured. Both were transported to Harborview Medical Center."

Late this morning, while walking to the Public Safety Building (where
the police reports are arranged for me on a small table in a small
press room), I crossed the overpass that the pair of lucky crackheads
fell from on the night of September 10 (lucky because they survived
the fall, the concrete, and the traffic). The Yesler Way overpass not
only connects the Central District to the Business District, but is
also one of the few points from which our city bares itself so
shamelessly. From here, you can survey the main parts of Seattle in
the way you might survey the main parts of a nude body that's resting
next to you in bed—the soft lips, the length of the throat, the rising
flesh of the chest, the flat belly, the soft sex. Starbucks'
headquarters, the sports stadiums that are abreast, the endless glass
skin of the Bank of America Tower, the edge of the Boeing airfield—all
of this and much, much more (Amazon.com on Beacon Hill, medical
facilities on First Hill, King County Jail, the orange cranes on
Harbor Island) can be seen and appreciated from Yesler Way's arching
overpass.

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