I've finally achieved consistency in my life. Any person of average or above intelligence can predict what I will say next with unerring accuracy. And what I say will always be wrong.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Son of "Some Stuff Happened, And Then It Stopped Happening"

It seems the quickest way to drive something out of my life is to find
a use for it.

Example – a couple of days ago, I was walking form the Ave to Jack Straw.

There was a guy lying on the sidewalk so inert I thought he might be dead.

Balanced on the back of one outstretched hand was a Vietnamese
creampuff some cruel wag had placed there.

When I went back by on my way to lunch, he was still on the sidewalk,
but in a slightly different position, and the creampuff was gone. It
occurred to me the creampuff offering might have been intended as a
kindness, and not a mockery.

The next day I came by, he was asleep in the same place. This got to
be a pattern, and quickly became background to my daily experiences.

But one day he was sitting up, drawing carefully in a sketchpad.

I stole a glance at it as I passed – the sketch was a drawing of two
ethereal Wednesday Adams types. Kind of creepy, but nicely done. The
next time I walked by, he was working on another, similar picture of
the gossamer twins. He said something just after I passed – I
couldn't make out what he said, but I believed it was directed at me.
"What did you say?" I asked.

"Do you have a cigarette?" he repeated, clearly enough for me to
understand him this time.

"No," I said, "but I've got some change."

I don't usually give money to panhandlers, but I do try to patronize
the arts. In fact, I resolved that the next time I saw him I would
ask him if he'd sell me one of his drawings. I thought it would make
a nice CD cover.

I haven't seen him since.

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